NC and struggling

[smartie]

A mixture of back-story and questions:

 

My ex ended things a week ago and ever since then, we haven't exchanged a word. I keep thinking about the break up and what could have caused it because before she ended things with me online that day, we actually met up prior and went to the movies and kissed. Later when she ended things though, I told her it was best if we had actually spoken in person, but she claimed it was risky because of my drive home...but why kiss me? Perhaps she faked it so I could feel safe? But she is too nice of a person to lead me on. Was she scared of confronting me about it? Was it a spur of the moment thing? If instead of going to the movies she spoke to me, i wouldn't be feeling as I do right now, i.e. confused, wanting to get back with her, missing her. I'd understand it much more clearly. It's really mind boggling...

 

Anyway, sorry about that, I just don't understand the purpose of that kiss.

 

So since the break up, it's been a week and we haven't spoken to one another. But it feels like a lot has been left unsaid between the two of us.

 

She told me I was a great guy, that I was respectful, to not hate her and that she hopes we can still be friends. But the thing that stood out most of all was at midway of the conversation, I ask her "i guess that this'll be the last time I see you?" and she replied with "Yeah, I guess so =/"

 

I at least have to try and make some form of contact, don't you think? I mean I know not right now, but maybe a week or so from now? It's tough because she's on facebook, on my cell, on steam, on skype..everywhere..

 

From a few threads I read on here, people will probably say that I shouldn't contact her because she's the dumper and she should contact me if she wants, but I don't think she will, even if she wants to.

 

I feel like I should at least try after giving each other some space. Even if it will end with a crash and burn, because she's worth it (in my opinion) and I care about her deeply.

 

Thanks for any comments in advance and have a great weekend everyone.

[TaraMaiden]

A mixture of back-story and questions:

 

My ex ended things a week ago and ever since then, we haven't exchanged a word. I keep thinking about the break up and what could have caused it because before she ended things with me online that day, we actually met up prior and went to the movies and kissed. Later when she ended things though, I told her it was best if we had actually spoken in person, but she claimed it was risky because of my drive home...but why kiss me? Perhaps she faked it so I could feel safe? But she is too nice of a person to lead me on. Was she scared of confronting me about it? Was it a spur of the moment thing? If instead of going to the movies she spoke to me, i wouldn't be feeling as I do right now, i.e. confused, wanting to get back with her, missing her. I'd understand it much more clearly. It's really mind boggling...

 

Anyway, sorry about that, I just don't understand the purpose of that kiss.

 

So since the break up, it's been a week and we haven't spoken to one another. But it feels like a lot has been left unsaid between the two of us.

 

She told me I was a great guy, that I was respectful, to not hate her and that she hopes we can still be friends. But the thing that stood out most of all was at midway of the conversation, I ask her "i guess that this'll be the last time I see you?" and she replied with "Yeah, I guess so =/"

 

I at least have to try and make some form of contact, don't you think? I mean I know not right now, but maybe a week or so from now? It's tough because she's on facebook, on my cell, on steam, on skype..everywhere..

 

From a few threads I read on here, people will probably say that I shouldn't contact her because she's the dumper and she should contact me if she wants, but I don't think she will, even if she wants to.

 

I feel like I should at least try after giving each other some space. Even if it will end with a crash and burn, because she's worth it (in my opinion) and I care about her deeply.

 

Thanks for any comments in advance and have a great weekend everyone.

 

Was she scared of confronting me about it?

 

Yes, but only because she didn't want to feel bad for herself, not so much for your feelings. If she had truly considered your feelings, there would have been NO movie date, and NO kiss.

 

So she was trying to find a way to make it easier on her, not you.

 

She told me I was a great guy, that I was respectful, to not hate her and that she hopes we can still be friends.

 

Impossible. Not a chance. Two Hopes: Bob Hope, and NO HOPE.

 

Read my No Contact Guide (Updated 2013) in my signature - click on link, and read EVERY word.

 

Twice.

No - three times.

 

I at least have to try and make some form of contact, don't you think?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no and no.

Got it?

 

 

because she's on facebook, on my cell, on steam, on skype..everywhere..

Yeah. You'll have to delete, block and ignore all of those.

Seriously, we mean it.

Drop off her radar like you no longer exist.

She should be dead to you.

 

Read the Guide.

Print out a copy for every single flat surface in your home, one to hang in the bathroom (You need something to read while 'sitting and thinking', right?) and carry one with you at all times.

You think I'm kidding?

 

I'm not kidding.

Edited January 26, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[denxnis]

Did you tell her how you feel about her?

 

If so then move on.

 

Nothing you say or do will make her say, "Oh wow you are so right, lets go back together!".

 

That just doesn't happen...

 

Give her EXACTLY what she asked for, pretend like talking to her would give you an STD! Ok maybe it's a bad metaphor but you get the point.

 

The worst case scenario is that she doesn't contact you asking to reconcile; fortunately you have already begun to move on.

 

Best case scenario, she respects you because you listened and gave her what she asked for. She realizes someday in the future what a mistake she made and comes crawling back. It may not sound like the nicest thing but this woman basically said, "You're fired", walk away with some dignity and show her you are a man and not some coward who has to convince people to love you.

 

There is no "insta-FIX" for these type of situations which is why it is difficult. You have to stick to your guns man. Believe me when I say I've been there and done that.

[smartie]

Did you tell her how you feel about her?

 

If so then move on.

