jagdude14 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Well after google searching for help and similar situations I stumbled across this site that seems to provide great advice so I thank you for taking the time and helping. I (age 24 and have a full time career) have been dating my girlfriend (age 20 ) for three months. She was from another city but moved here to go to college. My job and her college schedule were never the issue. She has family in town she stays with. We are both very religious and actually met this girl at church. For the first three months we had the best time. I was not restrictive of her when she wanted to hang out with her friend and I treated her amazing. I have never had as much in common with someone as I did this girl. She is beyond beautiful but her personality and who she is was obviously what is the most important. I can honestly say I treated this girl very very well. Well Christmas break comes up and she is going back home for three weeks back to where she is originally from. While she is up there she is not as talkative texting calling. Maybe she is busy I think to myself because she hasn't been back home in some time and it is the holidays. So I try to keep in touch with her talking to her here and there but not nearly as much as when she was here I wanted to give her space. Well the plan was for me to pick her up from the airport when she arrived back in town. 1 day after New Years she tells me her family is going to pick her up. It shocked me and hurt but I didn't make it known to her because you know if her family in town her wants to pick up their niece that is fine. That same night we get to talking and she is very short with me so I finally say "you know did I do something wrong"? She replies I just need my space. I am thinking ( didnt say this to her) you just had 3 wks away from me wtf do you mean space? So we have a but of a convo I try to reason a bit but not beg and it ends. She breaks it off. I had flowers ordered and I was going to pick her up from the airport the next day and now she broke up with me. Anyways I let a little over a wk go by and I reach out. She does not text me on my birthday which hurts so the day after my birthday I text her and ask what's up. I ask if she wants me out of her life or she needs time? She replies she needs time. I stupidly take this as a positive thinking I have a shot. I let another wk go by and don't ask this time but in a friendly way and with inside jokes we have ask her to catch up. She says things have been ok the way they are. She has avoided me ever since returning. She has yet to contact me. I have not seen her at church. I mean I did nothing wrong to this girl but treat her like the amazing person she is. I love this girl and it hurts a lot. I have not talked to her since the last text my final message was about as begging as I got. It was not over the top but I somewhat asked for another op I told her I'd respect what she wanted and I'd let her contact me. I have not nor will I contact her again to put myself in a vulnerable position. I don't know why this happened? Everything was fine before she left. I treated her great she even said so herself. We were so happy and into each other. She is going back home for the summer and away from me but would be coming back for school. I have no idea why that would lead someone to break up well before summer. In my mind you cross that bridge when you get there. I am hurting because I care a lot for this girl. I'd love to get her back but also understand I have no moves to make. I honestly don't feel it was for another guy she broke up with me but maybe I am being naive. I again appreciate any help. If you would like more details or have questions I'd be happy to answer so you could provide the best response. Thanks for your time. Link to post Share on other sites
tathagata Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 well you are in a confuzed state of mind and so is your girlfriend.....its clear from your post that some thing happened during her visit that made her change her way of acknowledging you and that led to the break up...well its a bit complicted becz for evry soituation you have to find out the root cause...i wud suggest u not to rush into things becz it takes time....you have to talk to her ,be poliete and DNT BEG OR SHOW OR GIVE ANY HINT THAT U R CLINGY. girls only like men who cn be independent. dnt let her manipulate you . tell her how your heart fells and that you have the right to know wat made her act in the way she did...you have to be patient ..that is the key to success...patience and detemination. talk with her and make sure she sees that you are doing fine witout her but dont be rude be poliete. tell her you love her and you want to be with her...appreciate how beautiful she is..these small talks will make her have second thoughts abt her descisions..... Link to post Share on other sites
denxnis Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Time to man up. Confront her. Tell her you've been nothing but good to her and did nothing to deserve this type of ill treatment. Demand an answer (in person). It may be too late to get her back if she is acting like this but you deserve an answer, don't let her walk all over you man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tathagata Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 dnt let her control you becz u know that it was not ur fault...if its not ur fault nd still u remin weak then she l be in total control...i urge u not to let this happe..show her your feeling...make her feel special but dnt submit to her evry demand witout geting yourself a fair share of the fruit..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jagdude14 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 I think me demanding an answer in person allows her to see I am still affected. While I am mentally I am getting out. Having fun volunteering working running playing sports. I am just trapped in my mind. I do not think demanding an answer in person is what I deserve but someone acting this irrational would not think rational to my demands of an answer in person. I do miss this girl. I miss how things were. I do not know what happened. But I did nothing wrong. She will know that one day. I just would never drop someone like she did. To go from exchanging gifts for Christmas prior to her leaving to being kicked out when the only thing I am guilty of was being a great bf is mind numbing and hurtful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jagdude14 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 I am just upset Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 She threw you under a bus dude and it sucks, it hurts. Letting go is very very difficult. It's fine people telling you to forget about her but it is hard. But its what you'll have to do. Let her go, don't call, text or email. You want people to show you the same courtesy and consideration you would show them. It's called respect. If someone can't have the decency to talk to you and explain what's going on then fine, leave them to it. She clearly doesn't want to talk to you. Why force it or force her? Go live your life fella, why do you want a person that makes you feel bad and makes you doubt yourself? She's controlling your life. Wave good bye to her and go and have fun dammit!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jagdude14 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 She threw you under a bus dude and it sucks, it hurts. Letting go is very very difficult. It's fine people telling you to forget about her but it is hard. But its what you'll have to do. Let her go, don't call, text or email. You want people to show you the same courtesy and consideration you would show them. It's called respect. If someone can't have the decency to talk to you and explain what's going on then fine, leave them to it. She clearly doesn't want to talk to you. Why force it or force her? Go live your life fella, why do you want a person that makes you feel bad and makes you doubt yourself? She's controlling your life. Wave good bye to her and go and have fun dammit!!! Ok this is what I came here for thank you. These are the words I needed. Yes I miss and care about this girl. What I felt was real. But she did me wrong. Thanks for the words. The memories are hard to get over though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jagdude14 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Any other suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
