SheLeftMe Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Well here it goes... My now ex fiance and I were together for 6 years since we were 17. When we were in high school she would stay at my parents house and we were inseperable. We were going to different colleges whenever we graduated high school. We tryed the long distance thing but it was not working out, so i decided to transfer colleges after my first semester so we could be together. We stayed in the dorms for a year and then we got out own place and had been living with eachother ever since. In june we went on a trip to punta cana, where i proposed to her. She was so excited that she started making scrapbooks for the wedding and what she wanted it to look like etc. Now to the bad stuff... 3 weeks ago we went to a football game and we both got pretty drunk, had a fight about her texting a guy (we had a talk 3 months prior to this happening that i did not like her9 texting this guy). Not that i dont trust her because i trust her with my life, i just didnt like the situation. After the fight, a friend drove me home and when i woke up the next day she wasnt there. She stayed at her friends house that night. When she came home the next night, she was very silent. It was like walking on eggshells. The next day i took flowers to her work to try and apologize, but then when i left, she texted me "the flowers are pretty, but its not going to fix the situation."that night she went out with her friends and didnt come home again. The next day i got home from class and she said she was going to stay at a friends house for a while because she needed some space. I agreed and let her do what she needed to do. After not talking for a couple days, she came to the house asking if we can talk. This is where she laid it on me. She told me she doesnt feel the same about me anymore and that she loves me so much but shes not 100% happy. Of course i cryed and asked what brought this on. She said shes been feeling this way for a while now and that she needs to figure out her life and find out who she is. This was a complete shock to me. She never gave me any signs or anything that she was feeling this way. I was broken. After that, i didnt talk to her for 2 weeks unless she texted me, and i would just give her one word answers because i didnt want to sound too desperate. She would go out and drink every other night, which didnt really bother me because i figured she was just blowing off some steam. She would also come to the house when she knew i wasnt home and pick up more clothes and other things. Tonight she texted me to see if she can come get some of her stuff while im gone (im going out of town for a wedding). I wanted to ask why she was even asking me since shes done it 3 times already, but i didnt. I did the worst thing i could do. I told her i loved her with all my heart and wanted to make her happy for the rest of her life blah blah blah (i know terrible idea). All she did was text me saying "when you get back were going to talk this through, we both need to be happy, i cant help how i feel." So here i am now. Im completely lost. I love this girl with all of my heart and soul ( which is why i proposed to her). I just wish i could know whats going through her head. I dont know what to do. I need help. Is she gone for good? Do i have any chance at all? I dont want to lose this girl, but i feel like i already have. :/
Minka333 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 You should just let her go. When a man or a woman tells you they want out and they are no longer happy, respect their words. You cannot force someone to change their hearts or stay with you. Because if you do so, both of you will only be miserable in the long run. It takes two to tango. If one is missing then there's no dance. If there's no dance then there's nothing. She is actually doing you a favor. Why? because if she is unhappy now how will she even make you happy in the future? I know it sucks and it hurts now..but in time things will progress and heal naturally.
LostOne1 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 You should just let her go. When a man or a woman tells you they want out and they are no longer happy, respect their words. You cannot force someone to change their hearts or stay with you. Because if you do so, both of you will only be miserable in the long run. It takes two to tango. If one is missing then there's no dance. If there's no dance then there's nothing. She is actually doing you a favor. Why? because if she is unhappy now how will she even make you happy in the future? I know it sucks and it hurts now..but in time things will progress and heal naturally. I gotta agree.. with you. Man would it be better to marry someone and then get divorced? or get engaged and then lose them. I'm sure that's an easy question. Now the married life is saved and all that hassle and drama won't take place of divorce and all. Marriages these days sadly come and go... but new people will be found!
Author SheLeftMe Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I just dont understand how she can go from being so loving to just leaving me like that. I do want her to be happy but if we work on things believe that we can be happy with eachother. I know i need to let her go but its just so hard to. Shes been the biggest part of my life for the past 6 years and now theres just a big void that she use to fill.
Sav Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 But you guys have been together since 17. Honestly I would have been bored. Hell the longest relationship I had was 4 years and I was bored the crap outta it. At our age in this era, it's kind of hard to get together at 17 and stay together for life, life is constantly moving too fast and new things always intrigues people
JayL Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 You guys started young, people change. After highschool, new things were introduced to her life in college/university, after college/university, even more things will then be introduced to her life and these things change people. Perhaps, she felt that she hasn't fully explored as she has been with you since she was 17. You're young, you should move on. One day she will figure out what she really wants and if it happens that you're one of the people that she wants in her life, she will come back. If not, then it was never meant to be. Move on. Go with the flow of life.
Dblock10 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I just dont understand how she can go from being so loving to just leaving me like that. I do want her to be happy but if we work on things believe that we can be happy with eachother. I know i need to let her go but its just so hard to. Shes been the biggest part of my life for the past 6 years and now theres just a big void that she use to fill. your young man, try and move on let her go. also women are like a light switch, they can be on and off in an instant. oh and when it's off, they pretty much stay that way.
