Future7 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 My ex texted me tonight asking for me to go to a club with her and her friends. We have been no contact for days. Why would she do this? This also had a role in our break up because she went to this club the same time last week while she was supposed to be sorting out her feelings.... Anyways I'm acutally not to hurt by this. Any thoughts on the reasoning behind it all? I told her no thanks have fun. She then asked when I was moving into school and I just didn't even respond. We dated 2 years.
ellllllarose Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 if you say no, it'll make her mad and wonder why. Just tell her you're busy, sorry not sorry dude. She did this, she doesn't deserve to have you hangout right away. on her terms.
Tree_Salmon Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Standard ex games. It's up to you what you do. But I say "busy, but i appreciate the offer" and leave it at that. Cool and collected.
thecoolkid Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 My ex texted me tonight asking for me to go to a club with her and her friends. We have been no contact for days. Why would she do this? This also had a role in our break up because she went to this club the same time last week while she was supposed to be sorting out her feelings.... Anyways I'm acutally not to hurt by this. Any thoughts on the reasoning behind it all? I told her no thanks have fun. She then asked when I was moving into school and I just didn't even respond. We dated 2 years. Maybe she just wants to talk to you to sort things out... IMO I wouldn't think it would be a good idea to go to a club to talk... This is just a thought,you know your ex better than we do...
veggirl Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 she did it because you didn't respond to her text about your Twitter picture. she is just being jealous now that she thinks you have moved on. It's bulls.hit. If you went and started showing interest in her, she'd be like "oh no I don't want anything from you" again. so don't fall for it. It's just typical want what you can't have, until you have it and then you don't want it again.
Author Future7 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 See I knew she was trying to make me jealous. The worst part is I started to make some great progress in recovery and it kinda set me back. Am I in control or what do you recommend me do. She haven't texted me today.
SpiderxMan Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Curiosity kills the cat. Don't respond back to her, she's lame. You seem like you have a bright future ahead of you, let her become one of those old ass chicks still trying to get into clubs, while you work on your degrees bro.
Author Future7 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 Thank you very much for that support. I do not, do not understand the need for my ex to have attention from other trashy guys at this point. I will never understand why my love was not enough. Praying for her everyday though.
shayla Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Exes have a tendency to want to rattle your cage when they think you have made progress in moving on. They like the attention, the like the adoration, even if they don't like you. Selfishness at it's best.
Author Future7 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 She for sure rattled my cage, whether or not she knows it. She knew I hated her going to the club because of the men there, so in a way she wanted me to know I was going. I think that will be the last time I respond to her texts, because who knows what hidden agenda she may have. Still love her though.
Balzac Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 If you "think" that was your last response, you are on shifting sands. Her contacting you requires NO response. Each time you reinforce her efforts, you guarantee yet another communication from her. Maybe that's your ultimate goal? For your sake I hope not.
Author Future7 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 What do you mean each time I reinforce her efforts? By texting back? My ultimate goal with this girl is when she actually matures and realizes what she had, she will be back. Whether or not I am past that point with her I do not know. But every time I do not respond I feel bad because what if it was me texting her? I would want her to text back.
veggirl Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 What do you mean each time I reinforce her efforts? By texting back? My ultimate goal with this girl is when she actually matures and realizes what she had, she will be back. Whether or not I am past that point with her I do not know. But every time I do not respond I feel bad because what if it was me texting her? I would want her to text back. you would want her to text you back because you want her back. she doesn't want you back. she wants you to text her back because she wants the ego stroke. don't give it to her. you guys want different things. she is using you. she only wants you when she thinks she doesn't have you. if you start responding, she will disappear again, i guarantee it.
Balzac Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Reinforcement is a reward for action. It can be positive or negative. Each time you respond to her it is a reward to her action. It's a chunk of kibble to the rat. Causes the rat to press the lever, again and again to obtain kibble. No kibble, no more tapping the lever.
Author Future7 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 From what I've gathered this just needs good time to blow over. I am finally getting it now. She's been holding me back from moving on by playing these games. I agree with you guys thank you very much. Still accepting it all, has been 8 days since break up but only 2 days since I heard from her. Moving on.......
Balzac Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I'm not usually one to parse words but you seem to genuinely want to move on. It is not "her" preventing your moving in but rather, your continued engagement in her communication game. Does that make sense? You are totally seeing the big picture here. The sooner you drop the pronouns "she" and "her" the easier tour you'll have on the road to accepting your part if the morass. Congrats on being the smart guy who wins the war. 1
Author Future7 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 Honestly this is how I feel. I do love her. I love all the experiences we had. I wish we could be together for many more. But as the cards play this is not the reality. So yes, I honestly do wish to move on to better things, but I can't seem to comprehend never having another shot at the relationship. When we broke up we both agreed that we could very well end up together again. It's just moving through the interim. However I would love to find someone who proves me wrong and wins me over. Just need some more accepting and motivation to keep trying. I want to say @Balzac thank you for all your help these past days. Means a lot to me.
Balzac Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Thanks it's been my pleasure to share. You are feeling the pain of loss of a dream. It's harsh and lonely. You will make it!!
Author Future7 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I will be sure to keep this updated if anything progresses. I would love to have your input as time goes on. Once again means alot.
Author Future7 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Okay so today it has been 3 days since the last time she texted me asking to go to the club with her. TODAY I just got a text from her about 45 mins ago that read "Hey, text me when you can". Now my gut, my head, and my instincts all tell me to ignore this **** completely, but my heart wants to know what she has to say. I am going to try my hardest to ignore and will succeed because I am strong, but why is she doing this to me? What could she want??
Author Future7 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I feel as though I'm about to break no contact I need to hear what she wanted
Recommended Posts