Intro and Moving On

[Yamcha]

Hey, this could be a long-ass post, but I'll try to keep it as concise as possible.

 

I'm 28, have got a decent job answering phones and am looking to go back to school to pursue other options in the health care field, as well as volunteering in said field.

 

Up to the age of 24, I never really thought I would or even cared about getting a relationship. Then (as lame as it sounds) a girl at my last job flirted with me HARD, rubbing her tits against me. I idiotically fell in love and had a oneitis for about 6 months till it faded. My brother actually ended up dating her and confirmed that she's a basket case and bad news altogether.

 

 

It's mostly venting, but I have learned the value of working out from them and got into stronglifts, which I love. I also got into online dating.

 

Anywho, there was this girl that loved to tease and use guys that targeted folks from that site. She even had a boyfriend already, but still flirted with other dudes. And I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. My better sense could tell that she was trouble, but I went after her anyway. I eventually ended up losing my virginity to her. But it was anything but a good idea. Her crazed manipulative antics got me doing stuff for her that I'm not proud of, but consider a learning experience. Needless to say, I was engulfed in hatred for her that subsided over time.

 

I KINDA had a relationship (no sex) with this one girl I met on eHarmony. It didn't go beyond kissing and whatnot and was only a month.

 

But flash forward to about half a year ago, and I met this girl who was totally into me on that site. She really made it easy for the relationship to flourish. She had sex with me on the first date. She was very sexually open and we engaged in many a kinky good time and had great times outside of that, as well. She showered me with praise and love and affection. But behind the scenes, there were many problems. She still hated her ex (which I could relate to, since I had the aforementioned manipulative bitch). She had psychological issues and believed in ghosts and stuff in my apartment. And she stayed in contact with dudes who clearly wanted her, which is never a good sign.

 

But nonetheless, she asked me to marry her 3 months into the relationship. I agreed, but I do believe that due to the above issues, I wasn't completely into it and it showed. And then, I was blindsided by the fact that she wanted to break up with me. She (of course) still wanted to be friends and even still said she loved me. But obviously, that wasn't the case. I foolishly continued to see her and have sex with her.

 

Not a week later, she was dating some other dude. And though she still took me out and whatnot (and asked me to get back together if things didn't work out with this other dude), I told her on the last night that we were together that the pain is too much for me and I can't see her anymore. We were getting hot and heavy that night (no sex, though), which I'm not totally proud of. I left it open whether we can see each other in time, but told her not to contact me until I do so first. It was the hardest thing I had to do, and I even lashed out at people who told me to do it, but it was the best thing to do.

 

I was trying to find someone else, in the meantime. And I met a bunch of girls through online dating. But there was only one that I really liked, and she was young and wanted to date around. The rest I wasn't really into, even though one of 'em was clearly into me big time. Actually, two of them. Maybe three.

 

I've gone through the pain. I've gone through the loneliness. I've gone through the beating myself up and the "No one will ever really love me," crap. I've beat myself up for not being rich and successful and able to attract women that I like. But, at the end of the day, I can be proud that I've started doing the right thing. No contact was simultaneously one of the hardest and one of the best choices I have made. Honestly, at this point, I do feel that I will not contact her ever again.

 

In case you didn't pick it up already, I can be really shy and awkward around girls and find it immensely difficult to initiate with them in real life (which is why I turned to online dating). It's something I really want to try, but I let the fear get the better of me. I still do some online dating, but (besides career goals) this is one of my biggest goals to overcome. I hope to meet a girl through my social circle, too. And my friend wants to help me. Nothing yet, but I'm hoping I can not be so desperate for a relationship as I was when I got dumped. I'm hoping to take it easy. Not necessarily avoiding having sex in a timely manner, but not getting so hung up on love and needing to have someone in my life and all that jazz.

 

Well, if you read all that, thanks! It was good to get it off my chest.

Edited January 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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