with Losing your first love

[McDonald]

Ive been reading these forums and Im happy im able to find a place where I can fully open up and receive advice.

 

Im a second year in college and my (ex)girlfriend recently broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. It was out of nowhere, heres our story:

 

______

 

I wasnt the most confident person in highscool. Sure, I was a part of sports teams, clubs, had many friends, but when it came to talking to girls about my feelings, I could never open up. If I liked a girl, I would never say anything and because of that, I never had a girlfriend in highschool. I was always too sad, too shy.

 

Then came the summer before college. I decided that I wanted to be the person I wasnt in highschool. So I went onto my new schools facebook group for my class, and started adding people onto my friends list and started conversations (I know sounds creepy but hear me out).

 

Then I saw this one girls facebook. She was very pretty. blonde hair, blue eyes. It was everything I wanted. So I messaged her "hey! class of 2015 [school name here]

 

she replied and we just started talking. Everyday we would message. Then she finally gave me her phone number, so we could talk more often... this was before we even met in person. When the school year started, we met up on the first day. We walked around campus and I tried to have a conversation, but we already covered everything over messages so it was a little weird.

 

Later that week she asked me if I wanted to go to the beach because my campus is literally on the beach. So i went with her...

and later that night she texted me saying that she liked me and wanted to tell me now so it wouldnt make things awkard.

 

Now, she was the first person to ever tell me they liked me. no one has ever said that to me before. I didnt know what to do! So I got nervous and kinda pushed her under the bus for the first quarter. We talked, but not as much as before.

 

Her telling me that she liked me however gave me the largest ego boost. I rushed a fraternity becasue I felt accepted for once and wanted to meet more people now. I was able to talk to girls more confidently etc.

 

Then a few weeks later, me and my friend (the girl I met on facebook) met up one night.. drunkingly. we ended up having sex... and this is when I lost my virginity.

 

Over winter break we started texting more and more. Then when the next quarter started we were with eachother everyday almost. I knew this is the girl I wanted to date, but I didnt know how to proceed. We were together as if we were boyfriend/girlfriend..but we werent; then eventually, third quarter came and I asked her to be my girlfriend. At that point though, we were basically already dating. She said yes because she has been waiting the whole year for that. We were together all the time after that. Every second of the day we were together. We slept together almost everynight.. we literally became apart of eachother.

 

Then summer came and we lived a good 6 hours away from eachother. So I met up with her at the end of summer and we went on a trip and had a blast. Then she began telling me how she wanted to be with me forever. That i was her one; and though she was my first love, I started believing that too. She was beautiful, charming, funny, we were into the same things, she was perfect.

 

As the next (this) school year started, I decided to take an extra class. So i was beginning to get more stressed about school; and this quarter, i guess, is when things started to go downhill... but I didnt know.

 

For some reason when I wanted to go out with my friends on some nights, she would get angry, and make it seem like I was hurting her if I left. I would have invited her out... but she always told me how much she hated drinking and didnt understand why people had to embarrass themselves like that. So it got to the point where I changed myself to be with her. I stopped going out, I stopped drinking etc. then we were spending every minute together. She hated her place she lived at because they would always party so she would text me to come be with her in her room every weekend night, So I did.

 

I got used to this however, and I was beginning to become really happy. I mean I started to love our time together and was thinking she was the one.

 

She decided to move out of her place and into another... I was a little skeptical at first about it because I had this weird feeling that I would lose her for some reason..

 

 

I helped her move in, I helped her set up. I met her new roommates... but for some reason I wasnt very open at first. I did like them though, I just needed some time to adjust.

 

However, things started to change. Remember how I said she told me she ahted drinking and didnt understand why people have to embarrass themselves like that? well, now she wanted to drink and party with her new friends. This shocked me after everything she has said about it. I wasnt sure what to do because she engraved in my mind how much she hated it and now I See her like this.

 

However, she still told me she loved me and that I was the best thing to ever happen to her. She wrote me love notes etc. The quarter ended perfectly and we made plans for her to come see my home now over the break. So she bought plane tickets to come see me for new years and she said she wanted her first new years kiss.

 

But then I began to notice that she wasnt texting me as much. We have been talking nonstop for more than a year and shes slowing down, I said. So I asked her and she said that she just wanted a little time to herself because she was going to be with me for 4 days straight. i thought that was weird because we have always been together.

