Feeling down, very down...

[Loveandpeace14]

I just want to be over him already, I know that he's not worth it anymore, and I know I deserve better than the way he's been treating me but I just can't let him go. Things really have been getting easier and I have been doing okay most of the time. From my other threads I seem so over him, and at one point I really thought I was over him, but now, as I'm sitting here writing my psychology notes with tears running down my face, trying not to burst out crying. It's starting to hurt all over again. Thinking about him, having our memories pop into my mind constantly, thinking how he's probably having the time of his life in college while I'm here continuing to fall apart. He's still on my mind everyday, and I just have this feeling inside that bothers me so much, I try to be strong but sometimes it's really impossible. I've been independent my whole life but I just really need him, not because I'm needy but because I love him. I don't understand how I can still have feelings for him after everything he has put me through after our break up, but it's really killing me wanting to be with the guy I once knew. He meant the world to me, and now it's all over. He was my best friend, my first love, and things will just never be the same. We had something really special, nobody has ever made me feel the way he did, he treated like I was the only girl in the world, he was the perfect guy for me..Then one day, he threw it all away without explanation, like I never mattered to him at all and I'm sitting here thinking what went wrong because honestly, I didn't know, our relationship seemed perfect even leading up to the break up, but now he's always talking about me to my friends even though he apparently has a new girlfriend, for some reason that doesn't bug me, but it bugs me that I've lost my best friend. I would do anything to have him back, even if it's just to be friends. I'm definitely keeping no contact, but deep down I'm afraid that he will never contact me again..I know that I'm young, but I really thought our relationship was going to go somewhere, I didn't expect that we would get married, but I didn't think things would end the way they did, I never thought I would be left heart broken... Ughhh help me

Edited January 28, 2013 by Loveandpeace14