I'm having a hard time trying to get over a LDR I had with an American woman.

[sonikku]

Hi all

I had a LDR with an American woman (I'm Australian btw) about nearly 4 years ago, and we had already known each other for 3 years before it all started (We started off as penfriends). We ended up breaking up about a year ago. I told her that I had a gutful of the relationship because I felt that I was being used and she didn't care about me anymore. She was married and she led me to believe that she wanted to kick her husband out and spend the rest of her life with me. I really felt stupid and made the mistake of playing along. She was telling me how she was having feuds with her husband and I cared for her, trying to help her though the rough patches, and along the way, we fell in love with each other. We sent each other gifts, emails, and even got as far as phone calls at least once a week. I loved her with all my heart and I wanted to save myself for her. Later on, I offered to get her a plane ticket to Australia and she said that she can see if she could take time off work in the middle of that year. When time got closer, she claimed that she couldn't take time off. Ever since I went on holidays early last year, the whole relationship started to crumble.

 

Phone calls started to dwindle, then it became email only. I actually was send home from work because the boss noticed me trying hard not to cry during a meeting. One time I asked her if she could call me and the next email, she COMPLETELY AVOIDED the subject. I got really angry and wrote a "Dear Jane" letter, but I had a hard time clicking the "Send" button but I managed to do it after a month of not speaking to each other. I got a reply the next day, saying that she already decided she didn't want me in her life.

 

Now fast forward to today, I still can't get over her and I want to move on. I still cry some nights and I still think about her, despite we haven't spoken to each other for a year. My feelings alternate between anger and wanting vengance, to being sad and missing her.

 

Is there anything I can to do and try and move forward and hopefully find the right girl, who loves me for who I am, and not use me as an escape from reality?

 

Thanks a lot in advance

[SoleMate]

You're not the first person to fall in love with an Internet/phone friend. It's easy to do. The sad thing is that often, there is one sincere faithful person and one lying, weak-minded, deluded and uncaring person on the other end. You know only what she told you.

 

I recommend cognitive therapy, which is something you can do yourself through books such as The Feeling Good Handbook to correct the painful feelings you are having. Next time, only get involved with people on the same major landmass as you. My 2c.