She fell of the planet during a conversation, seemed it was going well too?

January 11, 2013

Hi all! My name is James, this is my first post on the forums, quite a long one but would appreciate it if you read my story.

I turned 18 at the end of June and have been going to this night club every Friday since, without fail (Even on my 18th as my 18th was on a Friday) and well 8 weeks ago I was outside with my friend while he was smoking and this Girl asked my friend for a lighter, he gave it her, she was stood next to me and 5 minutes later she did the same thing, then introduced herself to him then me. She shook my hand and said "oh my god you have a cute handshake" and after that she kept talking to me about how cute I was for 5minutes (no joke) she then asked for my number, I gave it her and then we parted ways. Later I noticed her and she looked at me and waved and smiled, I waved back, and that was the last time I saw her that night.

When I got home at 3.30 am I text her saying "I never got your name" and we got talking and all that, she said that she hoped I had had a good night too. The next morning (Saturday) we spent ALL DAY talking, and she mentioned how she would like to see me again, and how she'd like to see me when she wasn't drunk, she also told me she saved me as "cute James" in her phone. She later asked me if we wanted to meet up on the Sunday, I agreed and we continued talking all throughout the day. Come Sunday and she text me saying "since you have to get up early for work wanna change to saturday?" so we did.

We spent all that week talking, She kept calling me "Hun" and "Petal" I thought "Hm cool, she is into me quite a lot" and then on the Saturday we met at this Posh Chinese just before 7pm, we ate, it went great! We then went to this bar for drinks, it was lovely, she thought it was really sweet how I would go out with her to smoke, we once went out this fire escape and then were caught and were told we weren't to be out there. A few hours later, after some good conversations and laughters, she asked me if we should go out there again, we did, we sat on this wall, she smoked and I said "wanna go back inside?" and she said "hm" quietly and looked at me, and we started kissing. Was for a good 5minutes, she was very passionate about it, she was running her fingers through my hair, words cannot describe how it felt, and how I felt, it was the most passionate thing I've ever done.

We got caught and we found it funny, went back in and continued to chat and drink ect. Hours later It got to 1Am and we left the bar, went to the bank to get some money and she put her arm around me while we were waiting, then she grabbed my hand and held it, I was beyond surprised, but I felt so happy too, I suddenly felt "worth" something to this girl, early I know, but I have never had someone be this interested in me, let alone someone else be the one initiating it all, I loved that. Just after she took my hand we started walking, she then said something about me being "boyfriend!" and for some strange reason I said "Girlfriend" 5 minutes later we arrived at the taxis where we soon parted ways. She said "Well James, I had a really lovely night" We hugged and then we begun kissing, again it was as passionate as the last, she then said "I could eat you" giggled, smiled and got into the taxi.

When I got home I asked if she had gotten home ok, she replied and said again "James, thankyou for the lovely night" In total, we had been out for over 6 hours for our first date together.

Day later she mentioned how she really wanted to see me again, so we arranged to go bowling and drinking. We chatted throughout the week, I paid for bowling and she said she wanted to pay for the drinks. We had 2 games. Had a lovely time, during the games she sat down and said "shame you can't come out during the week" I said "we can go for coffee's and stuff!" she said "lovely, that'd be great!" we continued to play till the end of the second game where we then went to sit on this sofa, we chatted and went smoking a couple of times, she even showed me what she had saved my name as, she said she really wanted to check out my music (she thinks it's cool I like heavy Music) On one of the times we went smoking she mentioned how her friend really needed her and how she really didn't want to leave me but I said it was fine. We went to the tram station, continued talking where she then said "awww are your fingers cold?" and took my hand and touched them. I asked if she was cold and she said that she was and I put my arm out and she said "aww that's cute" and put her arm around me, the tram came and we got on and talked, we got off the tram and she put her arm around me, we got to my Bus stop, said she had a lovely time again and was really sorry for having to leave, we hugged and kissed again, she then said "call me!" we parted and later I text her telling her not to worry and how I had a lovely night, I asked how her friend was ect and she said she was ok and "I had a lovely night too sweetie" she said "We should go out again for sure!" and told her to let me know when she's next free and we'll arrange something, she text back saying "Lovely x x" I text her the day after asking how she was and she later replied, she said that last night was depressing (I.e, her friend) I text back, got no reply.

