Break up text?

[Beachg]

Not the first time i've posted about the same problem.

I'm basically in a long distance relationship with a guy - we knew each other previously for years.

However i've had this feeling for months now that things aren't right. Brought up the issue with him, he's denied anything.

The other weekend i sent him an email (he dislikes confrontation and critisicm, so no use mentioning anything like this on skype or he'd ignore me), outlining all my concerns, including asking him if he was seeing another girl which would account for me perceiving him as becoming more distant, and basically breaking up with him as i felt it was what he wanted as it feels like he isn't that into me anymore He denied having anyone else in a one sentence message. However he ignored the majority of my other concerns, and gaslighted a few others by pointing the finger at me.

We ended up putting those few days behind us.

Things kind of improved for a day or so, with him saying things that indicated he saw a future for us. Asking me to move to where he lives and have babies... However the last few days, he has become quieter than ever.

Again i am sick of asking him if he wants out of the relationship. He denies he does, yet the signs seem to suggest he does. But why deny if he wants out, i've given him chance galore to break up if he wanted?

 

I'm going through a hard time and am usually very happy and positive and rarely need him for support. I've always been there for him through his down times, yet now i need him i feel he's not there. Yesterday he even poked fun at my email, saying he may need to write one and was quite nasty, even though he knew i was low.

 

Although he may not be seeing another person, i still think he's sniffing around. He has a female friend who i know about, although not directly from him. He's mentioned her once to me, failing to mention her gender. He's off on a break with a few people, including her next month, to go to her home country and visit her female friends. He's told me it's to meet his brother and some friends there. I'm not sure why he can't be honest as i'm not sure how 'close' they are, or if he's happy having her as a friend and to meet women through her. Arrrrghhh. I sound so messed up. I'm not usually. I even told him this in my email and that i have never been in such a confusing relationship before.

 

I should be seeing him next at christmas. So i guess i can carry on feeling unsure about his intentions and honesty until then, or break up (again) with valid reasons and go no contact. I just don't know if its the distance making me insecure, or my gut instinct, as when he denies anything i think its all been down to the distance.

Today i've not heard from him at all which is unusual. Unless he's doing a houdini.

I'm so tempted to just msg him. Cowardly, but he's shown little respect for my feelings in a long time.

Is this too harsh?

I think you're more suited to the single life. Good luck and enjoy your partying. I want more from life now, and am ready to grow up and have a family of my own. Whereas i think you still think you're 23 and not in your thirties.

[Calico]

What a peculiar relationship. He is unwilling to discuss problems even on skype/the phone and will ignore you if you try, so you have to write emails to address concerns, and then you want to break up in a two lines text message.

 

What's up with people today?

 

I can't tell you whether or not you should break up with him, but if you stay together, then you two need to learn to communicate in a normal, human, personal fashion. If you can't communicate properly, a relationship will never work (if you lived together and there are problems, would you have to use sticky notes on the fridge to bring them up?).

 

If you do break up, call him and tell him. It won't matter if he ignores you after.

[gullibleme]

I think all your concerns are justified...he sounds alot like my Ex, avoiding confrontation, ignoring you, hating criticism, being distance. All these things were happening in our relationship and I began walking on eggshells just to avoid doing anything wrong. It sucks!!

 

You need to go with what your gut is telling you. Eventually what was happening in my relationship is he was sniffing around and his guilt was making him go silent and turn everything around on me and avoiding the questions I asked also. He was texting with a girl "just a friend" so he says...when I told him I wasn't comfortable with that he made it all out to be me....Communication is essential in a relationship...you can see he doesn't do that...do you want that in a partner? I finally freed myself from my ex by realizing he wasn't the man for me. I loved him but knew I wanted so much more from a relationship than he could give....good luck and really follow your insticts.

[NoMoreJerks]

What a peculiar relationship. He is unwilling to discuss problems even on skype/the phone and will ignore you if you try, so you have to write emails to address concerns, and then you want to break up in a two lines text message.

My ex was like this. Well, I never did the email thing, and did force him into talking about some of it on skype, but he was so uneasy about it, and broke up with me over text a few days later.

 

 

What's up with people today?

Wanting to have their cake and eat it too. Don't want a relationship/commitment, want the sex, so want to hide their intentions , but can only do so up to a certain point, after which their partner will realize things aren't right, and raise concerns... and then the only thing that's left to do is... dump , and do so via text because they don't have the balls to face up to their lies, mind games, etc. My ex made the same excuses -- he claimed he disliked "confrontation" and "arguments", and used that as a way of shutting me up every time I tried to defend myself against his accusations, or expressed some concerns about his behaviour.

[NoMoreJerks]

I think all your concerns are justified...he sounds alot like my Ex, avoiding confrontation, ignoring you, hating criticism, being distance. All these things were happening in our relationship and I began walking on eggshells just to avoid doing anything wrong. It sucks!!

Exactly. Reminds me of my ex. I was walking on eggshells , for fear of doing or saying anything that might upset him. If I did upset him, it would be so one-sided because every time I opened my mouth to defend myself, he would shut me up by saying he didn't want confrontation/argument. It was pure and simple blackmail.

[NoMoreJerks]

I'm basically in a long distance relationship with a guy - we knew each other previously for years..

Right, I don't know all the details of this 'relationship', but I think you should stop looking at this as a "relationship", and look at it more as being in some sort of a FWB arrangement (unless I'm wrong and you've never had sex ; although, come to think of it, could be that the "benefit" isn't sex, but having someone to entertain him / keep his company every so often whenever he feels bored ). My guess is (based on a similar experience with my ex): He's just using you as someone to hang out with / socialize / have sex , but not commit to / spend quality time with / share concerns with, etc. He probably wants the fun, but not the responsibilities, etc. He also wants you as an option, not really interested in a relationship. Probably not even attracted to you physically, but you're good enough as a sex toy "for now." Until he finds someone "better" (better in his mind). My ex was like this. From what you have said, there are so many things in common. I wouldn't be surprised if this person is in the same "mindset" as my ex.

 

I'd dump his lazy ass, and do so over text. Probably doesn't deserve better than that, to be honest. Just like my ex.

Edited October 19, 2012 by NoMoreJerks