Broke NC, Bad.

[mishy]

I broke NC at 13 days.

 

. It was breadcrumbs texting, i tried so hard not to and then i did it, i couldnt control myself.

 

there is no hope for me.

 

He has the girlfriend still, and i stupidly begged and pleaded:(

 

And for what? He said he is coming over next week to see me and "talk about it" .He is coming over and he refuses to tell me how he feels via text, and said "no i will tell you" (when he sees me)

 

That sounds like its going to be a really bad talk.

 

Please dont say anything horrible to me, i am already beating myself up enough. I feel like throwing my phone away and disappearing

Edited October 28, 2012 by mishy

[ReadMyThread]

I broke NC at 13 days.

 

. It was breadcrumbs texting, i tried so hard not to and then i did it, i couldnt control myself.

 

there is no hope for me.

 

He said he is coming over next week to see me and "talk about it" He has the girlfriend still, and i stupidly begged and pleaded:(

 

And for what? He is coming over and he refuses to tell me how he feels, and said "no i will tell you" (when he sees me)

 

That sounds like its going to be a really bad talk.

 

Please dont say anything horrible to me, i am already beating myself up enough. I feel liek throwing my phone away and disappearing

 

Please don't let this dude come over next week. Please! He dumped you therefore why does he get to even see you anymore? Your better than this. He gave up on you. Your the stronger person. Do not let him come over. It will make him think about you more but if you let h come over all your doing is setting you up for more pain. Trust me. Just stop talking to him. And don't let him come over.

[mishy]

Please don't let this dude come over next week. Please! He dumped you therefore why does he get to even see you anymore? Your better than this. He gave up on you. Your the stronger person. Do not let him come over. It will make him think about you more but if you let h come over all your doing is setting you up for more pain. Trust me. Just stop talking to him. And don't let him come over.

 

I said if you are coming over just to push me away at least tell me now thats whats going to happen. I have asked him via text how he feels as a result of everything i said in my begging and pleading, but he refuses to tell me what he is going to say do when he comes over or how he feels. Just wont reply to me.

 

I can't handle that kind of visit where you dont know what is going to happen, I'll seriously throw up out of stress.

 

Fair enough he wants to face to face end things for good, but at least let me prepare for it

Edited October 28, 2012 by mishy

[mishy]

I think the thing you might want to ask yourself right now is what you hope to accomplish by letting him come over? Why are you doing this to yourself? Obviously this person is causing you a great deal of pain, and you know there's someone else he calls a girlfriend in the picture, so why put yourself in front of the train that's inevitably coming? In the best possible scenario, he will be back to use you in some way (most likely sex). In the worst, you will be further humiliated AND used. Do you need more pain? Why do you have to let him come over?

 

Why can't you take control of this situation? Is there some reason you're not allowed? Who is this man-boy and why does he matter so much?

 

I don't know.

 

I said i wanted to see him and he said ok, and then i went on about things we used to do, with some begging and pleading as to why he chose that girl (whoever she is) and then i asked him how he felt about the things i said and he wouldnt text it, said he would tell me in person. I said if he was coming to just push me away then i wasnt up for that. And he wouldnt tell me either way how he felt., he just wouldnt answer.

 

And so before i knew it i am standing on the proverbial train track waiting for this train thats coming.

[mishy]

Okay, what you need to do right now is step back and let the rational part of you assess and process the situation. I'm not going to tell you how stupid this is, because it's clear you're far too emotional for that to be the problem here. Just stop, take a deep breath, and try to look objectively at what you've lined yourself up for here. He is coming to hurt you. You know this. You have a choice whether or not you let that happen. Don't be a masochist. He's not answering you because he is manipulating you, because he is a bad person. Men are not bad, relationships are not bad. This man is bad and he has warped your ability to make healthy choices for yourself. Don't waste any more time or energy on this. Take some time to figure out why you think anything he's doing to you is tolerable. A man who has no respect for you, like this one, is a man that does not deserve even two seconds of your time. Get off the damned tracks, and take control of your life.

 

all he would say is "i'll talk next week"..

If he is coming over to end things and hurt me, why doesnt he just save himself the effort and just tell me via text?? Why would he even put himself through that let alone me?

 

Why is he manipulating me? for what gain? Its just absolute torture when i ask him what he is going to say/do when he comes over and he will not tell me

 

I feel like running away. I am so beaten down and exhausted. Anybody reading this don't break NC!

 

When i texted quite emphatically how a still wanted him and how upset i was about the girlfriend, he texted "i'll talk next week" I then texted back saying "That sounds really bad. It sounds like you are just coming over to do the face to face rejection arent you? am i right? " and i asked a few times and he refused to tell me anything. Just complete silence.

