Apex55511 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) Guess a little back story is in order. I met my ex at college and we got together pretty much from day one. At first it was awesome, Id never met someone I got on so well with, with so much in common, matching humor etc etc. We dated for 18 months and it was both of our first serious relationship. We spent virtually every day together. I think it was refreshing to find someone who I could spend that much time with. But after a while I noticed problems creeping in. She didnt like me going out on my own, even to see all-male friends. The only time I got to socialize at college was if she was present, if I went out without her she would get moody and combative. When I was back home I would have a curfew and she would want to skype to check that I got back in. If I didnt get back in time I would be in trouble. Even with our mutual friends it would feel like it was a competition for their attention. She would accuse me of flirting with other girls for just talking to them, but she would be quite happy to go grind up against other guys. When we went out I would almost always pay for things, and always went and paid and got the weekly shopping. I cooked, cleaned and tidied 80% of the time. I honestly felt more like a butler than boyfriend at points. Its not like I didnt see it happening, but when I pointed out our relationship wasnt healthly, she'd cry, say I was being mean, promise to change and then never do. I realize that it is almost entirely my fault for not being tougher on her in the first place. Anyway she went away at Christmas and would be gone for 6 months. We talked about making it work and she told me I was "the one". After spending this time apart I ended up breaking up with her a week ago. Now im starting to have regrets and feel like a douchebag for breaking up with her while she was away. There's so many things about her that are perfect and I did see myself considering spending the rest of my life with her. I do really miss her. I worried that this is just a bout of G.I.G.S and I've made a mistake. A lot of my close friends have told me otherwise. Edited February 10, 2013 by Apex55511 Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 . I realize that it is almost entirely my fault for not being tougher on her in the first place. I agree with this statement 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Mayfare Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Well I am on the receiving end of a similar breakup, although I'm pretty sure I didn't treat my ex as badly as you've described. We had a great relationship, talked about moving together and engagement, and then he just "couldn't handle a relationship anymore", despite still loving me. In my opinion, things would have worked much better for both of us if he had grown a spine and told me when I was doing something he didn't like. My biggest fault was discussing the future too much and enabling him to spend so much time with me (we were attached at the hip, which was both of our faults). If he had just told me how overwhelmed he felt sometimes and said that he really needed space, we would probably still be together. That said, I don't blame myself because I can't read minds! When he did say he needed space, he wanted to see me again the very next day. My point is, you know what you are feeling and only you are in control of handling those feelings. Tell her how you feel and be completely honest. I'm a true believer that it's never too late try, but you have to be completely honest about your feelings and be firm enough in your stance to make sure you the relationship caters to you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apex55511 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 In my opinion, things would have worked much better for both of us if he had grown a spine and told me when I was doing something he didn't like. My biggest fault was discussing the future too much and enabling him to spend so much time with me (we were attached at the hip, which was both of our faults). If he had just told me how overwhelmed he felt sometimes and said that he really needed space, we would probably still be together. That said, I don't blame myself because I can't read minds! When he did say he needed space, he wanted to see me again the very next day. Yes we do seem to be in opposite ends of a similar situation. I have definitely learned that sticking up for yourself is so important. I'm not sure it would have changed things in the long run. She always said she liked to be in control and her ideal relationship was with a whipped guy who would take care of her. I though she was joking at the time, I should have seen the signs! Guess we had differing views on what constitutes a good relationship. As far as talking about the future goes I don't think it's a bad thing at all. If a guy's committed he won't mind talking about it and it won't scare him off. Link to post Share on other sites
NoLeafClover Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 What is with you guys regreting your decisions today. It's the third post I read about regretting BU today. Perhaps the weekend? 11:11 PM Oh snap Link to post Share on other sites
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