Mike_d Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 a few days ago Gibson suggested a program called 'No More Mr Nice Guy' in a thread I'd posted another book reference in for a guy who was struggling to find his spine. On a whim I found the book and downloaded it, and was floored by what I read. The first chapters read a bit like the Foxworthy bit "You might be a redneck if..." but without all the bullet points - that said, in the first 19 pages I was only able to read 2-3 things that didn't describe me to a T. In a dead sweat, shaking, and anxious, I realized what I've been about for most of my life - I described it as feeling like I was hit by a bus. But there is good news, I've always know that something wasn't wired right in me but have really struggled to find a description that helps me figure out how to identify and then go to work on me. Lol, that problem seems to be over. The last 72 hours have been a bit of an epiphany for me, up till 2-3a reading the program, website (drglover dot com), looking around for similar directions, searching out local groups, etc. I'm hoping that there is finally some hope to resolve the sabotage that I do to myself. Anyhow, I'm ejecting from here for the immed future to go work on me in a much more focused fashion now that I have a solid direction, but not without a big thanks to all of you who post here, both experienced members and all you noobs, being of service along the way helped me keep my feet under me during the most rocky time of my life. Thanks to Gibson for his offhanded suggestion that finally opened the door for me, thanks to you all for letting me join in, for listening to my woes, and to considering my advice, I hope that I've helped some along the way, and I know I pissed a few off as well... job well done lol. Good luck to all, may you find the inner happiness that in the end we all seek m 2
Balzac Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 What a valuable and intimate share. Best of luck to you as your journey of self discovery begins.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I'm a nice guy, I finish last. I'm NOT promoting this book AT ALL!! However I've been reading for 2 days and it has opened my eyes/kicked me in the face. You'll know within 10 pages if you fall into the "nice guy syndrome". Mike thank you for posting this, without this thread I would've never known.
Calico Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Is it the book where in the beginning the guy makes the girl pay for her meal after he took her out and she didn't want to be with him, and then eats two desserts after she storms out of the restaurant and feels liberated by the two ice creams? If so, I only started it a while ago and I thought it was a tad on the macho side. But it may be a different book and I didn't read all of it.
Author Mike_d Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Is it the book where in the beginning the guy makes the girl pay for her meal after he took her out and she didn't want to be with him, and then eats two desserts after she storms out of the restaurant and feels liberated by the two ice creams? If so, I only started it a while ago and I thought it was a tad on the macho side. But it may be a different book and I didn't read all of it. No, diff book. NAT is right, read it and you'll know right away. Every single guy on here needs to read this book, it should be a must read for any guy posting on here - in fact it should be a prerequisite to their first post. Mandatory reading NAT, keep me posted on your progress, hope to see you over on the other site soon.
PlanB123 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 that book is just the tip of the iceberg. rsdnation.com
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 No, diff book. NAT is right, read it and you'll know right away. Every single guy on here needs to read this book, it should be a must read for any guy posting on here - in fact it should be a prerequisite to their first post. Mandatory reading NAT, keep me posted on your progress, hope to see you over on the other site soon. This will take a while, but I've already started to make some baby steps. I'm sure you feel the same but I already feel better in a way, excited about the future and already feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Just realizing how much harder I tried after each failure, and the covert contracts were the big ones, the atomic kicks in the face for me. I'll keep you updated but it might be a while, I know I'm deep in it, I might need to read this book 4x if not more. Now that I know what I am/was, I hate it, and Mike we WILL get past this!!
Tree_Salmon Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I agree with you 100%. The book / program is life changing. Mike and I are not spring chickens either. I am 40 and Mike is in his early 50s. Both of us are VERY successful in all other aspects of our lives. The recommendation doesn't come from some kid who hasn't moved out of his parents basement and only dreamed of being able to date someone. If the guys on here read this book... Almost every one of them would have the answers they seek about their Ex, their situation and how best to proceed. I read this book a year ago. It's all great advice. I already live with these principles. I agree though, most men should read this book.
JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 a few days ago Gibson suggested a program called 'No More Mr Nice Guy' in a thread I'd posted another book reference in for a guy who was struggling to find his spine. On a whim I found the book and downloaded it, and was floored by what I read. The first chapters read a bit like the Foxworthy bit "You might be a redneck if..." but without all the bullet points - that said, in the first 19 pages I was only able to read 2-3 things that didn't describe me to a T. In a dead sweat, shaking, and anxious, I realized what I've been about for most of my life - I described it as feeling like I was hit by a bus. But there is good news, I've always know that something wasn't wired right in me but have really struggled to find a description that helps me figure out how to identify and then go to work on me. Lol, that problem seems to be over. The last 72 hours have been a bit of an epiphany for me, up till 2-3a reading the program, website (drglover dot com), looking around for similar directions, searching out local groups, etc. I'm hoping that there is finally some hope to resolve the sabotage that I do to myself. Anyhow, I'm ejecting from here for the immed future to go work on me in a much more focused fashion now that I have a solid direction, but not without a big thanks to all of you who post here, both experienced members and all you noobs, being of service along the way helped me keep my feet under me during the most rocky time of my life. Thanks to Gibson for his offhanded suggestion that finally opened the door for me, thanks to you all for letting me join in, for listening to my woes, and to considering my advice, I hope that I've helped some along the way, and I know I pissed a few off as well... job well done lol. Good luck to all, may you find the inner happiness that in the end we all seek m I really appreciate you sending me the link for that. It helped me realize that it was not me that caused my last relationship to crumble as quick as it started. I thought I was being too nice and made her lose interest, I blamed myself when the relationship with the girl who I really liked ended, but after reading this, I reflected back to myself and the past events in my failed relationship. It appears that my ex-girlfriend really was just "emotionally unavailable" due to her current "stage" in life, which is just to have fun, do things etc. It made me realize that she did like the idea of a relationship, but what she truly is looking for is just someone she can just go out and have fun with, while I've always got my point across that I do want the same, but I wanted something more at the same time, which is a relationship that will go somewhere, to start building a bond and foundation as two individuals, a relationship that is more than just having fun together and having sex. I wanted to feel that I was in a relationship, something that I hardly felt the whole time I was with her, hence always caused our fights as I always pointed out why she's acting in such manner, most especially her emotional roller coasters if we are in a committed relationship with bf/gf title. This really cleared my head and took my blame away from myself and redirected it to our "incompatibility" and "different stages in life". Thank you very much.
