My Sad Story - Desperate Now

[jumbojet123]

I will try and write my story as briefly as possible, but in a nutshell I got dumped out of the blue and am left in a breakup due to him "needing space" and not "being happy"

 

I was with my boyfriend for a year and we lived together for the most part. We got along well and had fun. Our personalities complimented well, and we really never had fights. Our fights were more like spats that did not last more than a few seconds and were more like a mood swing or mild irritation unrelated to eachother. He was very calm and even tempered, and a very positive and happy guy. He loved to go out and have fun, but also liked to relax and spend time doing simple things.

He was looking for a job for a while and finally got a great one a few weeks ago - he is due to start this coming Monday. That has been stressing him out, not having a job, and now this fantastic one comes around. It was such a relief and things were looking up. His old job was making him stressed.

Tuesday 1/22/13 he called me after work and seemed to be irritated. I asked what was wrong and he said he is just in a bad mood and not feeling well. he has been sick lately as well. When he came home he asked if I was okay (I was napping on the couch, I worked a night shift) and I said yes and he said we need to talk. My heart sank. he came over and sat on the floor in front of me and took my hand and said I cant do this anymore. I am not happy. I said what do you mean and started crying the whole thing.. he said, I woke up this morning and just felt like I was not happy anymore, and I am not sure why. I don't go skating anymore I need to go skating again. I need to play softball I miss it and it isn't even the right season, I have been feeling depressed. I of course said is it me, what did I do? he said I knew you would think it was you-it is not you, it is me, I need space to figure out why I am not happy. it kind of went on like that I was crying and upset. he even called a close friend who had broke up with hi gf a few months ago and his dad to make sure he was making the right decision! I started packing up my things he offered to help and said he would help move my stuff and I did not have to right away, but I got everything in my car all in one night (except my printer and some clothes and a milk frother). He laid in bed seemed sad but did not cry. I even asked how he was so calm. he said its not easy but he is trying not to cry he handles emotions differently (he never cries that is true). I of course drank vodka and was too drunk to drive home that night to my parents so I had to stay there the night. he said I could sleep in the bed and he would take the sofa. I said no I'll take the sofa. We ended up in the bed but he said he wouldn't hold me it wouldn't be right-I said no of course not :'( I said how am I going to go to work? He said you are going to work why wouldn't you? I didn't sleep at all. he didn't know what to say he just said sorry and to relax and that I would be ok.

ANYWAY I went home the next morning. he gave me a hug. I called him that night. He said and texted him the next day. he seemed quiet but ok. he kept saying he had to have his space. he said he wanted to be friends and that he loved me as a friend. We never told each other "i love you" because he was once engaged and hurt badly, and I was also hurt before and we wanted to go slow, we did love eachother but didnt say it yet. I of course told him i love you right after he dumped me.

I talked to his friend Greg the next day. he isnt really good with relationships but he is a friend. Greg said to move on. That we werent meant to be together. I told him what Greg said, he said not to pay attention because Greg isnt a great advice giver.Then on the phne I asked when I would see him again. he said he is busy with work but we'll see. he said he will need his key back and i have some stuff there. I could get it and leave the bottom lock locked and leave the key on the table.

I said i am not ready.

he said he will need the key back tho.

Then i went cold turkey. I did not send a text or call for a week.

Then I texted him. I asked him hey how are you. he said out to dinner with my mom and Greg, how are you. I had been going out with friends pretending to be ok. really dying inside though, crying constantly, crying at work, at home, not eating, not sleeping. i finally force fed myself due to heartburn. i said im getting things done. he said he had his last day at his old job tomorrow and he had to get to bed. then i said call when you want to and have a good night.

then the next day i texted him that night and asked how his last day was.

he called me back but i was in the shower.

he left a voicemail. he said hey its jay (his name is jason) and said got your text calling to catch up hope your doing well. he never calls himself jay to me its always jason. everyone else calls him jay but i always called him jason.

i call him back and we do some small catching up. he talks about his old jobs last days, how he went skating one night, small talk, he isnt feeling as sick. i talk about how i went out a little, getting some stuff done, busy at work. we get a little more chatty which i didnt want to have happen. crack a few jokes. seems like normal times. he asks how i am, i ask how he is doing. he says he is ok, tired.

he then says he better get going, has to be up early. he says you still have the printer here you know, and some stuff. that hurt. i said i know, dont worry ill get it. he says ok, ill talk to you soon have a goodnight. i said you dont have to if you dont want to. he just repeats ill talk to you soon.

it wasnt a bad conversation but i ruin my chances after it ends. i text him then

apologizing for calling intruding on his space, asking when he wants me to get the printer. then i call him he answers abruptly "whats up" and i let my heart out on a plate all whiny and begging him and crying and missing him ruining the NC ive been doing and the front i put up. if i had left it at the simple call i would have been fine. he says to relax and its ok and he needs space. and even after he hangs up i send more texts like the OPPOSITE of what i am supposed to do. i even apologize in the texts for texting, making a huge nasty snowball effect, i even say i am doing this and tell him, beg him to tell me something to shut me up.