crystal.mayer Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 From what you've said it seems that your relationship is loving, at least on your end. That is so sweet that you got her flowers when you went to pick her up at the airport. As far as I can see you've given her nothing but respect and love the least you can get is some in return. I don't understand why it's so hard for her to just explain to you what's up with your relationship. It's either she wants you in her life or she doesn't. It shouldn't be an answer you're pulling teeth to get. If you care about someone enough, especially when they deserve to hear it; you'll give them an explanation. That's how I feel about it. This is just speculation but perhaps when she went to visit home she connected with an old bf. Maybe something happened between them and she's too much of a coward to tell you so she's avoiding the entire relationship. Maybe she even mentioned you to her parents and didn't get great feedback from them about the relationship. Who really knows but I do think you should move on even if you haven't gotten the closure of a proper explanation. I know it's SO hard to do that. Easier said than done but try to have some fun, get out do a few things, keep yourself busy to keep your mind off it. A great guy like you owes it to himself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jagdude14 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 From what you've said it seems that your relationship is loving, at least on your end. That is so sweet that you got her flowers when you went to pick her up at the airport. As far as I can see you've given her nothing but respect and love the least you can get is some in return. I don't understand why it's so hard for her to just explain to you what's up with your relationship. It's either she wants you in her life or she doesn't. It shouldn't be an answer you're pulling teeth to get. If you care about someone enough, especially when they deserve to hear it; you'll give them an explanation. That's how I feel about it. This is just speculation but perhaps when she went to visit home she connected with an old bf. Maybe something happened between them and she's too much of a coward to tell you so she's avoiding the entire relationship. Maybe she even mentioned you to her parents and didn't get great feedback from them about the relationship. Who really knows but I do think you should move on even if you haven't gotten the closure of a proper explanation. I know it's SO hard to do that. Easier said than done but try to have some fun, get out do a few things, keep yourself busy to keep your mind off it. A great guy like you owes it to himself! Thank you a ton for the advice. I am just struggling and haven't heard from her Link to post Share on other sites
Author jagdude14 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) From what you've said it seems that your relationship is loving, at least on your end. That is so sweet that you got her flowers when you went to pick her up at the airport. As far as I can see you've given her nothing but respect and love the least you can get is some in return. I don't understand why it's so hard for her to just explain to you what's up with your relationship. It's either she wants you in her life or she doesn't. It shouldn't be an answer you're pulling teeth to get. If you care about someone enough, especially when they deserve to hear it; you'll give them an explanation. That's how I feel about it. This is just speculation but perhaps when she went to visit home she connected with an old bf. Maybe something happened between them and she's too much of a coward to tell you so she's avoiding the entire relationship. Maybe she even mentioned you to her parents and didn't get great feedback from them about the relationship. Who really knows but I do think you should move on even if you haven't gotten the closure of a proper explanation. I know it's SO hard to do that. Easier said than done but try to have some fun, get out do a few things, keep yourself busy to keep your mind off it. A great guy like you owes it to himself! Now it has been 7 wks. I haven't heard from her or tried to contact her. I miss her a lot. I respected her. She doesn't respect me at all. And yes it does feel like I am being avoided. Not sure why. And I don't think her parents had anything against me. From what I could tell they knew I treated her great and liked me Edited March 4, 2013 by jagdude14 Link to post Share on other sites
crystal.mayer Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Now it has been 7 wks. I haven't heard from her or tried to contact her. I miss her a lot. I respected her. She doesn't respect me at all. And yes it does feel like I am being avoided. Not sure why. And I don't think her parents had anything against me. From what I could tell they knew I treated her great and liked me Yeah, I know it REALLY hurts and it'll be rough moving on even though it's been 7 weeks you probably still check your phone every second to make sure you haven't missed a text or call from her. It's especially hard because you thought everything was fine and now you find yourself having to move on without any warning. She didn't give you any hints that she was unhappy or needed space and now it's like she just dropped off the face of the Earth. You'll never know what happened unless it comes from her but I wouldn't advise you to wait around for that. I feel like you'll only be hurting yourself more, waiting for something that might not happen. If someone wants to talk to you and they miss being apart of what you had they'll let you know and they'll show you that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jagdude14 Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 Yeah, I know it REALLY hurts and it'll be rough moving on even though it's been 7 weeks you probably still check your phone every second to make sure you haven't missed a text or call from her. It's especially hard because you thought everything was fine and now you find yourself having to move on without any warning. She didn't give you any hints that she was unhappy or needed space and now it's like she just dropped off the face of the Earth. You'll never know what happened unless it comes from her but I wouldn't advise you to wait around for that. I feel like you'll only be hurting yourself more, waiting for something that might not happen. If someone wants to talk to you and they miss being apart of what you had they'll let you know and they'll show you that. well i am off facebook and twitter and i think to myself she probablydeleted my number because she has gone to every other extreme why would she not do that? i dont think ill hear from her and it hurts. i sincerely miss her. i question myself so much. how have you been? we need a way to communicate so we both pull through.... Link to post Share on other sites
crystal.mayer Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 well i am off facebook and twitter and i think to myself she probablydeleted my number because she has gone to every other extreme why would she not do that? i dont think ill hear from her and it hurts. i sincerely miss her. i question myself so much. how have you been? we need a way to communicate so we both pull through.... I've been pretty busy lol so it's easy to keep my mind of him. You can always email me, I check my email nonstop verses this. [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
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