Author Mike_d Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Mike and I are not spring chickens either. I am 40 and Mike is in his early 50s. Both of us are VERY successful in all other aspects of our lives. The recommendation doesn't come from some kid who hasn't moved out of his parents basement and only dreamed of being able to date someone. If the guys on here read this book... Almost every one of them would have the answers they seek about their Ex, their situation and how best to proceed. this is all 100% truth *every*single*guy* who has come here looking for answers - EVERY SINGLE ONE, no exceptions - needs this book. If you are here, and crushed about your failed relationship, you just can't get off the deck, you're emotional to the point of being non functional, if you can't break your self destructive habits that keep you in a cycle of pain, if you can't move on, if you are unable to let go, can't do NC, the idea of being without her is inconceivable - the book holds the answer for why you are here seeking solutions within a problem you can't solve, in fact, ironically, if you try to fix it you'll only make it worse. And how many guys here meet this criteria?? 98%, maybe more?? All?? Yes, I'm taking to you. I don't work for the author, I've never met/corresponded/interacted/signed some sort of deal/etc - I've just read the book. I see in the book the things that got me where I am. To consider being 15-20-30 years old and not knowing the contents and how we've been 'programmed' in a sense for failure - this seems.... shocking somehow. And there is no way out of the mess created for us within our current social lives that we can get to by ourselves. This book is the 2x4 upside the head that we all need To the commenter about RSD, that's putting the cart waaaay in front of the horse. Gotta fix whats going on inside first. And this book has zero to do with pickup/PUA PM me if you want to know more. 1
JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) this is all 100% truth *every*single*guy* who has come here looking for answers - EVERY SINGLE ONE, no exceptions - needs this book. If you are here, and crushed about your failed relationship, you just can't get off the deck, you're emotional to the point of being non functional, if you can't break your self destructive habits that keep you in a cycle of pain, if you can't move on, if you are unable to let go, can't do NC, the idea of being without her is inconceivable - the book holds the answer for why you are here seeking solutions within a problem you can't solve, in fact, ironically, if you try to fix it you'll only make it worse. And how many guys here meet this criteria?? 98%, maybe more?? All?? Yes, I'm taking to you. I don't work for the author, I've never met/corresponded/interacted/signed some sort of deal/etc - I've just read the book. I see in the book the things that got me where I am. To consider being 15-20-30 years old and not knowing the contents and how we've been 'programmed' in a sense for failure - this seems.... shocking somehow. And there is no way out of the mess created for us within our current social lives that we can get to by ourselves. This book is the 2x4 upside the head that we all need To the commenter about RSD, that's putting the cart waaaay in front of the horse. Gotta fix whats going on inside first. And this book has zero to do with pickup/PUA PM me if you want to know more. I strongly agree... I was having a very hard time to move on as I blamed myself for my failed relationship. I was under the impression that I may have been to nice, perhaps I was to an extent. Me : I think we should end this... it's been a roller coaster lately and you're hot and cold. If you really want to be with me, what you feel towards me should be stable, if not, then maybe you just really aren't that into me and there's nothing I can do. Her : I feel that you are so black and white, that it's either a yes or no and don't want a gray shaded area. Just give me time.. I'm interested in you, I want to be with you, I just need to figure it out. *starts crying* Me : I told you what I want and where I am in life right now. I feel like I'm on the edge in this relationship. I'll give this another month and if things don't progress, I think we're better off walking different paths. Her : Why do you have to put a timeline on everything? Just give me time. Stupid me kicks in : Just because I really care for you, I'll give this another shot. *gives her a tight hug* Her : *still crying* I hate it when you're such an @ss.... 4 days later... bam! I got dumped because the "nice guy" in me kicked in.... next time, I'll stick with what I want. This book slapped me awake. Although, it does not really describe me, it described a few parts of the events where my "nice guy" side kicked in that led me to blaming myself for not holding on to my decision. Perhaps it was the sex that always drew me in.... Note : think with upper head next time to kick the "nice guy" personality out. Edited October 9, 2012 by JayL
mtnbiker Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 a few days ago Gibson suggested a program called 'No More Mr Nice Guy' in a thread I'd posted another book reference in for a guy who was struggling to find his spine. Hey that's me, haha. Thanks for helping me at my lowest Mike! Hope you don't completely disappear as I believe you have helped many others back on their feet. Best of luck in whatever you do!
Jack32 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Thanks for sharing the info about this book I will check it out as well. Also glad to hear the OP is doing better!
Author Mike_d Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 sorry where is this book? Link is the original post is to drglover dot com, look in the books section for no more mr nice guy Thx jack32 - it comes and it goes but more better than worse these days
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