 

so that is where i am at. i completely ruined my chances of getting him back. he responded to my texts once when i said how much he meant to me and how he will be a great ER nurse and stuff, and how i respect his choice he said ok, have a good night. but the next texts, he stopped, and i couldn't stop. i have not heard from him since, and i do not know why i did that to myself it was suicidal and wrong and it shows how messed up the human brain can be.

i had a glimmer of hope during the call, he seemed to miss me. i asked, do you miss me, he said i told you i do, but i still need space. and after he said that i should have shut up but i ruined it.

 

so now what. some friends say just get over him, leave it. its over. move on.

others say theres hope, he could come back give him space.

 

i love him so much, so much.

i am losing sleep, slacking at work and cannot focus.

i wish i could know what is in his head. how he is acting calm, what is going on..

i need advice

im lonely. when i see friends, do things i love, i feel so empty and alone.

 

please help me.

[iouaname]

Reading your story is difficult because it sounds identical to mine. It's absolutely crushing, I know

 

I can only give you some advice based on my own experience: after the break up, I did a lot of the begging and pleading and crying... for a long time. I would do it just about every time we spoke for about a month. I could go a few days without speaking to him and then the minute we would re-initiate contact, whether it was him or I, it would happen all over again. It got to the point where it was just becoming ridiculous. I couldn't stop myself from asking questions. I tried a million ways to seek closure.

 

The best thing that you can do is accept it when he says that it's not you. Accept that it really is a situation of his own happiness, and that this is something that he needs to work out. Valentine's Day will be 2 months since my break up, and I definitely have allowed the ruminating and the going in circles to occur too much and for too long.

 

You need to go no contact. If I could go back and handle my own break up differently, that is what I would have done from the start. Instead I feel like I've lost my dignity and my sanity and I'm in such a spiral with it that I can't even stop myself. For you - the sooner you start no contact and stick with it, the better. He has asked for space to figure out what he needs (as did mine) but I made the mistake of not granting it, and I made matters much worse. The best thing you can do is grant him that wish and give him some space.

[jumbojet123]

I also wanted to mention..he said it has nothing to do with the new job at all. that was my first initial thought. Just want to clarify because a lot of my friends said it is probably the job. He said he thought getting the job would make it better but it hasn't.

[FailedFirstLove]

It's like I'm re living my experience again with all the begging and crying....

I begged so much it was crazy. I thought he was worth everything and I couldn't lose him. Reality is, when he left there was nothing left. He wasnt mine anymore I'm still suffering but there's nothing that we can do. I've tried telling him everything btw. Like what happened after real up. I went to hell, no sleeping, eating etc.. It doesn't work. So don't do it. and I couldn't stay friends either cause he would also give me hope and crush it. And then wanted friends with benefits wtf.

Mine was 4 years and I can't Remmeber what I did when he wasnt in the picture. Hurts like crazy

[Samilia]

I also wanted to mention..he said it has nothing to do with the new job at all. that was my first initial thought. Just want to clarify because a lot of my friends said it is probably the job. He said he thought getting the job would make it better but it hasn't.

 

I'm sorry that things ended between you and him. There's a lot of "he said" in your post, I understand that you want to make sure we have every little detail to get the answer you're looking for. However, I'm sorry, but it's clearly over.

 

He clearly said he wanted to be friends, no feeling for you anymore, he's not happy, asked for his key back; you need to listen to what he's saying. The reason why he's missing his old activities probably is that he felt trapped in the relationship, he needed to get away, back to being who he was, that includes being single.

 

His new position isn't the reason why he broke up but I bet he wanted to make sure things with you were over before starting his new "fantastic job", with no drama in the way. You mention "the job would make it better" so are we to assume that there was trouble in heaven?

 

I'm sorry to say that you need to go pick up your stuff, leaving it there won't help fix things, if anything it will look like you're forcing him to maintain a link.