 

Then a couple days later she just said that she sorry but shes going to break my heart.....

So I called her and she said it was nothing...

then she texted me saying that she doesnt know what to do because she has been talking to this other guy that she met at her new place...

 

I was devastated. She just bought plane tickets to see me.. then three days later she tells me this? I had no clue what to do but I loved her so much that I didnt break up with her... She said she still wanted to see me... then the next day she told me she loved me and that she didnt want to throw away what we had....So I told her you have to tell this guy that so he can back off. She did, but she took a picture of what he said back and sent it to me. It said "Its okay! I dont want to get in the middle of your relationship. I dont want you to have to break up with your boyfriend because of me" She sent me that and said to me over text. "see, he is a nice guy" This hurt me so much. How she could see this as being nice. How everything he said he didnt want to do.. get in the middle, have her break up with me.. is what he was doing!!

 

A few days later she texted me saying we had to talk. I was in the car with my parents and I was so tired of feeling sick I just told her to tell me if she was breaking up with me. She said didnt want to come to my place and then break up with me after.

 

I started to cry and havent stopped since.. She told me taht we could stay friends, as we were best friends since the first day of college. And I believed that.

 

So when we came back to school we hung out like how we did while we were dating, but we werent. Then she said she hopes it will pass, and that we can get back together. I finally had hope again. But later that week I saw her holding hands with this other guy!!!!!!!

 

I ran up to her and she just said hi and kept walking. After that night she texted me asking If I was okay?.... I responded with what do you think?

 

I felt played big time. She was holding onto me... and then I saw that. My heart was broken again. I still tried texting her.. I know my mistake.. but like Im happy when I text her so IDK. I texted her help just to get a responce. She said she cant take it anymore and i cant be dependent and that have to stop

 

Sorry for being long :/

 

I dont know what do to. She made me so dependent on her.. she made me not want to go out, not want to drink, made me lose friends, and now she does everything she told me not to do and elft me in the dust.

here my problem,

I want to forget about it and move on, but for some reason reason I cant. Everywhere I go I have memories of her. I cant sleep, I cant eat. I break down crying everyday. I know she was my first love, but She really amde it seem like she wanted me forever, and i liked that. I have never been so happy in ym whole life, and now my ego is back down to where it was in highschool. I try to go out with my friends, but all I can think about is her. I know its only been a few weeks, but IDK like I dont want to forget about her. I had such a great time. And this was so out of nowhere. She said things like I felt like you were hiding me... but I never took her out to parties because she told me how much she hated them... and now she wants to go out?

Its like she forgot about what she told me, who she was before this change.. and its like I was getting in the way.

 

I feel like im not only losing my girlfreind, but my best friend. I no longer have a sense of individuality here, becasue she was with me from day one. Now I feel alone. I wake up crying, I have been seeing therapsists because this has been affecting my mental health and my school work etc.

 

It hurts to love someone, who doesnt love you anymore. I never thought I would feel like this. her ex boyfriend cheated on her and she said she would never hurt me like how he hurt her. Well she did. I know I have to move on, but I have no where to move on too. I feel trapped now in this life I made because of my boost of confidence while being with her...

 

Sorry for being long, I just needed to get it all out. I wish I could get over her, but I just cant stop thinking about all our memories, everything we did and could be doing together right now. I tried being the best boyfriend, I really gave it all my heart and soul. What hurts the most is the fact that I may never be able to talk to her again, and some days I want to text her, but I know I cant. Its been 4 days since we have talked.. I know thats not long, but it feels like forever and it hurts so much not having anyone else by my side. She was my life, she was my love.

[McDonald]

I just dont understand how I can take her out of my life just like that.. Every memory of my college expierence so far has been with her.

