na49 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I know that I am improving just based on how I find myself thinking of my ex less and less, and when I see her I'm not analyzing her behavior looking for "reasons" and how her actions relate to me. I realize that she is living life without me and that she doesn't owe me anything. Everything she does now has nothing to do with me. I get that. My question is, even though I know she isn't coming back, and that after the semester is over next week, I shouldn't see her at all unless it is on campus. Yet for some strange reason, there's a small piece of me that is thinking she'll be back. There's a small piece of me that is delusional and says "oh we were meant for each other, we loved each other, etc." Is there any way for me to convince that small piece of me that it is DONE and that I am better off without her? Or does time need to get rid of that for me? I haven't been able to go a day without thinking about her/the relationship since the BU which was 2 months ago, and I realize she probably goes weeks without thinking about me. I've been NC for 1 month and the feelings aren't as strong as they were. Will I ever not think of her? I really don't like when I do, and do you think not seeing her will help me to think of her less? Thanks, posting here has definitely helped me.
GraceisGone Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I know how you feel, I have kind of been having the same feeling. I've told myself I'm ready to move on, but I'd be kidding myself if I thought it was going to be smooth sailing from here on out. I know there will still be bumps in the road, times when I feel like the world is coming to an end. They'll probably be times I will think that she will contact me again. I think eventually, that last bit of hope will just go away. When a breakup happens, you do truly go through a roller coaster of emotions, but I can only imagine that the road to moving on gets a little clearer when you start having less and less bad days, and more good days. The key is to just keep on keeping on and don't do anything to set yourself back. Rebuilding your self confidence is a tough thing to do, but if you stick to NC and enjoy the good days, those bad days where that last shred of hope is poking at the back of your mind will gradually go away.
Author na49 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 I really hope so, it is usually when I feel alone that the thoughts of wanting/thinking she will be back happen. I don't really want to even try getting into another relationship because I know that it wouldn't work for me. I still have a few pictures on my facebook. (she uploaded all of the pics of us and has me blocked so I can't see them or anything) Should I get rid of them? They really don't bother me because I never look at them, and when I have looked at them I really didn't feel anything. I don't want to forget what happened and erase any "evidence", but realize that it has and that it's over. That the relationship is an example of what not to do in my next one whenever it happens down the road. Not seeing her anymore should help me make her a memory right?
GraceisGone Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I really hope so, it is usually when I feel alone that the thoughts of wanting/thinking she will be back happen. I don't really want to even try getting into another relationship because I know that it wouldn't work for me. I still have a few pictures on my facebook. (she uploaded all of the pics of us and has me blocked so I can't see them or anything) Should I get rid of them? They really don't bother me because I never look at them, and when I have looked at them I really didn't feel anything. I don't want to forget what happened and erase any "evidence", but realize that it has and that it's over. That the relationship is an example of what not to do in my next one whenever it happens down the road. Not seeing her anymore should help me make her a memory right? I think that is up to you. Personally, I've made the decision not to go that far. I don't have her as a friend on Facebook anymore, but I didn't block her and our pictures are still on my Facebook. I try not to really look at them, but I did glance at them yesterday and like you, didn't really feel that bad about it. I think that shows good progress for both of us. I just felt like I didn't want to go that far. I didn't want to have her as a friend on Facebook so I wouldn't always be checking up on her, but the memories are still there, so I figured the pictures wouldn't be that much worse then the memories. I know what you mean about another relationship. I think it's best to just have some casual flings and not get into anything serious so soon. I think if the right person came along, I wouldn't have a problem getting into another relationship, but at this point, there is no need to rush it because that would make me feel like I am trying to replace her and it wouldn't be fair for either party.
flitzanu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I know that I am improving just based on how I find myself thinking of my ex less and less, and when I see her I'm not analyzing her behavior looking for "reasons" and how her actions relate to me. I realize that she is living life without me and that she doesn't owe me anything. Everything she does now has nothing to do with me. I get that. My question is, even though I know she isn't coming back, and that after the semester is over next week, I shouldn't see her at all unless it is on campus. Yet for some strange reason, there's a small piece of me that is thinking she'll be back. There's a small piece of me that is delusional and says "oh we were meant for each other, we loved each other, etc." Is there any way for me to convince that small piece of me that it is DONE and that I am better off without her? Or does time need to get rid of that for me? I haven't been able to go a day without thinking about her/the relationship since the BU which was 2 months ago, and I realize she probably goes weeks without thinking about me. I've been NC for 1 month and the feelings aren't as strong as they were. Will I ever not think of her? I really don't like when I do, and do you think not seeing her will help me to think of her less? Thanks, posting here has definitely helped me. depends, it can be removed if you know voodoo. kidding. no, there's no way to remove your hope. that's your gut. tell your brain to tell your gut to stop hurting. it takes time. a lot of time. but it eventually goes away, little by little each day. whether it takes you months or years, that's just how long it takes.
TaraMaiden Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I say this a lot: "There's no 'i' in team, and all 'hope' contains, is a big fat 'zero'." Pandora famously and unwittingly released all the furies, ills and evils of the world, when she opened the box consigned to her trust.... she slammed the lid shut to prevent further damage, but only one thing remained in the box: HOPE. However, if you read and mark the story well, it relates how the box contained ALL the furies, evils and ills of the world - not ALL the furies, evils and ills of the world except one.... so 'Hope is just as much a negative as the rest of them. This is why the word 'hope' is so often preceded by the word 'false'..... 1
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