[jumbojet123]

How come he didn't just say that?

[Samilia]

How come he didn't just say that?

 

Said what, that he wanted to be single? That's what "I want to be friends" and "it's not you it's me" mean. Because people are just giant pussies, they can't say it like it is. They think that if they let you go smoothly with a classical bs line, you will hurt less, that also prevents them like looking for the bad guy.

 

I mean "I can't do this anymore" isn't good news.

[NoLeafClover]

Your ex reminds me of me a while back and you remind me of me recently except the conversation on the phone and that I wasn't as impulsive.

 

There is and there isn't a chances. You need to look at this situation only one way and one way ONLY. That the relationship is over because it takes two to tango and he called it quits. You sound like a very good and sweet girl and I don't want to be the one to break this news to you but you can't control your other partner's feelings. It is hard because I am sure you have so many unanswered questions and you want to blame someone and end up blaming yourself.

 

There is nothing wrong with telling him how you feel but at this point he doesn't want to hear it. He feels free but he will be missing you sooner or later at least that is what usually seems to happen. This doesn't mean you should rush and open up to him. Let him be and give him his space no matter how bad you miss him.

 

I have been in his shoes and have had girls beg to get back with me. One of which being my ex who dumped me recently (she was the reason why I got here) She went as far as parking her car in front of my house and waiting outside for hours calling me.

I ended up taking her back but I didn't want to hear what she had to say at the time. I was too hurt from what I found out.

 

I can't say this is the same thing, but you have to realize that the mind set he's in is not the same as yours right now. You want to fix things where as he feels like he's free( he doesn't have to worry about what you're doing or have to answer to you -so to speak). Of course he misses you but he is not going to show you that. He doesn't want to hurt you more so he tries to keep you in low contact. This also makes him feel good because he knows you'll be there at anytime he wants to.

 

The only thing you can do is to low to no contact at all. Popping up constantly and maintaining contact with him is not going to make him miss you. You have to stay away and make your own healing. Cry if you have to cry but do not make the mistake of reaching out to him again unless you want him to think you're becoming a crazy b***.

TREAT THIS AS A FULL BREAK UP. Not with the hope that he just needs a couple of weeks off.

 

If he wants you back he will contact you. So far he hasn't contacted you at all. Wait and let him contact you at least. Show him you have a backbone and not just some random girl he can toy around with.

 

On my situation I took my ex back because she kept begging but also because I knew I still loved her and thought things could of worked out. It was a mistake I made because I didn't have enough time to grieve and reflect properly. I broke up with her because she was lying and took her back in less than a week. Which gave her the impression it was okay to lie again since I took her back so easily. It F***ed me over in the end but you live and you learn.

 

I know it's hard hun but trust me we have all gone through this but you can't let this be the end of your chapter. Just work on yourself and try to keep your head up. If he doesn't come back at least you will know you stood up and showed some dignity for yourself. It shows a lot on a woman's character.

 

If there is a chance for reconciliation he has to be the person to come to your door and beg for it not the other way around. You can't force someone to be with you. You wouldn't want to be with someone knowing they are forced to be with you eitherways.

 

Please be strong because life is too short to live in pain and regret (and I am not just saying this to say it) Sooner or later you will realize you wasted a good amount of time hurting because of someone who didn't want to be with you.

[jumbojet123]

Thank you for the replies especially clover. I am at a loss. Ever since those ridiculous texts I sent the other day I feel like a fool and he probably thinks I am crazy and I probably pushed him away more. He texted me last night saying I got something in the mail, so its there in case I need it! Yes with an ! Whatever. As if I never sent those texts. He probably just felt bad and didn't know what to say. I really do love him. I shouldn't talk to him. I didn't reply at all until tonight. I wasn't going to bother but I shouldn't play games. I just replied now and said "ok". No response but I wasn't expecting one. I'm not going to contact him. I really need to get my stuff and give him his key but my friend may for me. I just want to have him back and not push him away. I want to be mature and respect his space. I want to be able to focus on my job again. I wish I never sent those texts what an idiot I was.

[chelsea2011]

Aww, sweetie, my heart is breaking for you after reading your posts.

 

Don't beat yourself up for sending those texts. You were hurting and had a weak moment that's all. You did it, it's over and it is now in the past. We all have done it one time or another especially when the heart break was fresh. It happens and when you feel like you might slip again just come and post here instead. Distract yourself...put your phone in the car or somewhere it's not so easy to reach. Do a 180 on him and stay busy living your life even though it's hard right now. I think having your friend pick up your stuff is a great idea! NC = No new hurts!