[Loveandpeace14]

I'm in a similar situation as you. Lost my first love who was also my best friend, wanting to be with me forever, treated me like I was his world, he's also been hurt in the past and promised me he'd never break my heart but he did.. But let me tell you, it really does get easier, even though right now it doesn't feel like it at all. You will have your bad days, but soon you will have many good days too. The break up is still new (my break up was about 4 weeks ago too, but we broke up once before but we have broken up before, so it kind of made it easier for me the second time because basically he broke my heart twice) but before you know it, you will be back on your feet doing the things you love, going out with friends, etc. Yes you will miss her and she will be on your mind, but after awhile, it becomes less overwhelming and bearable. I can guarantee she is thinking about you too, because how can she not, you two loved each other, and by giving her space, it actually makes her think about you more. At first I thought my ex probably never thought about me because he is being cold towards me and saying hurtful things so i didn't bother talking to him but now I know he is thinking about me because he constantly talks to my friends about me even after he got a "new girlfriend", so try to stay in no contact for awhile, it even helps you heal and makes it easier to move on. I was having a hard time moving on also with all the memories and eveything, and no contact gets hard but keep with it, and it will get better. I do sometimes still want to be with him, but you just have to accept it, but there are many times where they do come back, not trying to get your hopes up but who knows, one day, when she sees that you are happy or at least pretend to be. she might even come crawling back to you if she sees the confident, independent side of you. It does hurt losing the one you love who was also your best friend but the pain does go away, I won't lie but there will times where it may come back when you miss her the most, but it is not as bad as before. Sometimes it's for the best, she may have seemed perfect and trust me, i thought my ex was perfect too and still do even after everything, but being able to move on and being strong can make room for someone who is even more perfect for you and that you will love more than anything. I hope this helps you a bit whenever I'm upset over him, I just come on the thread I posted and vent and talk about how I feel. It really helps.

You can also read my two threads if you would like

[McDonald]

Thanks! Your post really does help. It's great to here from someone who has gone through exactly what I am going through, instead of a professional with some statistics.

The hardest part is letting go. I know I have to move on, but my heart doesn't want too. I just feel lost without her and I know I can't message her because that will push he away and set me back...but her being my best friend as well was the person I would reach out too. I don't want to lose her, but it's like I don't have a choice. It really isn't fair

[Loveandpeace14]

Yeah I know how you feel, letting go is really hard, I'm still dealing with that too but it is getting easier. It's hard to accept that it's over, especially when you want to talk to them but you know that you shouldn't. My ex was always there for me but now it's like we were never even friends. It is really unfair, i hate that I lost my best friend but I know for sure that you will one day, maybe even soon, find someone who you will think is an even better match for you. I'm still waiting for the right guy but I'm going on with my life and focusing on myself, actually makes me feel alot better, more confident and independent. We are still young, I'm only 18 and I'm guessing you are no more than 20, so no need to rush, still got plenty of time to find that someone, no matter how much it hurts and sucks right now. You will be okay, always remember that it does get better.

[McDonald]

Your right about still being young. It's just ahhhhhgggh all these plans I had lol it's hard to think its over an that this past year was just thrown away.

[Loveandpeace14]

Haha yeah I know what that's like, it's a beautiful feelings at the time, then once you've been crushed, nothing is ever the same, like it never even happened. It really sucks, and will bother you for awhile but that's just how life is.

[McDonald]

I'm just confusing myself because I want to be her friend again like how it used to be.. But idk if I'm feeling like that just because I want her back. M just not ready to go back to how it used to be. I was so much happier with her in my life. I actually don't even remember what it was like before her in college. I never Expiernced it without her.

[Samilia]

I actually had no problem reading your post as it was, thank God, paragraphed. It was like a short story.

 

What you're experiencing right now is normal. You just had to learn a lesson the hard way, don't make someone the center of your world, make them part of it instead.

 

You'll make new friends, or will renew with the ones you had before you made her your priority #1 (big mistake). I'm not saying that no one should be your #1, it was just too early, for one, and you should have kept your own life going, for two.

 

Do us a favor, don't try to be friends with her right now. Add her to your block list, delete her phone number, and move on. You'll thank us later.

 

Now, to finish, I want to say jokingly "congrats, you've been dumped" and thanks to this experience you will be able to make the right decisions in your future relationships.

[Loveandpeace14]

I agree with Samillia. Like I want to be friends with my ex too and have everything go back to normal because he made me happiest too, but it's really not a good time especially when you still have feelings for them. I rather not talk to my ex than have him bombard me with mixed messages because it will only make you feel worst, trust us, better off not talking to her right now, in the future, it may be possible again but just not right now. Be you and do what you like to do, things will fall into place as time passes and things will be good again.