 

****

Edited October 28, 2012 by mishy

[LostOne1]

all he would say is "i'll talk next week"..

If he is coming over to end things and hurt me, why doesnt he just save himself the effort and just tell me via text?? Why would he even put himself through that let alone me?

 

Why is he manipulating me? for what gain? Its just absolute torture when i ask him what he is going to say/do when he comes over and he will not tell me

 

I feel like running away. I am so beaten down and exhausted. Anybody reading this don't break NC!

 

When i texted quite emphatically how a still wanted him and how upset i was about the girlfriend, he texted "i'll talk next week" I then texted back saying "That sounds really bad. It sounds like you are just coming over to do the face to face rejection arent you? am i right? " and i asked a few times and he refused to tell me anything. Just complete silence.

 

****

I think what you should've said was don't bother texting me next week or ever. And after that stop replying to him and ignore him totally.

 

By what he did and how you replied.. it seems to me like he thinks he has power over you and that you are giving it to him as well.

 

If you make it clear your done with him and he's lost you.. #1 his power over you goes away or at least he will think that. #2 it gives you a chance to accept it all and know if this guy "actually" loves you he will show it by not being an assole.

 

That's what I did.. and I feel better once I told my ex I was done and she shouldn't bother me. Yeah my ex did come back and talk.. but left me a but confused. But I realized why does it matter? I mean I'm looking at each day knowing something bigger and better lies ahead. I jsut have to accept there is something better. And if not.. I'm happy with my OWN self. And knowing I have friends and all.. I feel happy with my self.

 

I DON'T need a girl to justify me or make me feel better about myself. I just need me..

 

And our ex's don't love us fully.. if they did they would fight for us too. My ex has shown she wants to fight for me after she left me. But besides her saying she needs more time and reaching me.. I see nothing else.

 

So just ignore this guy and don't let his words get to you. He's dicking around and your falling into his lame game. Dont fall for it!

[taya]

omg omg omg omg you dident i even send you a meassage today asking how are you why you did it ???? i dont know what to say now just more self respect lost

Edited October 28, 2012 by taya

[LostOne1]

omg omg omg omg you dident i even send you a meassage today asking how are you why you did it ???? i dont know what to say now just more self respect lost

I don't think self respect matters unless your over someone.. I never cared for mines till I was over them.. that's when I realized my self respect matters, and me fighting for someone that doesn't care or want me.. well I wasn't going to fall down on my knees for them.

 

So I can see why she doesn't see it yet. She will with due time.

[mishy]

I think what you should've said was don't bother texting me next week or ever. And after that stop replying to him and ignore him totally.

 

By what he did and how you replied.. it seems to me like he thinks he has power over you and that you are giving it to him as well.

 

If you make it clear your done with him and he's lost you.. #1 his power over you goes away or at least he will think that. #2 it gives you a chance to accept it all and know if this guy "actually" loves you he will show it by not being an assole.

 

That's what I did.. and I feel better once I told my ex I was done and she shouldn't bother me. Yeah my ex did come back and talk.. but left me a but confused. But I realized why does it matter? I mean I'm looking at each day knowing something bigger and better lies ahead. I jsut have to accept there is something better. And if not.. I'm happy with my OWN self. And knowing I have friends and all.. I feel happy with my self.

 

I DON'T need a girl to justify me or make me feel better about myself. I just need me..

 

And our ex's don't love us fully.. if they did they would fight for us too. My ex has shown she wants to fight for me after she left me. But besides her saying she needs more time and reaching me.. I see nothing else.

 

So just ignore this guy and don't let his words get to you. He's dicking around and your falling into his lame game. Dont fall for it!

 

 

i was the one that broke NC though, not him

 

the conversation via text was going ok til i realised that he wasnt going to tell me what his intentions would be when he came over, and by then it was too late to reverse, it got to a point where he just wouldnt reply and tell me.

[mishy]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/352029-5-years-i-am-stupid

 

Need I say more? You know exactly why he is doing this. You are his fallback. You know he doesn't care about you, you are something to do between the women he actually wants to do. He will do just enough to keep you on the line, but no more. The gain? You're not seriously asking are you? What would you tell another poster who was making these comments and asking these questions? I don't want to beat you up but take a look at the comments you've made regarding your own situation and other peoples'. You know exactly what is going on here. You're simply trying to find ways to justify it, excuse it, whatever so you can get one more fix.

 

Do yourself a favour and follow your instincts, run away. You're going to lose, yet again. How many more times do you need to hit yourself over the head?

 

i just want to let him go, i really do, and i was doing so well at NC and that is the danger. You get to a point where you feel good and you think hey i can handle contact then BAM! You can't.