[lourdes_bern]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation - it sounds very similar to mine. I'd been living with my ex too, and he dumped me for similar reasons as yours. We entered a period of low contact for two months and I would get very emotional whenever we did communicate. He would try to pull back but he would still answer when I called/texted, especially when I was in distress.

 

You sound like a very kind and sweet girl, and you've no doubt made a positive impact on your ex's life. From his response to the breakup, it looks like he really was upset, and he was trying to be strong while you broke down (one person has to do it, right?). And of course he probably felt bad about uprooting you suddenly from your home.

 

However, that knowledge WILL NOT help you get over him. Remember everything ELSE that he said - that he didn't want to do the relationship anymore, that he consulted his friends about it (this, for me, is usually the big sign that he's ready for it to be over), that he wasn't happy.

 

He's been checking up on on you because he's used to doing it, and he wants to feel less guilty about breaking your heart. If he knows you're fine, the guilt won't make him sad, but when he realizes you're still heartbroken, he gets cold and doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He "misses you" because he's used to having you there as emotional support which is why "he wants to be friends," but he is NOT going to reciprocate that emotional support when you need it, which is why he "needs space." At the very least, he won't give you the love that you want him to give you.

 

I'm not trying to sound harsh here. The guy DOES need his own space; he needs to figure out what he wants. But don't wait around for him to figure out that it's you - because it may never be. Transitioning into a new job is always stressful, and right now he wants somebody he can fall back on when he feels like his life is unstable. Don't let yourself be that doormat. Go and live your own life; show him that you don't need him and that you're not waiting for him. Don't hold out hope of getting him back with this behavior, either - live your life for YOU! I know it'll be hard, and right now you feel very empty (I know the feeling), but eventually, if you keep at it, you'll begin to feel happy again. Even just a little thing in your day may make you smile.

 

Try not to beat yourself up for breaking NC and contacting him. We are only human, and you're used to having him be your #1 comfort when you feel down. But you must remind yourself that he is no longer willing and able to be that option. As long as you can realize that it was a mistake and resolve to keep to NC, you will be able to move forward. You will find someone who is much more worthy of your time and who appreciates your effort, and you will find someone who wants to help you grow and who supports you/loves you unconditionally.

 

Also, read the No Contact guide at the link below. I'm surprised TaraMaiden hasn't popped up and linked it yet!

 

Updated No Contact Guide for 2013

 

ETA: Go and get your stuff back from him immediately, but have a friend go with you so you're not alone. Or have him deliver it to a friend's place where you can pick everything up without seeing him. It'll do no good to set yourself back by seeing him, and you also need to cut all ties so that you and he don't have an "excuse" to be in contact. Trust me - I kept remembering things I'd left at my ex's place. The first time I did the right thing and had him deliver the items to a mutual friend. The second and third times, I picked them up myself, and it messed up both of us emotionally. I also didn't return the key and take myself off the lease for 2 months due to legal reasons (I had to find a new place first), but it definitely gave me power and temptation that I didn't need. You did the right thing by moving out most of your stuff right away.

Edited February 3, 2013 by lourdes_bern

[jumbojet123]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation - it sounds very similar to mine. I'd been living with my ex too, and he dumped me for similar reasons as yours. We entered a period of low contact for two months and I would get very emotional whenever we did communicate. He would try to pull back but he would still answer when I called/texted, especially when I was in distress.

 

You sound like a very kind and sweet girl, and you've no doubt made a positive impact on your ex's life. From his response to the breakup, it looks like he really was upset, and he was trying to be strong while you broke down (one person has to do it, right?). And of course he probably felt bad about uprooting you suddenly from your home.

 

However, that knowledge WILL NOT help you get over him. Remember everything ELSE that he said - that he didn't want to do the relationship anymore, that he consulted his friends about it (this, for me, is usually the big sign that he's ready for it to be over), that he wasn't happy.

 

He's been checking up on on you because he's used to doing it, and he wants to feel less guilty about breaking your heart. If he knows you're fine, the guilt won't make him sad, but when he realizes you're still heartbroken, he gets cold and doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He "misses you" because he's used to having you there as emotional support which is why "he wants to be friends," but he is NOT going to reciprocate that emotional support when you need it, which is why he "needs space." At the very least, he won't give you the love that you want him to give you.