[McDonald]

Thanks. All this really helps. Is just so hard trying to fill this void that she has left me with. Especialy since i was with her so much just a few weeks ago we were fine and she bought plane tickets to visit me over inter break.. Then a few days later breaks up with me for someone else, but climbed me on for a while saying we could be friends.

 

I know it will pass. It has been getting better. I wish I could just fast foward time.

 

One of the hardest things for me to comprehend is how she made me change for her security. She was always a little untrustworthy from time to time because her first boyfriend cheated on her. So she like made sure she would never get hurt by me... Then cheats on me emotionally. Idk it's not fair how it all Happened

[Loveandpeace14]

Yeah all this relationship stuff is actually so confusing. One minute it's all good, then next minute it's like the world has ended. I think its very unfair that she did that to you, even though you still love her, I think you deserve better, I think everyone deserves someone who can be real with them. I find that when I was mad at my ex for saying mean **** to me for no reason, it made me like him a lot less (he legit even told me that it was uncool that I was still alive.. How mature is that?). Is there anything about your ex that makes you mad? Lol. I haven't been very experienced with relationship and what not, so it hit me hard. It's always nice to know that your not alone, and having people who have experienced the same thing to talk to makes it so much easier. I'm glad I found this site. It's helping me a lot, and I hope it helping you too.

[McDonald]

It Really is helping. The only ting I could think of is ow she didn't really fully trust me. So she wouldn't let me go out that often... And she never wanted go out at night And now she wants to go out all the time...

 

But besides that. Everything was really Perfect. And we were usually good wi bringing up our feelings and problems. Last quarter at have got a little boring because we both spent s good mount of time studying. Maybe that's why, she bored. But I just wish she stayed for this part of th scool year. I wish she told me she wanted to go out to parties with me but instead she told me how she felt like. Was hiding her... That's because she told me how much she hated parties before!!

 

It's all so weird.

[McDonald]

I hate double posting but today just hasnt been a good day. I know I have to stay in NC, but it feels impossible. All I want to do is tell her my feelings. Ive already done that though... its just so difficult to think that i may never talk to her ever again, as she was the first person I met here at college last year and we have been talking since. Its like my whole first year is now out the door. Its supposed to be getting easier, but it feels like its getting worse.

[FailedFirstLove]

I'm right there with you... My ex was my first love I was with him for 4 years. We met through a friend in high school. we had to be long distance for about 3 years. There were obstacles but we manage to get through it all. His family has a problem with me right from the beginning... Apparently they never liked any of the girls he was with.

Anyways he has family problems constantly. He came down to me and stayed with us. Decided to move down.... Few months later his mum asked him to go up and help her move a little.. They brain washed him and he never came back... He told me he has reasons some he can't tell me... About his family and what they did to make him stay.

 

It's devastating ... Really is. It's been 2 months and I'm still extremely upset. Recently I went in contact... We are trying to be somewhat friends. It's hard cause we end up talking quite alot. He tells me he just suppresses everything including his feelings... I can't do that. I seem to gain hope everything. And it's false hope. He did tell me he may come down again depending on circumstances.

For 4 years we talked every single day!!!! And now not to even hear his voice most days breaks my heart.

I can't get over him. Even when I really try. I think of all the things out there for me. But he was the only one I really loved for 4 years... I never expected this to happen.... We always got through everything.

[McDonald]

It just keeps getting worse. I saw her twice today. The first time she was walking across the street. usually I would go up to here to just say hi, but I let her walk away. i felt so proud of myself.

 

Then I saw her again when I was riding my bike to class. I knew she saw me this time, but she just kept walking. Like I dont even exist.

 

I just have a tough time understanding how you can take someone out of your life so quickly?

 

Though we were broken up, last week she was still hugging me... I know sounds weird.. but we were trying to be friends...this is when I began to get led on.

 

Now she wont even say hi.. like I dont exist. It feels so bad... I know that I just need to give it time... but it hurts me that she led me on... told me that I shouldnt be afraid to text her... so I do, then says she cant take it anymore.

 

it just crushes me. it makes me feel like what I did was wrong.

 

Ive never had to take anyone out of my life before... I know I have to stay in NC... i just dont understand how I can take someone out of my life who has been through so much with me.