Unbelievable Exit Story

[21flames]

Hi people

 

I have one hell of a story to tell that I'm trying to come to terms with.

 

I was stupid to get into any of this and stay in it for so long and I have not always been a golden boy hence I would appreciate it if you don't tell me this as I know.

 

All I'm trying to get is some understanding of what this women does and why, because for the life of me I can only presume on everything.

 

Right story starts in 2008, met over the net, I new she was in a relationship and should have known a lot better not to get involved but I did.

 

We got to know and flirt with each other over a few months, met and hit it off straight away, we where initially just meeting for sex but as it progressed we had a great connection and wanted more.

 

She made out she would finish with her partner, it was obvious this was not

happening so I started seeing someone else, she asked me to stop and assured me it was over with her ex and to be with her, so I did,

 

A few months after I couldn't get hold of her, so I found her sister on Facebook and realised she had got married to him and was on honeymoon, by this time I was deeply in love with her., goes without saying how I felt over those 3 weeks.

 

She stayed in touch while there, denying it at first then saying she had made a mistake a huge mistake when I told her I had contacted her sister, then when she came back she left him to be with me, I know I know why did I, I can't say, love is blind!

 

Long story short she moved in with me and my folks, after a year we moved out to rent, her family disowned her unsurprisingly but she rebuilt the bridges gradually and I got to know them well.

 

She got divorced in 2010 but during all are time together I couldn't trust a word, who she was texting or on the computer too, where she was going etc and she did some truly bizarre things and made excuses for them yet I stayed with her because I truly loved her and hoped she would change.

 

In November last year I caught her Red handed as I saw her using her old phone, I got hold of it and she had been going on with another guy from at least July, him saying he loved her etc etc.

 

Needless to say we had huge rows and I moved back, she kept in touch but was saying she didn't know what she wanted for a few weeks and i asked her what they had in common as we had a lot, and we realaised they had nothing, so then she is saying it's all been a big mistake it's you I love we have a home together, pets etc and I should move back, so I made lists of how we both needed to change and things we could do together to improve are relationship, my effort and chase again, I must love getting hurt!

 

Forgot to say while she was going with him she arrange a big surprise 30th for me in September and invited all my friends at my families house, I just don't see how she does that, if she really was so unhappy, tell me and split, doing that was giving me the totally opposite signals.

 

I also saw someone briefly during 20011, purely for sex and it really didn't work as I felt a lot of guilt, I didn't go looking for it, she liked me at work and after a lot of thought of how I couldn't trust her or know what she was doing I got involved, I am not trying to justify my cheating just saying how it was.

 

Anyway I can say I tried to change and I did to a certain extent but she didn't try at all, now less than a year later, during August she had been acting strange and one night she made some bull up and stayed out, following weekend I confronted her and we had a huge row and she basically went mad denying any of it and what an ***hole I am and we need to spilt and me move out.

 

We couldn't see eye to eye on anything and I didn't believe her.

 

The first few weeks when I was having to go to get my stuff it was obvious she hadn't been staying there much and texting stopped in the early evening, so we basically had huge rows with her denying it all again and making out I'm mad and cannot accept that all are problems where the reason for are split.

 

I heard she was moving which she denied so I had no contact for a week then the cable provider called by mistake to arrange her home move and she still denied it so I told her about me and the other women cause I wanted her to hurt as bad as I had in the past and was now.

 

We shared a few mushy e mails then I stupidly started texting her mushy stuff about how much I used to cared, loved saw her as etc to which she just gave me a load of abuse about me in the relationship and doing that with the other women, then they stopped and I woke to 3 abusive texts the next morning so I let rip and was as nasty as I possibly could be about how she had treated me etc and what she is like and bad names yet whilst giving her all this she says 'Well I won't forget the time we had together '?????

 

Just can't work this women out, I have since found out as well she still has all are couple and holiday photos on her facebook??????? And her 3 cover photos are of her honeymoon!!! He's remarried.

 

Yes I'm a big mug for getting involved in the first place and going along with

everything and playing myself but It still doesn't make it any easier how she is going on now, especially as she would tell me she had never felt the way she did for me or have the same connection with me as anyone before, even the ex she had been with 11 years and married and left for me.

 

I find that hard to believe considering she has done the same to me by setting up a new life behind my back. One minute It's like she has moved on, next it's not. I can't see how you can move on or grieve for our relationship and get to know yourself and what you want in a period of 6 weeks.

 

I know you will all say 'No Contact'. I only got in touch after fully moving out cause what I was made a where she was moving and I will do that now cause it's driving me crazy!