[mishy]

omg omg omg omg you dident i even send you a meassage today asking how are you why you did it ???? i dont know what to say now just more self respect lost

 

thanks taya, i just saw your post on my other thread .

 

I know theres no self respect in this story! I had a weak moment, i thought i could handle contact when i should not have contacted at all

[taya]

I don't think self respect matters unless your over someone.. I never cared for mines till I was over them.. that's when I realized my self respect matters, and me fighting for someone that doesn't care or want me.. well I wasn't going to fall down on my knees for them.

 

So I can see why she doesn't see it yet. She will with due time.

 

yeah you right its so sad tho beacause this guy did her so so so wrong he should be the one running after her not her running after him.. my ex did somthing like this to me last year even tho it was not as bad as this ,,,i stop talking to him and he came running after me texting and calling me and for 1 year i dident answer his call or text and yesterday he beg me to answer his call and i did and he ask me to go out with him to dinner and i tell him NO I WAS DONE WITH HIM SOME THINGS CAN BE FIXS BUT SOME THINGS CANNOT and the true is i dont love him anymore ...so i tell him good bye for good yesterday ...the point is what gos around comes around he came running after me ,,and thats what she should have made happen then he would have known what she is worth:(

Edited October 28, 2012 by taya

[taya]

thanks taya, i just saw your post on my other thread .

 

I know theres no self respect in this story! I had a weak moment, i thought i could handle contact when i should not have contacted at all

 

aww its ok hun you just have to pick your self up now mabe this will help you to move on now..... this guy is no no no no good he has prove it time and time again plz dont let him prove it again:(

[Simon Phoenix]

i just want to let him go, i really do, and i was doing so well at NC and that is the danger. You get to a point where you feel good and you think hey i can handle contact then BAM! You can't.

 

That's why they call it no contact. To be honest, if you are going to institute no contact, you should pull it off until you can't remember off the top of your head how long you've been in no contact. If you can still remember the exact date of your last contact and the details about it, it's too soon to break it.

[mishy]

yeah you right its so sad tho beacause this guy did her so so so wrong he should be the one running after her not her running after him.. my ex did somthing like this to me last year even tho it was not as bad as this ,,,i stop talking to him and he came running after me texting and calling me and for 1 year i dident answer his call or text and yesterday he beg me to answer his call and i did and he ask me to go out with him to dinner and i tell him NO I WAS DONE WITH HIM SOME THINGS CAN BE FIXS BUT SOME THINGS CANNOT and the true is i dont love him anymore ...so i tell him good bye for good yesterday ...the point is what gos around comes around he came running after me ,,and thats what she should have made happen then he would have known what she is worth:(

 

a year, wow , thats good you told him for good yesterday, karma hey, what goes around...

[taya]

a year, wow , thats good you told him for good yesterday, karma hey, what goes around...

 

yeah he was mad about it but i would never text him again see what he did to me was too low just like you he left me for another girl then came back then again he cheated and lie called me names ..it was too much i dont want someone like that i for give him but i cant forget it ...too much great men are out there why would i settle for less so i tell him all that then say good bye he text me after and say i was rude and plz just one dinner i text back and say what you did to me was rude and to take care ..and that was that and i feel great ...we only have one life we cant live out our life having people walk all over us lifes too short let them go and find someone that you can wake up with in the mornings and think wow am so happy see i wasent all ways this strong and am still not strong as i want to be but am way better then i use to be beacuse i look over my mistakes and try to learn from them i feel amazing now bcause i can lose a guy now and still remain strong and confident and not running them down or beging them now i just let them go ...and its because i have learn from my mistakes in the past..and so can you hun

Edited October 28, 2012 by taya

[mishy]

yeah he was mad about it but i would never text him again see what he did to me was too low just like you he left me for another girl then came back then again he cheated and lie called me names ..it was too much i dont want someone like that i for give him but i cant forget it ...too much great men are out there why would i settle for less so i tell him all that then say good bye he text me after and say i was rude and plz just one dinner i text back and say what you did to me was rude and to take care ..and that was that and i feel great ...we only have one life we cant live out our life having people walk all over us lifes too short let them go and find someone that you can wake up with in the mornings and think wow am so happy see i wasent all ways this strong and am still not strong as i want to be but am way better then i use to be beacuse i look over my mistakes and try to learn from them i feel amazing now bcause i can lose a guy now and still remain strong and confident and not running them down or beging them now i just let them go ...and its because i have learn from my mistakes in the past..and so can you hun

 

its too many mindgames and takes so much energy trying to work itall out. It should be simple, not painful and horrible and hard. Well not all the time anyway. I am going to have a more of a read of your threads Taya to see what went on. Thanks for being here for me

[ladyabstrused]

mishy, save yourself the heartache and pain. Why put yourself through this? You may not feel like you've got the power to put an end to things now for real but hey, it always has to start somewhere.