The week was strange, I text her on the Monday, she replied once, then stopped replying, I then text her tuesday, no reply. I later realised her phone was actually off, I knew this because each time I text her, the message would be green rather than blue (we both have Iphones) I called her a few times too, it put me straight onto her answer phone. I was worried, and well, I imagine this was a mistake of mine. She later text me on the saturday saying that she had been really busy, we spoke about what we were both up to, she said she was off to a gig, I later said "we should go to a gig!" She gave a very positive reply, she said "Deffo!!! Fave ever date!!! x I'm working till 5 next saturday but we can go then x" we spoke a little more than stopped cause she was out. Text once or twice on the Sunday, *she stopped replying) Then Monday I text her saying I was thinking about a hot air balloon trip, she later replied saying how extravagant it was.

After she finished work (5.30 ish) she text me back, saying we should go to a gig, and that she'd look for times when she got home. She was texting me whilst she was driving and she then said "Omg I'm proper s**t up! someone just ran out hit the car then walked off!" I replied asking if everything was ok and she said "Was only going about 10mph!"

Sadly, this was the end. That was the last text she ever sent to me. Why? I do not know. I replied with "are you still driving hun? don't need to text me whilst you're driving x" Got no reply, later I asked if I could check some of her music out (she mentioned on the second date how she wanted me to look at some songs, and how she was really interested in checking my music out) Day later I text her saying "up to much tonight?" I was going to call her, but didn't want to call her incase she was busy, because she had that day off work to study. I thought "Hm I'll leave her alone" Didn't text for 2 days, it came to friday and I asked her if she still wanted to see me on saturday, No reply, Come saturday, I broke and asked if she could at least tell me if she was no longer interested. No reply. I further made it worse because at his point, I was so confused, and on the tuesday I basically told her how I felt, no reply.

So the question is, what the hell happened? She literally started the spark off so well, she took it seriously it seemed, was very interested, we were in the middle of arranging a third night out together, then she just vanished during our conversations about our third night out and then someone walking out in front of her car?

Some thing I've noticed also, when we met she spoke about how she didn't like facebook and de-activated it months ago, it seems she's re activated it recently, not sure this has anything to do with me what so ever, but it's another strange part of the puzzle.

I'm not going to go into detail how I feel over this because quite frankly these things effect people differently, so it'd be hard for people to understand how I feel about this. I can say that had it been pretty "casual" I wouldn't really care, but it seemed more than casual considering the depth of the intimacy and the conversations we were having. She spoke about us as "we" during the whole period, both before we even went out together, and during the dates and after the dates.

Edited January 11, 2013 by ohno_itsjames

January 11, 2013

Welcome to LS

I suppose you'd like a long-winded answer with a lot of psychological insight, and maybe you'll get that, but my short version is that she's a young lady and it's what they often do. Some grow and change; others do not.

My short advice is to invest less and don't believe everything women say. Listen to it and watch for actions to back it up/refute it, but don't believe it at face value. Good luck.

January 11, 2013

Cheers and thanks for the reply!

See the thing is, at first I was taking it steady, during the period of time where she met me, I wasn't overly bothered about having a relationship.

But then she came, came across as sweet and well, showed her interest. However I still took it some what carefully. I wasn't always fast with my replies ect, I was capable of reading her messages then happily replying an hour later, that's not to say I wasn't interested before the first date, because I was interested before the first date, but I didn't feel pressured to text her back straight away.

It just boggles my mind really, I thought it might of been me texting her too much, but why would she of been so happy with the idea of going to a gig with me?

She told me about why she left her boyfriend (not sure which one) it was because she didn't want to hurt him because he told her that he loved her but she didn't love him.

She turned a guy down for me before we met, on the first date she told me about a guy asking her to come home with him, she said no and then pointed at me and said "he's cute" so the guy told her to get my number, that's why she came over to me. When she asked for my number and telling me how cute I was, the guy tried to interfere and change the conversation to "want to have a threesome with us?" At the time I thought he was her boyfriend but when I got home and we first started texting she said in one of the texts "btw that guy wasn't my boyfriend" (showing her interest was in me)

Edited January 11, 2013 by ohno_itsjames

January 11, 2013

....I suppose you'd like a long-winded answer with a lot of psychological insight, and maybe you'll get that, but my short version is that she's a young lady and it's what they often do. Some grow and change; others do not.

