Mandos Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 (edited) So I am having one of my weak moments over two weeks after my girlfriend broke up with me and I decided to write here and make myself feel a little better by sharing what I have been experiencing since then. We are both 20 y.o. Our relationship lasted for almost three years and she was my first great love and so was I to her. We loved each other so much, always had so many things to talk about, and overally had very much in common. You could say we were a "perfect couple". I would have taken a bullet for her. We never had to argue (there were some meaningless exceptions) since everything was ideal. I was really persuaded our relationship was going to last for long long years and decades. Now its all gone. It all began by the end of this summer. We started a band with our two friends in may. She was the singer and i switched guitar for bass, because there was need for bass player. In july we started rehearsing almost every day and in addition she began to have extra rehearsals only with the guitarist. She said many times how she was taking the band seriously so I decided not to restrain her. I started to get jealous when she ceased to tell me when they had rehearsed together. Although I believed her, I was wondering what meant. When I asked her, I was told that it´s a nonsense, that she has no feelings for him, just want to practice hard. She had my trust. The first problem came in late september. One day she said we should have a pause in our relationship and that we are too attached to each other and she is "scared of it". I asked if there was someone else. She swore there wasn't. The same evening she phoned me crying and apologizing, blaming herself etc. and she came back. I was worried since then but it seemed to me that things were getting in order again. She was also having some problems at school, didn't know whether to leave university or to stay, so I said to myself she was just going through some confused stage of her life. The end came when we went on holiday to Rome for few days. I felt happy because it seemed to me that it was like just the "old times", we really had a great time. Until the last evening...She just suddenly burst into tears and told me that she want to break up with me, "loves me but isn't in love with me anymore"... No words can describe how I was feeling. I felt so desperate, sad, miserable and...deceived - she never told me of any reason of our BU. I asked her many times...she just said she didn't know and repeated that I didn't do anything wrong, all was her fault. I should just remark that she left me in the worst time she could because at the same time my parents were divorcing and I was depressed because of it, and she knew it. I spent many nights in tears and days just staring into emptyness. I couldn't understand. There was no logical justification of the BU. I met her few times after our BU. Last time it was a week after the BU, when she told me there actually is one reason...that she fell in love with someone else. Guess who? Of course the guitarist. She added that she didn't realize it until she broke up with me. I just couldn't believe my ears. Seriously WTF? It couldn't have got worse from that point. They started to date just few days after our BU. I called him - no answer. I was not prepared for such a treachery. I couldnt eat, sleep, nothing. I left the band immediately, blocked them both on phone and FB, and am on NC since then. Just trying to heal right now. It hurts very badly. I dream of her very often. She just completely changed over the last two or three months. I don't recognize her. Is it possible she is experiencing GIGS? I read a thread on GIGS here at LS and I found out it fitted pretty much. Out of the blue she wanted to change her life, university, she started to smoke pot very often etc...As for her new boyfriend I hate him so much. He behaves like a friend to me one day and the next he is hanging out with my ex. I don't know why but I blame him thousand times more than her. To be honest I think there is a big mess in her head and he used it... Anyway I am trying to move on. It's hard. It hurts. Luckily there are my friends to help me and my hobbies to occupy me. The worst is over, now I just feel sad and hateful. I don't know why, but I also feel sorry for her, because she just left our great 3 year relationship for a jerk like him. However this is still better than cheating which would surely be the result if she didn't break up with me. One thing I believe is that she never lied to me in such matters. Or at least I hope... Thank you for reading my story. Sorry for the mistakes, I am not a native speaker. I just want your opinion if she is such a b**ch or just going through GIGS or anything else. I guess I should stick to NC as long as possible and delete her from my life. I hate the fact that I still would like her to come back despite all she did to me. :/ Edited November 20, 2012 by Mandos
Mer91 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 As someone who is going through a similar situation. I can honestly say, remember the good times yes, you experienced something special with this girl but you grew apart. Your trying to find any reason at all for the BU i was going through the same thing. The best thing you can do is set small goals for yourself. Things you used to do before you got together, things that wont remind you of her. Improve yourself, work out more, keep up your appearance, do better in school. But make sure your doing it for you not for revenge or winning her back. Also these things will make you more attractive to the ladies when you do move on and get yourself back out there. It is tough, but the best option is to go NC for a few months. And the best advice i was given. "You never lose your feelings you just learn to not let them control you." We are at that age where we are handed the keys to our lives. Mos relationships end between 18 and 23. But heartbreak is part of growing. You will find that the relationship changed you. Take the good things and leave out the bad. Good luck man dont give in and stick with your friends, dont just hop into a relationship for rebounding, makes a mess. PS. I find it hilarious that the steryotype that straightmen dont have feelings is still thrown around. Sorry if its written odd. just got off a 10 hour shift, and gotta go in at 2 on turkey day. #****retail
Author Mandos Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 As someone who is going through a similar situation. I can honestly say, remember the good times yes, you experienced something special with this girl but you grew apart. Your trying to find any reason at all for the BU i was going through the same thing. The best thing you can do is set small goals for yourself. Things you used to do before you got together, things that wont remind you of her. Improve yourself, work out more, keep up your appearance, do better in school. But make sure your doing it for you not for revenge or winning her back. Also these things will make you more attractive to the ladies when you do move on and get yourself back out there. It is tough, but the best option is to go NC for a few months. And the best advice i was given. "You never lose your feelings you just learn to not let them control you." We are at that age where we are handed the keys to our lives. Mos relationships end between 18 and 23. But heartbreak is part of growing. You will find that the relationship changed you. Take the good things and leave out the bad. Good luck man dont give in and stick with your friends, dont just hop into a relationship for rebounding, makes a mess. PS. I find it hilarious that the steryotype that straightmen dont have feelings is still thrown around. Sorry if its written odd. just got off a 10 hour shift, and gotta go in at 2 on turkey day. #****retail Thank you for those words and for reading my long post after your deadly shift. I do what I can to keep myself busy, spend lots of time with my friends and try not to think of her. What I really find "funny" is how my ex started a new relationship just few days after our BU and with someone who is I would say complete opposite of me.
LostOne1 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 what does GIGS mean? grass is green syndrome? Basically another way of saying that you have something good, but want to see and test the other side to see if something better comes up. Usually I'd say it's a way to realize you have something good and got greedy looking for something better or wanting more than you need. What I really find "funny" is how my ex started a new relationship just few days after our BU and with someone who is I would say complete opposite of me. I know what you mean.. I think my ex went out with someone, who is not the type of guy she would ever date. I guess it just shows how after a BU or at a time when your angry or sad you just don't think properly. Which is why rebounds usually never work out, because you just aren't thinking properly about choosing a new person to involve in a new relationship.
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