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Girlfriend of 2 years broke up

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Old 6th December 2012, 12:32 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Girlfriend of 2 years broke up

Hi, im relatively new here, i just needed a place to talk things out and possibly somewhere that can help me understand what is happening and what i can/can't do.
I will try keep this relatively short, as opposed to some of the longer messages on this forum as we are all busy!

Me and this girl started dating 2 years ago, we both met at university and she was the one who made a move first. Throughout this time we had a lot of fun doing things together. Her parents were very cultural and thus never let her out that much at night, but we made the most of what we had during the day.

This year was her final year at uni so she was quite stressed at the end of the semester nearing her final exam period. She had a assignment that was over 2 weeks late, i kept putting pressure on her to go and submit it as it was ruining her future as if she did not submit it she would lose her average and thus not be allowed to get into a honours year which she had constantly said she wanted to do. I understand that me pressuring her was wrong, but somehow it led to her breaking up with me.

Over the next 2 months i knew that i should give her space and not pursue after her, so i tried doing that but i only managed to last 1 week or so without contacting her. so i understood that i probably pushed her away more. The thing is she kept telling me things like, i need time to myself and in a few years we will get hitched and that she had never ment to actually break up with me but when she did she started thinking about other things.

Her family is very cultural and a part in this is that her parents wouldn't fully accept me and her being together. So over the next few weeks we would talk for 2 hrs and she would be very cold and abbrassive whenever i brought up the relationship which would lead to us not talking for a week. This went on for 2 months as stated.

Last week i finally managed to get a grip on myself and stop talking to her, however 2 weeks later university results came out and she realized she may be in trouble so she initiated a conversation with me via text. she stated that she may of failed and was really stressed, i diddn't bring up the relationship as i knew it would most likely stress her out. However she did and imade the mistake of saying that i dont really care about the relationship (which i actually do, i just did not want to sound needy). She then said "Good, once you have graduated and i am... i dont know what and you still love me we can get hitched....

this attitude in general is completely messing with me, as she doesnt want to talk about the relationship but at the same time admits she wants to be with me in the future, now i understand she may just be saying that. My 21st is coming up in january and she had told me a few days ago that she is incredibly excited to come....

Now im not really sure what to do basically she is refusing to talk about the relationship but expects me to be a friend until she sorts herself out. I understand that i should keep a distance its just i am struggling alot, and i know i have made it worse over the past 2 months by contacting her almost weekly. I just need some guidance on what to do in regards to giving her space and when it would be (if ever) suitable to contact her again.
Natchitra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th December 2012, 1:17 AM   #2
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"I don't want to be with you now, you're not important enough to me right now, put you life on hold and wait years until I'm ready to be with you (maybe)".

This is what she's saying right?
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Old 6th December 2012, 1:50 AM   #3
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Kind of, shes basically saying she needs time to sort herself out.
Throughout our relationship she has basically thrown herself at me, relying on me a lot. I was cautious and i kept drawing attention to this fact, as my sister broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years for that reason (loss of independance).

Now i understand losing your independance being a problem, infact through our relationship i kept hinting at it occasionally but now she cant even stand to talk about the relationship so i can get closure, yet i feel like im being kept as a security net. The original agreement was not to talk or communicate with each other from 2 weeks ago until a friends 21st birthday party on january the 6th, (2 weeks before mine), except i, sadly, struggled to go no contact and out of character i became extremely clingy which i never was in our relationship.
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