My short advice is to invest less and don't believe everything women say. Listen to it and watch for actions to back it up/refute it, but don't believe it at face value. Good luck.

Equally relevant after 2nd post....

This is what I don't get.... at times, even the longest post simply merits a short 'n' sweet response, which actually says all you need to hear.

Carhill is right, and no amount of elaboration, justification or rationale will change the fact that she's young and flighty.

You're not alone in this, though, it must be said.... An awful lot of people come back in with a second post which amounts to "Yes, but....."

She's fickle, likes the attention and is testing the waters to see how good she is at winning hearts.

You're 18.

Honestly, don't sweat it.

At your age, it really isn't wise to become too serious, intense or philosophical about every and any actions....

The thing to establish is what you will - and what you won't - stand for.

Don't put up with 'it' (whatever 'it' may be) and don't do it to others.

January 11, 2013

Equally relevant after 2nd post....

This is what I don't get.... at times, even the longest post simply merits a short 'n' sweet response, which actually says all you need to hear.
Carhill is right, and no amount of elaboration, justification or rationale will change the fact that she's young and flighty.

You're not alone in this, though, it must be said.... An awful lot of people come back in with a second post which amounts to "Yes, but....."
She's fickle, likes the attention and is testing the waters to see how good she is at winning hearts.

You're 18.
Honestly, don't sweat it.
At your age, it really isn't wise to become too serious, intense or philosophical about every and any actions....

The thing to establish is what you will - and what you won't - stand for.
Don't put up with 'it' (whatever 'it' may be) and don't do it to others.

Cheers for the reply, you are definitely correct, It's taken me a few weeks to see it how I'm seeing it now really.

With that said, it makes me wonder how I should take future encounters with them, not sure whether I can be bothered to deal with knowing that they're testing waters or not. If it's casual, then yeah It's cool with me, but if they elevate it to not just being "casual" then yeah I certainly don't want to be wrapped up in a "test"

To the highlighted point, one of the things I can definitely say is that I wont ever fall off the planet the same way she suddenly did. I think the other person certainly does deserve being told, rather than ignoring them which then makes them spend time wondering what ever happened, like me, I've spent the last 5 weeks wondering what I did/where I went wrong.

Edited January 11, 2013 by ohno_itsjames

January 11, 2013

Just relax, and don't try to understand it, case you won't. Just relax and enjoy your youth. There will be bunch of girl's like that. Same thing happened to me for hundreds of time's. So don't take it personally its just like that with young girls

January 11, 2013

Just relax, and don't try to understand it, case you won't. Just relax and enjoy your youth. There will be bunch of girl's like that. Same thing happened to me for hundreds of time's. So don't take it personally its just like that with young girls

Yeah, although I thought I had dodged that type (didn't have any relationships at school) Her birthday was a day after mine, only she was a year older, guess that one year difference didn't make... a difference haha

January 11, 2013

This is what 18 year old girls do. That's why u don't invest very much into these relationships until u are well into it, even then u still have to keep our head on a swivel cause they will still pull this ****. This doesn't really change until they get out of their early 20's.

January 11, 2013

I don't know really, I felt fine earlier, but as soon as I got ready to go out, things came back to me, I left my house to get some money, and I decided there and then that I did not want to go out.

Really, she walked into my life and suddenly gave me all I had ever really cared about when it came to relationships and dating. At the time I was up for casual, but it rapidly changed to not being casual. It's been hard enough over the last 3 years. I went from feeling like I had nothing to feeling like I was going to have something, Like I said in my thread, there isn't really any point in explaining why I feel like I do now.

I don't know why I want her to contact me either, but I do

Edited January 11, 2013 by ohno_itsjames

January 13, 2013

So after 5 weeks of NC, I decided to text her, not sure why really (I get it, NC=good but I felt better for it really) and she actually replied, although she then stopped replying soon after lol

I just said "Hey how are you?x" she replied with "I'm not bad thanks how are you doin?X" I replied with "I'm good thanks, how was your Christmas?x"

She didn't reply again, but why did she bother replying at all and then not reply? I don't regret texting her, some reason I feel a little better over it really.

Edited January 13, 2013 by ohno_itsjames

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