 

I was in a close to 5-year long relationship, it was a horribly abusive relationship but I was still trying to salvage it but people thought I was nuts wanting to save an abusive relationship. I didn't feel like I had the power to end things and take control and make myself happy. Which I eventually did. I'm in such a better place now, keeping strict NC. It took me about a month to keep strict NC with my ex. Before that I had temptations to break NC and did several times but eventually stopped cos each time I broke NC, I got hurt.

 

In your case, what is there to achieve with this guy anymore? He's with someone else. You said you want to let it go. Let it go. Be strong, you've got us here to support you.

[taya]

its too many mindgames and takes so much energy trying to work itall out. It should be simple, not painful and horrible and hard. Well not all the time anyway. I am going to have a more of a read of your threads Taya to see what went on. Thanks for being here for me

 

i dident write about him on here tho beacuse i dont like him anymore so i dident see the point ..i got in to something eles thats what i write about but even that i let that go so am moving on lol

[taya]

its too many mindgames and takes so much energy trying to work itall out. It should be simple, not painful and horrible and hard. Well not all the time anyway. I am going to have a more of a read of your threads Taya to see what went on. Thanks for being here for me

 

 

so are you still going to let his ass come over and talk that bull **** lol?

[Sugarkane]

Ask yourself how many more years are you willing to waste? NC hurts bad to start off, but trust me it does it easier.

[Own Worst Enemy]

He has no intention of coming over and talking to you. He is happy (or as happy as this waste of self-absorbed skin gets), and looking forward, not backward. I think he might have said it to stop the texts.

 

My first ever bf did this to me. The night it ended, he said he was v sorry and tired, and we would speak properly the next day. Guess what - we never ever did. And when I saw him for what turned out to be the last time a couple of days later, I was on tenterhooks waiting for him to raise it all night. Eventually when he didn't, I said something like, "I'm sorry about the other night," waiting for him to start the chat. Instead, he said...

 

... "don't worry about it. Thanks for the lift." And he left.

 

The best thing you can do is to block his number. No good can come of this. It's a bump and a setback but it's only the end of the world if you let it be.

 

X

[mishy]

Okay, what you need to do right now is step back and let the rational part of you assess and process the situation. I'm not going to tell you how stupid this is, because it's clear you're far too emotional for that to be the problem here. Just stop, take a deep breath, and try to look objectively at what you've lined yourself up for here. He is coming to hurt you. You know this. You have a choice whether or not you let that happen. Don't be a masochist. He's not answering you because he is manipulating you, because he is a bad person. Men are not bad, relationships are not bad. This man is bad and he has warped your ability to make healthy choices for yourself. Don't waste any more time or energy on this. Take some time to figure out why you think anything he's doing to you is tolerable. A man who has no respect for you, like this one, is a man that does not deserve even two seconds of your time. Get off the damned tracks, and take control of your life.

 

ive been thinking about what you say here, and trying to take a breath and look at it objectively, he is emotionally abusing me, and im not gaining anything out of being in contact, only he is.

 

You know what i really believe? I believe you when you say he is a bad man, even just my communication with him in the past 2 days (couple of other things i havent even mentioned).

 

And i really dont believe that a person just is nice to one person and evil to another, i think its bullsh@!# that any girl would go out with him or be his girlfriend, theres no way, because the red flags i saw in the first week or so of knowing him, well they are still there now and he only got worse. They are things most girls would run a mile from. Who would have him? and in such close range? Its total craparola!! No wonder his wife ran off!

 

I think he has a serious personaity/ socialisation defect. I think after 5 years i am qualified to be fairly certain of this!

 

 

end rant

[Calico]

And i really dont believe that a person just is nice to one person and evil to another, i think its bullsh@!# that any girl would go out with him or be his girlfriend

 

Actually, true colors often only show after some time. New people, new situations, new challenges can all lead to temporarily altered behavior. People, if they want to impress and conquer a possible love interest, can be astonishingly different from how they usually act and behave (especially if they don't "have" the new person yet).

 

Some of the biggest jerks can be the most charming gentlemen/ladies, until they get what they want.

[mishy]

Actually, true colors often only show after some time. New people, new situations, new challenges can all lead to temporarily altered behavior. People, if they want to impress and conquer a possible love interest, can be astonishingly different from how they usually act and behave (especially if they don't "have" the new person yet).

 

Some of the biggest jerks can be the most charming gentlemen/ladies, until they get what they want.

 

he was realllllly nice when we first met, and the red flags i saw were things that grew, it was actually pretty gradual until the end when just his tone of voice with me was horrible.