KatZee Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 She told me she doesnt feel the same about me anymore and that she loves me so much but shes not 100% happy. Of course i cryed and asked what brought this on. She said shes been feeling this way for a while now and that she needs to figure out her life and find out who she is. This was a complete shock to me. She never gave me any signs or anything that she was feeling this way. I was broken. This. Pay attention to this. I guarantee you there is a third party. I'm not saying she has cheated on you, but I guarantee she has her eye on someone, and is wanting to explore. I'd say that 90% of dumpers that use these generic lines, "I need to figure my life out, I don't know who I am, I don't feel the same (but won't give you any solid reason as to WHY)" is only feeding you lines of BS. She knows exactly what's missing. She knows exactly why she doesn't feel the same about you anymore. The only "figuring out" she's going to be doing, is figuring out what this new guy's about. Let her go. Don't use NC as a waiting game. Don't sit around hoping she's going to reach out, and most CERTAINLY do not reach out to her. It's going to suck and I'm sure it's going to suck a lot more in the coming weeks if you start hearing some things that trickle through the grapevine. Block her on FB and cut off all avenues you have so you don't wind up stalking her online, you'll only hurt a million times worse. This time is about YOU now. Focus on YOU. 3
Author SheLeftMe Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks for all the replies guys. I really appriciate it. I guess i just needed some sense knocked into me. Im going to love the girl for the rest of my life, but if were both not happy then its not fair to either of us. My family and even some of her friends keep saying they think she will be back, even though they are probably just trying to cheer me up. I just want to know what my next step is.
Floored Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks for all the replies guys. I really appriciate it. I guess i just needed some sense knocked into me. Im going to love the girl for the rest of my life, but if were both not happy then its not fair to either of us. My family and even some of her friends keep saying they think she will be back, even though they are probably just trying to cheer me up. I just want to know what my next step is. Keep going on with life, the next step is right foot in front of left, then left foot in front of right; essentially, this close to such a painful breakup, the next step is to keep from freezing. It can feel very mechanical in the beginning. What were your work/professional/educational goals? Strive towards them, nothing is too high of a goal now, it's only you you have to worry about. She wasn't happy, she thought she was missing out on something she wanted to try someone new, so she left. It seems like that hasn't quite hit home yet, I suppose you are still in emotional shock over this. There are some articles around here about the Grass is Greener Syndrome, goes by GIGS; they helped me in the beginning stages of my breakup. It won't lessen the pain of what happened, but it will give you some peace in the fact that there would be nothing you could do to change this outcome. You could be a billionaire rocket surgeon curing AIDS in Africa, and she'd still feel the same way. I am wary to say so, but I do think that she will come back; that's a lot of time to spend with someone to just walk away and never look back. However, she won't be in a place to come back until AFTER she's had her heart broken a few times by other men. Until that point, she'll toss you a bone every now and then to keep you in her life, to keep you as a lifeboat option. Don't pick up on these, because you will run into the same problem as before. Focus on you, as everyone is saying, by doing the things you want to do, by trying out new hobbies that you want to try, by continuing on with your professional goals. Share with us here on the bad days, which there will be a lot of, I promise you, but we all come out of it just a little bit wiser. 1
Coyoteloco Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 wow man your situation sounds alot like mine, only that im younger and we got together younger but it was also a 6 year relationship, in my case there was an other man, it sucks, it hurts alot. But probably there were alot of things you didnt see about her because you were so inlove, take a look again at her and see if she really is what you think she is and what you want. She will probably throw you some bones to keep you around, mine does that and it makes you feel as bad as when you first broke up, when you thought u were starting to feel good again she was getting off ur mind and then she sends u an email or calls u crying, dont do stupid mistakes on thinking she is wanting u back unless she says so! most of the time its just bullshi.t, and then she spits in ur face. To feel better go NC, unfriend her on facebook, join a gym, go out with ur friends, try to know as little as possible of her life, that worked for me. I still feel bad, heartbroken and find it hard believeing ill find another girl that i will love so much, but im sure im taking the right road. From your story it seems she is afraid of the comitment, im too young and unexpierenced to give u advice though lol
Chi townD Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Dude, it wouldn't shock me if you find out that she's seeing someone else. Wouldn't shock me in the least. Of course, if you find out that this is the case and you confront her, she'll tell you that nothing happened while you two were together (how convenient) or she'll tell you that you two aren't together anymore and it's none of your business who she see's. just let her go. Box up all of her crap and drop it ALL off somewhere. and move on. Don't give her an excuse to see you anymore.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 your young man, try and move on let her go. also women are like a light switch, they can be on and off in an instant. oh and when it's off, they pretty much stay that way. Yeah, pretty much this. Hardest thing there is is convincing a woman who has turned off to turn back on. I have a hunch that mine has turned off completely. It sucks, but I'd rather have no hope than a glimmer.
ashtree-house Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 You are both young, it is hard to know what you want or know who you are at such a young age. This is why my first break-up happened in college-- I wanted to find myself and be on my own and experience my own life. And I'm sure the tables have turned as my newest ex told me pretty much the same things.. and I'm as devastated as you, but all you can do is respect their decision. And move on..
Author SheLeftMe Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 So what should i do when i see her next? She is still going to have a lot of things at the house when i get back and shes gonna have to pick it up sometime. She also said when i get back were going to talk through this, which i know shes just gonna say the same things. We are also on the same softball team with a lot of our friends and i dont want to quit because it brings me some happiness playing the game. Should i be friendly with her or what should i do?
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