When to fight and when not to fight=lost

[yeahnoiknow]

Hello everyone,

 

Well first time doing something like this, but I think I need advice outside of my regular friend zone.

 

I've been dating a girl for only 3 months, last week we discussed some concerns we had with our relationship. Namely that I haven't taken her around my friends or family and that I seemed to do only the things she wanted to do, she said she felt I was shadowing her. Lo and behold she was totally right. Normally I'm a very outgoing and activity based kind of guy, but I felt her push against a lot of the suggestions I had made for things outside of her regular activities. I made the wrong judgement of coddling her and allowing her to make most of the planning in the relationship. I understand that was a huge mistake as well as the moron I am for going that route. This gave her the impression that I was not challenging her or being a leader, which resulted in her saying she was relieved when I didn't spend the night the day before she left for a two week business trip. That's the back story.

 

Now I understand that 3 months is a drop in the bucket for knowing and growing with someone, but in that time we moved very fast and honestly I didn't mind. Normally I would put the breaks on something like that and possibly walk away if someone was moving that fast, recklessly, but with her it felt right. Now we are finishing the first week of her trip and we have had limited contact, we have only exchanged emails twice, in which we have both stated what we want and my mistake in coddling her, and talked on the phone once basically discussing the same thing. Now she says that because she is out of town with work she has not had time to agonize over this, while I on the other hand am clearly the opposite of stoked.

 

She said she doesn't consider us together, which I knew, but that she doesn't want to loose me because she wants to work on things. She says she doesn't want to do the back and forth thing and she knows it's not fair for me to just wait around. All of this makes sense and giving the chance I would easily start slow and not worry.

 

I guess my problem lies first in wondering if I should totally cut off communication until she gets back? Before this I would receive texts every 5 minutes and don't get me wrong again, I loved it. Now I'm down to only getting a text if I text her and I have kept my texts at maybe 2 a day. I know reading into text dynamics, lame. Will my own lack of communication hamper the situation and possibly show her I don't care? She hasn't said she wants space, but without her effort to communicate I find it hard to talk. Secondly when should you fight for a relationship without seeming weak and easily walked on?

 

Now I'm a man and my instinct is tell her that I do still love her and that we can get past this if we try, as long as I get that chance. I also understand life is made up of moments that can cause someone to loose interest or to see the gesture of no communication as a reason to move on instead of a fear of loosing me. I want to work on things, but it seems like she is saying she doesn't want to loose me, but her actions of limited contact speak otherwise. Am I reading into this too much, should I cut off communicating?

 

I almost feel silly pining away for a girl I've only known for three months when I see on here some people have lost someone they have been with for years, but again we all have our own situations. Thanks for reading my boringly long confusing post.