Seems promising?

[AbigailArcane]

I posted here for the first time about a week ago. A week ago my boyfriend of over three years told me he wanted to take a break from our relationship. I can't say I was shocked, because about two months earlier, he said the same thing, to which I agreed with. This past summer was not our best. It felt like we were going through the motions and I was not happy either. But when that happened two months ago, within days he told me he loved me and made a mistake. We both agreed we needed to both appreciate each other more and communicate better -- if something was bothering one of us to be upfront and not things fester. I thought this was a good thing because when he suggested this first break it made me realize how much I love him and that I hadn't always been appreciative of our relationship. When we first got together he adored me and was so good to me and that continued through most of our relationship until the last six months or so. I am not always one to express my feelings due to past relationships, let's just say I've never been with someone who has loved me the way he has. Early on he asked if I wanted to move in, gave me a key, did everything he could to show commitment. Always referring to "us" and a future. It's not that I didn't want all of this but my life is crazy right now -- I work and attend nursing school full time. I'll be done in April. I have been living with him when time allows. I told him I didn't want to consider marriage until school was done. Anyway, I think what happened is he got tired of showing so much love and commitment to someone stressed to the max in nursing school and not getting back what he was giving. So since that first break and reconciliation a month ago I was more expressive with feelings and just trying to be as supportive and there as I could be with my erratic schedule. I could feel he still wasn't his old supportive adoring self to me but I figured he was frustrated I couldn't be there much because of school and I figured it would pass.

 

Cut to a week ago when he tells me he needs a break and that he doesn't know what is going on with him. I calmly told him ok, but that I wanted to get my things. I told him that I haven't liked the way things have been, that since that break up two months ago I felt like I was trying but he checked out -- clearer moreso in retrospect. I came and got my things -- I didn't cry, I wasn't mean but couldn't be friendly. Gave him his key. He kept trying to talk but I told him I just had to get my things and go. I didn't want to cry. He tried to hug me but I walked out the door. Sent him a text telling him I wished him and his son well and to take care and to please not respond to the text. He didn't. A couple days later I got some mail for him. I couldn't just mail it to him -- it was in my name too so I texted him just to explain I would send him a check for his portion. That was the only time i contacted him. I was heartbroken but determined to make a clean break. My heart was broken but I didn't want to prolong drama. The next morning I got a lengthy email apologizing saying it wasn't meant to turn out this way. That I'm his best friend and love of his life. He went on about all that he loves about me and that he doesn't know what's going on with him, that it's not fair to me, he just needs time to figure it out. That was a few days ago. Since then we met for lunch, we text and talk. He has told me I complete him. He has been asking me to go to Halloween attractions with him and his son. we agreed with our schedules we can't see each other for a few weeks and agreed this might be good. He went out for a family members birthday then called to say a relative of his i hadn't yet met wants to meet me since we have "been together three years". What I've been doing is trying to respect the fact that no matter how positive these exchanges are I need to give him space so I let him initiate calls texts, etc. my thoughts are if we get back together it better be with both of us on the same page working on a healthy relationship. If we dont I'll move on eventually. I guess I thought when a guy says "I want to take a break" it meant I don't want to be with you anymore. I read somewhere it doesn't always mean the end but that there is still something there and it may be worth saving. I have read about going NC and that was my plan but I'm going with my heart and just not initiating the contact since he was the one that needs space -- any thoughts? I love him but i want to give him space because if I'm not what he wants I deserve better and honestly I would want him to be happy even if it's not with me -- though it would hurt like hell for a long time.

[hopefullove]

Hi I just read your story and I am also going on a break with my boyfriend, except we are still living together in a very small 1 bedroom condo. I feel optimistic about your situation because in my situation, my boyfriend also wants his space, so if I feel optimistic about your situation, i can be optimistic about mine! lol.

 

I mean what is it that you really want? I keep asking myself that lately, what do i really want? Becauase you were saying he was giving you his love and affection and you were holding back because of your schedule? I guess he should be understanding of your schedule, and nurse schedules are always going to be irregular like that? I have that with my boyfriend, he works in the film industry and his hours can be super crazy, sometimes he wakes up at 2AM to start his shift. And it will never change.. Our problems arise due to his schedule as it pertains to sleeping schedule, and if i wake him up etc, its a bad scene. But it just sounds like its the amount of time you have for him??? Anyway, i dont think anything bad is happening in your relationship that's given it enough reason to not work out. You sound very calm, he sounds very calm, its not like you guys have said mean things to each other, his emotions are just tired, and he is withdrawing but still making an effort to keep you in his life. I really dont know how men work. but it seems like they like doing that. I think give him some time... mine has said to me, that it might take a day, a week, or a month, he doesnt know how long it will take him for him to sort things out himself.

 

Im confused, you are calling it a break, but then you say its been a break up 2 months ago? I dont know, im pretty confused in general right now. But I think things should be good for you, but figure out what you want first!

[flitzanu]

what exactly seems promising? he wanted a "break" which means breakup. don't kid yourself that it's not a breakup.

 

"i want a break" = "i'm breaking up with you and want to see other people"