 

I'm not trying to sound harsh here. The guy DOES need his own space; he needs to figure out what he wants. But don't wait around for him to figure out that it's you - because it may never be. Transitioning into a new job is always stressful, and right now he wants somebody he can fall back on when he feels like his life is unstable. Don't let yourself be that doormat. Go and live your own life; show him that you don't need him and that you're not waiting for him. Don't hold out hope of getting him back with this behavior, either - live your life for YOU! I know it'll be hard, and right now you feel very empty (I know the feeling), but eventually, if you keep at it, you'll begin to feel happy again. Even just a little thing in your day may make you smile.

 

Try not to beat yourself up for breaking NC and contacting him. We are only human, and you're used to having him be your #1 comfort when you feel down. But you must remind yourself that he is no longer willing and able to be that option. As long as you can realize that it was a mistake and resolve to keep to NC, you will be able to move forward. You will find someone who is much more worthy of your time and who appreciates your effort, and you will find someone who wants to help you grow and who supports you/loves you unconditionally.

 

Also, read the No Contact guide at the link below. I'm surprised TaraMaiden hasn't popped up and linked it yet!

 

Updated No Contact Guide for 2013

 

ETA: Go and get your stuff back from him immediately, but have a friend go with you so you're not alone. Or have him deliver it to a friend's place where you can pick everything up without seeing him. It'll do no good to set yourself back by seeing him, and you also need to cut all ties so that you and he don't have an "excuse" to be in contact. Trust me - I kept remembering things I'd left at my ex's place. The first time I did the right thing and had him deliver the items to a mutual friend. The second and third times, I picked them up myself, and it messed up both of us emotionally. I also didn't return the key and take myself off the lease for 2 months due to legal reasons (I had to find a new place first), but it definitely gave me power and temptation that I didn't need. You did the right thing by moving out most of your stuff right away.

 

 

 

Thank you. I am not contacting him after that disaster I made last week. I am so upset by that. I do need to get my things and return the key. He started his new job yesterday. I had to text him to find out when I can get my things. I kept it simple. I simply said "Hope your first day was good. Please call me to let me know when I ca retrieve my printer and textbook. Thanks" He replied sometime later said "Will do..bed for me..night" I shouldn't have replied but I did say "goodnight" Oh well whatever.

I was thinking to myself. He broke up with me on a Tuesday night. The Sunday before we went to an event together-we rarely go to fancy things really. He is part of a first aid squad and they had an annual formal dinner. I worse a dress and everything which I don't usually do. he said I looked great etc, it went well. I had work after that, and had to go.The dress was a little tight on me and I said maybe I should return it. he said no, there will be many more of these events you'll be coming to with me.

I don't understand. How can he wake up Tuesday morning and say I am not happy anymore and breakup with me saying I need space maybe time will tell, but this is what I need right now.

I just do not understand. I feel so empty. I just sleep and go to work. Knowing he is busy and occupied at his new job depresses me. I feel left behind.

[lourdes_bern]

I understand that's very upsetting. The day before my ex broke up with me, I cleaned the entire house and cooked dinner/lunch; I left the meal for him because I was working that night. When I got back from work, he told me, "Babe, the meal was so good!" (he'd eaten all of it, which was rare because he had a strange anxiety about food), and I was really hopeful that things were going to get better.

 

He told me later on that he couldn't break up with me that night because he felt so guilty, seeing how much effort I put in for him.

 

Your ex probably didn't have the courage to do it sooner, especially not the night you went out. Like mine, he probably saw how much effort you had put into your appearance, and you guys had a good time together. He probably didn't want to ruin the experience for you and for himself.

 

I'm not saying that it's justified, but it's a reason.

 

I'm sorry you feel so empty. Trust me when I say that it will pass. It's been 1.5 weeks since I started full NC, and I'm feeling so much better today. It was a very rough first week and the next few days were rough too, but I'm much more at peace.

[jumbojet123]

it is not getting any easier. I keep telling myself I have to move on. I have been doing no contact and he has not tried to contact me until Saturday-he facebook messaged me saying he knows he was supposed to let me know when to come by to get my printer etc but he had a busy week with the new job and this week he has more time and he is not doing much on the weekend and to let him know when I would like to come by. I first of all texted him the week before saying to call me when it was a good time for him afterall it is his apartment and I do not know his new work schedule. I don't get this facebook messenger thing we never ever did it - he can't even text?

So I didn't know what t really say. I know I need my things so I just responded Probably Thursday but I do not know my plans yet.

This would be the first time I would see him since the night he broke up with me 3 weeks ago.

He replied a few hours later, sounds good, keep me posted, hope you are doing well!