 

Surely you can understand my need for answers ( which I have reallised I will never get )

 

 

We went though a lot and a lot of **** to be together and I think the hurt is going but I just can't stop thinking about her and things we had and did and wonder if she is thinking the same even when with him, I have not had any work for the last few weeks and this has not helped.

 

From her track record there's no doubt it won't work and she will be at it again and I half expect her to start contacting me, will need some advice off you lot how to deal with it if that happens as I will be tempted to reply still seeking answers and I now she doesn't deserve a second of my time etc, been reading loads on the net.

 

We did have a a lot of problems but I feel she put no effort into us and also leading up to this she gave me no clue it was coming, we went out normal as a couple to family birthday etc.

 

I know we where not married but it looks like an exit affair whether with the same guy from last year ( which she has said I'm mad for thinking that it was a fling ) or someone new, which would have been quick.

 

I could deal with it a lot better if we had split properly with proper closure.

 

Thanks for listening and I realise this is a right messed up one, like 5 years in a Jerry Springer show!

 

Any advice or kind of reasoning for why she does this but also freaky stuff like the 'well I will never forget us' and Facebook photos I would really appreciate It.

[TaraMaiden]

Drop the drama, forget wanting answers, go No Contact.

 

You know all this already. You admit, the whole way through, this was a mad, brainless, senseless episode best consigned to the annals of a dark, deep well and never resurrected.

Basically, the whole thing has been an enormous waste of your time, effort energy and affection.

Learn, move on, and don't look back, not once, not even a mere backward glance.

Or you'll turn into a column of jelly.

[21flames]

Thanks for the reply but that is easier said than done so soon. I'm trying my best

[Lisa_Lisa]

It sucks when someone pulls on your heartstrings. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Some people just love drama. She seems like the type. She might not ever be able to live a nice and cozy life with you because it'll be boring for her. People like her invite lies, deception, wicked adventure, and everything else because they have nothing else going on in their lives. She seems like the type to move from one man to another without ever being alone. She can't be alone because that scares her. And one minute she loves you, but as soon as you give in, she wants to leave you. This kind of relationship will never work out. And she'll keep coming round when she feels she's lost you. She'll always want to have you in her back pocket. Either you can jump right in or you can stay away.

 

NC is the way to go, but you're so shattered right now, if she even looks your way you'll act like a puppy dog. Don't beat yourself up if you do. Everything takes time. You've learned from this. Just don't go for a girl like this ever again.

[21flames]

Thanks bitter sweet.

 

It wasn't me who gave in, I wasn't perfect but gave all I could and did everything nice a girl would want.

 

She was banging on about futures and babies, she dosen't see having a baby is not going to make her life any different or change her cheating. It will make it 10 times worse.

 

I explained that yes I would like a future but the way she has gone on who in there right mind would, if I was in a trusting relationship and she made an effort to resolve are problems and accepted blame then maybe yes.

 

I have been in and out of work but contributed everything I could to compensate while earning, she just through it all back in my face said I'm a dosser, lived off her and promised her a future but we weren't going anywhere.

 

I can't see her pattern changing, hurting men and moving on before even putting a proper end to the relationship she is in.

 

She needs to face up to what she dose and needs help.

 

I feel sorry for the new man, cause he will have already been spun a pack of lies and has all i had to come.

 

She's got the Thrill of the new man, the nice car, job, house but when the thrill of what she thinks is 'love' wheres off in 6 months she will be doing it again.

[Lisa_Lisa]

Exactly. In 6 months time the new guy will be wondering what the heck happened. And yes, cheating and having a child makes things 10 times worse. She's not thinking with her head, just her whims.

 

You're going to be experiencing ups and downs and low's and high's for a while, but always keep in mind that even if she were to come back to her senses and tell you she loves you and promises to put her silly ways behind her, you'll still never truly be able to trust her.

 

Right now you want answers, but she doesn't even know why. She just 'does the things she does.' It's simply because she wanted to. Pretty soon you'll get stronger and the pedestal you've put her on right now will begin to crumble.

[21flames]

I know and if it is the same guy as last year then I doubt she every stopped contact and has strung him alone until now.

 

I already have got stronger the last few weeks and looking at exactly what she's like and did and all the signs where there that this was going to happen but I never entertained them, i won't go into detail just little things.

 

I know I probably still have her on some kind of pedestel because you kind of feel sorry for her and wonder if she needs help and why if you had something so special she couldn't put work in and talk and work through problems, just too much hard work for her I spose, just want's another fairy tale life to move in too until that all *ucks up.

 

I did it with my ex and I know it gets a lot easier