th90 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 I feel like a broken record now. I don't even know what to say anymore and my eyes are swollen due to crying. Would it be easier for me if I confront him to ask for the truth? Is it because of someone else? I can't understand why he would ever leave me when he said he can't wait to get married and travel the world with me. He made plans with me and for me within the same week he broke up with me. Is he happy now that I'm out of his life? I hate myself so much for dwelling in this again. I thought I was doing okay 2 days ago :'( I really want to talk to him but I know I can't. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Youll be fine. Sounds to me like you might actually be improving believe it or not. Your just getting the last of the intense suffering out of you system. Just cry cry cry and just.... give up the fight. It is exhausting. Did he tell you anything? I'm sure he said something. If not make up a reason. Afraid to commit etcetera. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 This might make you feel better. This was me NOV 15 after I also thought I was doing soooo well. BIG turning point for me. I haven't cried since. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357332-friggin-fed-up-sick-tired-recovery Link to post Share on other sites
Author th90 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Share Posted December 13, 2012 I'm beginning to doubt if I was even making the slightest bit of progression. Thanks. I hope what you said is true for me. I'm feeling really bitter. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Good ..see... feeling bitter is better than feeling powerless. Your getting stronger! Get mad! Then let it go and do it again and again until you get tired of it! At least you don't have a problem feeling you emotions or crying lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author th90 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Share Posted December 13, 2012 I was really hard on myself because I kept holding back my tears but I let them out today and feel really bitter about what's happened. Your thread was really good and I'll keep reading till it makes sense to me. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 I was really hard on myself because I kept holding back my tears but I let them out today and feel really bitter about what's happened. Your thread was really good and I'll keep reading till it makes sense to me. Thanks! I guess i just wanted to let you know that we all cry even a month or more after the breakup and AFTER feeling like we were improving. It is normal. But if you cry..cry for yourself now. That you need to get better. Look at this torture he/you put yourself thru. Stop asking questions. He was young and wanted to explore. END OF STORY. I think our brains can only handle so much suffering and we snap out of the worst of it. You'll get there. There is hope. You wont feel like this in a few weeks...or even later today Link to post Share on other sites
Author th90 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Share Posted December 13, 2012 I guess i just wanted to let you know that we all cry even a month or more after the breakup and AFTER feeling like we were improving. It is normal. But if you cry..cry for yourself now. That you need to get better. Look at this torture he/you put yourself thru. Stop asking questions. He was young and wanted to explore. END OF STORY. I think our brains can only handle so much suffering and we snap out of the worst of it. You'll get there. There is hope. You wont feel like this in a few weeks...or even later today My heart is broken. My trust is gone and a bond is broken. It feels like rock bottom already but I was only hallucinating. Reality is I'm still falling mid-air with a malfunctioned parachute and going down, consciously knowing this is the end, but I've been falling for nearly 6 weeks and still unable to hit the ground because he has brought me up so high in the sky then selfishly decided to disappear from my world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 My heart is broken. My trust is gone and a bond is broken. It feels like rock bottom already but I was only hallucinating. Reality is I'm still falling mid-air with a malfunctioned parachute and going down, consciously knowing this is the end, but I've been falling for nearly 6 weeks and still unable to hit the ground because he has brought me up so high in the sky then selfishly decided to disappear from my world. Very poetic. I like how you write. Are you done parachuting for today? Time to stand up again! One day at a time until you walk this off. Cav Link to post Share on other sites
itsmyfault Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 I agree also, you have a very poetic way of writing. It had a moment today actually, just for a minute or so. It was like everything that happened run through my mind really quickly. I wasn't upset but I just thought to myself "oh yeah, that happened" Keep it up, honestly you are doing well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author th90 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 Thank you! I'm flattered because my name never went with poetry. lol Instead of starting a new thread to get you people's opinions, I will just post here. This is not over-analyzing my relationship with my ex to get any hopes up or anything at all, I just want to know whether I was not good enough or the problem wasn't with me in the first place. In any way, I hope I can use this to improve myself for future relationship(if I ever had one again). Things were always great with my ex except for one thing that we would always fight about. His friends. More often than not, he would spend a lot of time with his friends and not make time for me which fueled arguments one after another. Being in LDR, I always stressed to him that it was important to communicate with each other and he understood that and said there was nothing more important in his life than me. Despite saying so, he still would hang out with his friends all the time and I would put it in such a way that I'd say his friends and him were literally in love with each other. They just couldn't spend time apart. His friends included males and females but it was a little overboard for me considering the amount of time they spent together. It was such that he would hang out with them after work and came back really tired, all the time knowing I was waiting for him to online so we could talk. So he would make up by saying he would talk to me on the weekends but he would still be unable to make any time for me because he never said no to his friends. I got angry because I felt like I was the last on his list and he only talked to me out of convenience. He always denied and told me I had no idea how important I was but his actions contradicted everything he said. Once I ignored him for 3 days and he said it was the most depressing days of his life. I believed that he did try to make time but I really couldn't understand how hard could it be especially for the person you loved most. Out of anger, I would punish him by ignoring him and giving him the cold shoulders. I was harsh at times but it was all due to anger. My friends told me that this only happened because we were apart which I could relate because we weren't like that before our relationship became LDR. I hope to get some opinions on this. I want to know whether I was being harsh on him which led to the demise of our relationship. I see this as the only problem that we had (not even the distance!!) but I know he did change after getting a really well-paid job at a big company(in Aug and broke up with me on 5th Nov). Besides this, I have been supportive of him except on the things that I thought was unnecessary and a waste of time which was not the case for him. So at times he did think that I was always against the things that he liked. Once again, this is not over-analyzing things. I just want opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 I didn't read it all. 1) are you feeling better today? 2) LDRs rarely work 3) if you weren't priority it wasn't your fault. The only fault you have was letting it go on. Lesson for next relationship. 4) You both were really young and it was 99 percent inevitable it was going to end for whatever reason. Timing wasn't right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author th90 Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 1) I'm feeling better today. 2) Ldrs don't always work but I thought we were gonna make it after so long. 3) I agree with you I was only letting it tortured me. Which was also why I brought this up because guys always feel challenged when their girlfriends dislike their circle of friends. Either way, I still don't know whether I was the one who couldn't understand his needs to be with his friends or he was the one getting too much with things. 4) Yup, timing was totally off Happy birthday to you Cavalier99! Saw your announcement in another thread lol. Have a blast! Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 1) I'm feeling better today. 2) Ldrs don't always work but I thought we were gonna make it after so long. 3) I agree with you I was only letting it tortured me. Which was also why I brought this up because guys always feel challenged when their girlfriends dislike their circle of friends. Either way, I still don't know whether I was the one who couldn't understand his needs to be with his friends or he was the one getting too much with things. 4) Yup, timing was totally off Happy birthday to you Cavalier99! Saw your announcement in another thread lol. Have a blast! Thanks for the B-DAY wishes! Wish i was feeling good about it but am sort of down. Oh well. Sigh Link to post Share on other sites
Author th90 Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 We're all on the same boat so cheer up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
denxnis Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Cavalier, happy birthday brother. Nice to know there are caring and compassionate people out there, even if it's just on the internet 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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