 

Nothing you say or do will make her say, "Oh wow you are so right, lets go back together!".

 

That just doesn't happen...

 

Give her EXACTLY what she asked for, pretend like talking to her would give you an STD! Ok maybe it's a bad metaphor but you get the point.

 

The worst case scenario is that she doesn't contact you asking to reconcile; fortunately you have already begun to move on.

 

Best case scenario, she respects you because you listened and gave her what she asked for. She realizes someday in the future what a mistake she made and comes crawling back. It may not sound like the nicest thing but this woman basically said, "You're fired", walk away with some dignity and show her you are a man and not some coward who has to convince people to love you.

 

There is no "insta-FIX" for these type of situations which is why it is difficult. You have to stick to your guns man. Believe me when I say I've been there and done that.

I did, expressed how I felt, how she made me feel and that I loved her. She asked if I did and/or if I was falling for her, so I decided to be honest with her and told her the truth. That's when she started saying the stuff about me being a good guy, etc.

 

lmao, yeah I get the point and after reading this post and the previous one, I actually feel much better and ready to take those steps of moving forward. Maybe one day she will realize the mistake she made, maybe she won't, but I'm starting to accept the fact that I'll never see and talk to her again. Thanks

[smartie]

Yes, but only because she didn't want to feel bad for herself, not so much for your feelings. If she had truly considered your feelings, there would have been NO movie date, and NO kiss.

 

So she was trying to find a way to make it easier on her, not you.

 

 

 

Impossible. Not a chance. Two Hopes: Bob Hope, and NO HOPE.

 

Read my No Contact Guide (Updated 2013) in my signature - click on link, and read EVERY word.

 

Twice.

No - three times.

 

 

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no and no.

Got it?

 

 

 

Yeah. You'll have to delete, block and ignore all of those.

Seriously, we mean it.

Drop off her radar like you no longer exist.

She should be dead to you.

 

Read the Guide.

Print out a copy for every single flat surface in your home, one to hang in the bathroom (You need something to read while 'sitting and thinking', right?) and carry one with you at all times.

You think I'm kidding?

 

I'm not kidding.

After reading your post on here and the NC guide you mentioned, I'm actually feeling much better. It's time I stopped moping around, feeling bad for myself and actually take care of myself/progress.

 

I know there's no chance of us being friends, and you're probably right about her saying that so she could feel better about it all. Seeing the answer you posted for my questions got me a tad angry at myself for moping and at her for possibly thinking that way. It was good that I felt that though because now I'm more motivated to move on with my life.

 

If that's how she felt about it all then what am I doing thinking and crying about it?! *faceplam* i'm such an idiot..

 

Thank you very much for answering my questions. Reading them and the NC guide really really helped and I mean that.

 

New chapter, new beginning.

[Samilia]

A mixture of back-story and questions:

 

My ex ended things a week ago and ever since then, we haven't exchanged a word. I keep thinking about the break up and what could have caused it because before she ended things with me online that day, we actually met up prior and went to the movies and kissed. Later when she ended things though, I told her it was best if we had actually spoken in person, but she claimed it was risky because of my drive home...but why kiss me? Perhaps she faked it so I could feel safe? But she is too nice of a person to lead me on. Was she scared of confronting me about it? Was it a spur of the moment thing? If instead of going to the movies she spoke to me, i wouldn't be feeling as I do right now, i.e. confused, wanting to get back with her, missing her. I'd understand it much more clearly. It's really mind boggling...

 

Anyway, sorry about that, I just don't understand the purpose of that kiss.

 

So since the break up, it's been a week and we haven't spoken to one another. But it feels like a lot has been left unsaid between the two of us.

 

She told me I was a great guy, that I was respectful, to not hate her and that she hopes we can still be friends. But the thing that stood out most of all was at midway of the conversation, I ask her "i guess that this'll be the last time I see you?" and she replied with "Yeah, I guess so =/"

 

I at least have to try and make some form of contact, don't you think? I mean I know not right now, but maybe a week or so from now? It's tough because she's on facebook, on my cell, on steam, on skype..everywhere..

 

From a few threads I read on here, people will probably say that I shouldn't contact her because she's the dumper and she should contact me if she wants, but I don't think she will, even if she wants to.

 

I feel like I should at least try after giving each other some space. Even if it will end with a crash and burn, because she's worth it (in my opinion) and I care about her deeply.

 

Thanks for any comments in advance and have a great weekend everyone.

 

First, you take her off your facebook, ipad, ipod, skype, twitter, steam, ventrilo, cellphone, pager, etc.. Because she broke up with you and there is not point in holding on to the ghosts of her presence in your life.

 

Second, I read a lot about the dumpers saying how great of a guy/girl you guys are, how respectful and funny you are, how bad she feels but she has to go figure things out for herself, hope no hard feelings, let's stay friends! blah blah blah.. people.. what do you expect? Would it be better for her to say "hey *sshole, I don't want to date you anymore, can't stand that smell of you, kissing you is a chore". Is that it?

 

What she said about you, what happened prior to the break up, should not leave you hopeful, it should leave you single. You're single, it's over. So no, you don't contact her in a week, or two, because the only one who's left with something unsaid is you. If she changes her mind, she knows how to contact you. You will be then empowered, it will be your choice to take her back, or not. But you won't be the dumpee anymore, or the begger. Keep in mind that most likely, she's gone. How you handle it though can save you a few weeks of being alone and miserable.