mammasita Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 My son is with his dad this weekend and I am a mess. I don't want to do anything, I'm still in my PJs. I feel so lost and lonely. On Thursday I let my ex know that his wishy washy behavior was not ok. I told him he had 2 weeks to try to figure things out and I was gonna go on dates with other guys (not 100% true because I can't even think about another man right now). He said he didn't like that idea but understood why and that he didn't want to see anyone else even if I did. This is hard. I hope he gets his head out of his ass. I want to contact him but I know it defeats the whole purpose of whatever it is I'm trying to do.
River Rain Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Sorry you're going through that...I don't have any advice really, but I do think you're being very strong about your convictions.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 My son is with his dad this weekend and I am a mess. I don't want to do anything, I'm still in my PJs. I feel so lost and lonely. On Thursday I let my ex know that his wishy washy behavior was not ok. I told him he had 2 weeks to try to figure things out and I was gonna go on dates with other guys (not 100% true because I can't even think about another man right now). He said he didn't like that idea but understood why and that he didn't want to see anyone else even if I did. This is hard. I hope he gets his head out of his ass. I want to contact him but I know it defeats the whole purpose of whatever it is I'm trying to do. You need to get up and get out of the house!! Right NOW!! Sitting at home wallowing will do you no good, go get some ice cream, go to the gym, go for a walk. You'll see you'll feel a little better. There are 2 reasons he is being wishy washy. 1.) He is doubting/having second thoughts about your future together. 2.) He is interested in other prospects or potential prospects. (Please men, tell me if I'm wrong) I would never be wishy washy with the mother of my kids and the person I loved and wanted to be with unless I was doubting or interested in something else. You need to make a stand, I would sit down and talk to him, set aside a large block of time to really hammer into the problems. You need to get to the bottom of this for your sanity. If he is truly having doubts giving him ultimatums will only keep him around for a short while. Please read the following thread, it will be clearer. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/258925-me
Author mammasita Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 Clarification: he is not the father of my son. I believe 100% hes doubting and having second thoughts. My goal with the two weeks was not an ultimatum, although i see that it does seem like that. It was more to give him space to think about what he wanted without me discussing feelings every time we spoke. He didn't want to take this time off but I insisted (and feel like crap). I'm trying to get myself up and out of the house. Since I posted, I've showered and gotten dressed. Trying to get there.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Clarification: he is not the father of my son. I believe 100% hes doubting and having second thoughts. My goal with the two weeks was not an ultimatum, although i see that it does seem like that. It was more to give him space to think about what he wanted without me discussing feelings every time we spoke. He didn't want to take this time off but I insisted (and feel like crap). I'm trying to get myself up and out of the house. Since I posted, I've showered and gotten dressed. Trying to get there. Did you read the "for me" thread? Let that give you some power. I read it almost daily. You know this but you're going down a road in which you have very little control. I believe in free will, they want to leave, then go. Only allow him in your life if he unequivocally wants to be with you. I know it hurts but try to keep the mindset "I don't want you if you don't want me!"
Author mammasita Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Did you read the "for me" thread? Let that give you some power. I read it almost daily. You know this but you're going down a road in which you have very little control. I believe in free will, they want to leave, then go. Only allow him in your life if he unequivocally wants to be with you. I know it hurts but try to keep the mindset "I don't want you if you don't want me!" Yes I've read it, multiple times since you posted. It definitely hurts but everything that post states, it's true. i know that i need to get myself together and get out of the house but i know that i will spontaneously start crying. I have to hold back tears when someone asks me "is everything ok?". This two week break is for me too. As much as I hate it and am struggling, I need to sort out my feelings and get my emotions under control. I'm hoping it makes me stronger, strong enough to tell him "I don't want you if you don't want me" and stick to it without looking back.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yes I've read it, multiple times since you posted. It definitely hurts but everything that post states, it's true. i know that i need to get myself together and get out of the house but i know that i will spontaneously start crying. I have to hold back tears when someone asks me "is everything ok?". This two week break is for me too. As much as I hate it and am struggling, I need to sort out my feelings and get my emotions under control. I'm hoping it makes me stronger, strong enough to tell him "I don't want you if you don't want me" and stick to it without looking back. You don't need to tell him this, just believe it. If he no longer wants to be with you then you just say "ok". Then give him all the space he wants/needs. Either he comes back under his own free will or he doesn't, either way you can't know/control his thoughts. Just remember, begging, pleading, reasoning will get you nowhere. Not saying you're doing/will do it, just that it's better to let go.
Author mammasita Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You don't need to tell him this, just believe it. If he no longer wants to be with you then you just say "ok". Then give him all the space he wants/needs. Either he comes back under his own free will or he doesn't, either way you can't know/control his thoughts. Just remember, begging, pleading, reasoning will get you nowhere. Not saying you're doing/will do it, just that it's better to let go. You're absolutely right, that’s the same advice I would give someone. I just need to work on applying this to me and believing it.
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