Broke No Contact, now I have a major dilemma.

[throwaway_here]

Posted this yesterday but only got one reply, I really need advice on this.

 

So I'm 21 year old guy my ex is 20 both in different colleges. She broke up with me two months ago saying she wasn't happy, she wanted to just be single and concentrate on work and college. I asked was there someone else and she said no there wasn't and there isn't going to be for a good while.

 

So after a few days of contact we just stopped talking for a month or so then I asked would she like to hang out to catch up and she said no that it would be too much too soon, I said that was fine. A few days later I cut off contact I told her that I can't just keep waiting around on her to contact me or get with someone else and that I needed to do it to keep healthy. I deleted her off facebook and she said thought it was a good idea if that was what I needed.

 

Fast forward to now. I was using no contact for the wrong reason, to bring her back, and while it has helped me heal a lot I still just was hoping for her to contact me and then I thought to myself "why would she break it if I told her I needed it, if she respected me she wouldn't."

so I sent her this.

 

"Hey, I'm just writing to you because I need to get something off my mind. I went into no contact mode with you because I thought I needed it to heal and it has helped but honestly after a month I still think about you a lot. I know we can’t really be friends but I’d hate to think I shut the door on you completely, if you did ever want or need to talk about us or anything I don’t want you think that you can’t because of what I said. I'm honestly in a much better place now than when I wrote that message and I've been doing a lot better. I'm not expecting a reply to this I just felt like it needed to be said, I just don’t want to have any regrets when it comes to us. Hope all is going well, and if I don’t speak to you I hope you have a nice Christmas."

 

I honestly thought she wouldn't reply but she did with this.

 

"Thanks , I appreciate that and I know its something you had to do , I'm glad to hear you're feeling better "

 

Now I don't know whether I should reply or just leave it. I mean what she said was nice and I didn't think she'd reply at all but it doesn't seem like she wants further conversation and to be honest, looking at her facebook it seems shes pretty happy but I guess that could be a front cos I've done the same.

 

So what should I do LS, keep up light conversation and reply every few days or just leave things they way they are knowing that she knows the doors open if she wants to try things again.

[cavalier99]

Man I hate to dash hopes. But the truth is it is over and she isn't coming back. There is no dilemma. If you want to move on you need to kill this unrealistic hope and go NC and totally dissappear. If she wanted to get back together she would be crying at your door/and she isnt. She isnt torn up. You are.

 

This is about YOU now and your recovery. If you keep on stringing yourself along your recovery will take a lot longer and the pain will continue.

[big bear]

Been there, done that.

 

Time to move on friend.. Don't harbor false hopes.

 

IF they come back, they come back when you are over them and then it really does not matter.

 

Move on for Real and do NC for healing not in false illusions.

[Gottabestrong]

She does not ask you any questions in her reply, it is rather clear to me that she does not want you to reply.

 

I would suggest you don't contact her again and just let it be. If she wants to contact you she knows where to find you. You have said everything there is to say, unfortunately it does not sound like she wants to stay in touch, so just let it be and move on with your life.

 

Good luck!

[Jono85]

1. i'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, we've ALL been through it and it just flat out sucks.

 

2. that email wasn't a great idea for a couple of reasons. i totally understand why u had to write it, as i've done similar foolish things as recent as this past summer with my last breakup at age 26, but vow to stop this forever. but those kind of emails, that either A. plead for her back, B. let her know how ****ty you still feel and wonder how she could do this to "us", C. show her that you've moved on or are in a better place now...basically ANY form of contact, will not help you get your gf back. not only that, if that isn't your intention (believe me you sent it b/c u were curious to see how she'd react or if she missed u etc), those kind of emails still just compromise your dignity and you end up A. taking longer to heal, and B. feeling more pathetic about showing her how much pain she caused you. not only that, if you DO still eventually want to be with her and think she's an amazing girl who's just going through things at the moment, showing her how much she hurt you will likely keep her away for good.

 

3. so you've sent the email. she at least replied, so it's not like your dignity was completely compromised. but now u must stop ALL contact. no merry christmas, happy new years, nothing. in fact i'd even ignore those things if she sends them, to send the msg that if she doesn't want you in her life, you're not going to be a friend. it's not a 'tactic' or mean, it's survival. u need to get it into ur head that she's done forever. she really hasn't given u ANY reason to believe she's second guessing her decision. she's been quite firm. time to go NC and start 2013 off with a clean slate. ur very young. u'll find someone who'll love u much more.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude. But it's done. That text sounded like she was sending inbetween classes. All that was is a simple response stating that she got your message. Nothing more and nothing less. Chances are, as soon as she sent it, you were back out of her mind again.

 

Time to move on, dude. And time to start using NC for what it was intended for. To heal and move on.