Why do people leave someone nice and then get with someone not very nice?!

[aliceb1987]

Really baffled by this fact?! Ex broke up with me over 3 weeks ago as we were constantly arguing throughout most of our 2yr relationship (i was heartbroken,but now i am seeing and hearing more and more what he is really like i am able to accept he did me a favour) and less than 2 weeks later got into a relationship with another girl.I am not going to state what all the negatives about her are as do not want to come across as judgemental, but basically she is not a desirable sort of person to be with at all (appears to be everything he always said he didnt like in someone)

I am just be interested to know if anyone has any theories as to why people break up with someone 'nice' and get with someone 'not very nice' i dont know if its just a classic rebound? or maybe because he wants to be able to feel like the 'better' one in the relationship? (his girlfriends before me weren't nice either!) opinions welcomed!

[TaraMaiden]

Well then, ever stop to think that you were the odd-one-out, and he prefers 'not very nice' gals, and you were 'too nice' for him?

[carhill]

One potential is the level of his interest in you or ability for such interest was not there and his behaviors were the result. I've experienced this when used as a placeholder.

 

A 'not so nice' woman may in fact be more equitable/synergistic with his elemental relationship style and/or generate the kind of attraction he needs in the limerence phase.

 

I've found, through trial and error, to place specific and immutable boundaries on my 'niceness' and disconnect those who abrogate them, early and unilaterally. Don't 'give them the benefit of the doubt' once the canary starts choking.

 

Your path will necessarily be unique to you. Hopefully this experience will be beneficial. My sympathies.