Yeah probably to help with any guilt or because he really does hope I am doing well. Made the mistake of saying to contact me on my phone in the future since I don't check facebook and typed my umber in case he didn't have it anymore..then said sorry I didn't mean that to be cold but I do miss messages on facebook since I do not use if often, hope you are doing well too. No response. Trying to be mature and keep my dignity after all that happened.

 

So now I just do not know what to do or think. I miss him so much and am going to get my things this week. I have to let him know what time I will be doing that. I don't know how to act, I want to be calm and collected, don't want seeing him to make me fall to pieces..I know getting my printer won't make him fall in love with me and change his mind.

I have been thinking lately of the mistakes or things that slipped by that could have been my fault in the relationship NOT saying that this is my fault, and he should have communicated IF THIS is the reason, because he did not give me any reason other than him not being happy and wanting space..

 

I really cannot tell. I am left to my own devices. I am trying to b hopeful and take care of myself at the same time.

I do get upset with the negativity on here of everyone saying he is moving on and over you ..maybe it is true maybe it is not..i maybe am a fool I don't know.

 

Any advice..anything. How to behave..anything. I have to get a grip and grow a pair to face him this week and face the apartment with his cat and the smells and prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

I just hate that this may be the last time i se him. :'(

[Addison312]

Look good, but not over the top, drive to his place whilst listening to Pantera, get your things quickly, then leave. Minimal talking and eye contact. After you get your things, listen to angry music on your way home. Then go no contact.

That's what I would do anyway.

[jumbojet123]

Thanks for replying yeah I am so tempted to stick around because I'm scared ill never see him again and he will forget about me and move on so fast since he has been busy and not missing me so far. It is pathetic I know but I love him.

[jumbojet123]

Ok, I know everyone is probably getting sick of me by now. Anyway, finally set up a time to get my printer/belongings. Talked on the phone with him - I meant to keep it short but like that previous phone call we ended up talking and catching up. Kept it mature and pleasant. But talked like we always used to...just felt natural and normal. Told me about his new job, what he has been up to. I did the same, only the good things. We did not mention anything about the relationship or breakup at all. Said Friday would probably work, we decided around 5pm after he gets off work.

he said he hadn't been feeling well this week with a cold, just like conversation we used to have-his normal voice-nothing fake or strained...seemed normal..I said I am sorry to hear that hope you feel well. I asked how have you been otherwise, he said he has been ok, just tired ..not sure if it is the job. I told him I hope you are feeling happier. I told him I am sure you will be ok. He asked how I was. Asked how work was. Said Ive been busy with work and school. Been at the barn, taking care of the horses with my friend, studying, etc. Been giving you your space. Asked how his cat was.

Didn't get more then that. I asked if he was sure he was ok with seeing me to get the things, because if he was not I could have a friend do it. he said no, you can come by and get them. He said he will let me know if anything changes between now and Friday with his schedule as far as Friday. I said I am free Friday night if there is anything else you wanted to do, let me know. he said he will. He said to have a good night and that he will talk to me later.

 

 

I am at one side entirely confused and hopeless. Other side hopeful. I don't know. I was trying to be good...did not mention anything like..I miss you, do you miss me..didnt mention anything like..do you want me back..nothing like that. At the same time I don;t want to be friend zoned. He said he wanted space..trying to give him space...trying not to contact him but know I have to get my thingd back..I guess I will see what happens friday..I will have to expect a bad set back and expect nothing to come of friday...and then not contact....i dont know. I really dont know.

He seems to be doing ok..says he went out with his close male friends for dinner a couple times..drinks a couple times. He is busy with rescue squad and work. He is tired a lot. He doesnt know why...sort of lie when he said he wasnt happy..doesnt know why. I cant think so much. it is driving me insane. I just ended up telling him Youll be ok..and i hope you feel better..I mean what else can i do..pbviously he broke up with me...didnt say oh i want you back please!!! God i am just torturing myself Im sure everyone here will just be like stop and move on stop torturing yourself..but i do love him. Just respecting his choice to want space. I mean i lived with him..i no longer do. i talked on the phone twice with him since he left me. I dont know. i have to face him friday to get my stuff. I know i will act fine. and crumble at home in privacy later. Any advice...thoughts?

[jumbojet123]

I just want to keep my dignity or whatever is left of it. I am surprised I have not been blowing up his phone to be honest..with how I feel about missing him..I am trying my best. I am a fool for getting my stuff back Friday and having false hope. I HATE THIS.