whatdoesntkillyou Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) Hey Loveshackers This is the third thread I have posted about my break-up: things are progressing and I really don’t know what to do next – I feel like things are very dynamic and changeable now, and would love to see your opinion on what I should do next Just a brief background: (There is a very long thread of the full history if you want to read about it Relationship for 4 months. Broke up 5 weeks ago, very limited contact for 4 weeks.He is 22 and I am 25. He wanted to break up for space to work on his issues (without the need to think about how I would feel in whatever he decided to do) and I agreed reluctantly.We broke up for a week in-between a month prior to this.He is planning to go overseas to work in 2013.We had three long-ish (30 min – 1 hour) conversations about ‘light’ topics, including his career aspirations, and other things. These are all on Facebook, he initiated two of them, and these are in order of time. He reassured me very emphatically that he is staying true to the reason why we broke up, and has no interest in dating. This was a few days after (non-intimate or suggestive) photos of me in a party with another ex-lover got posted up on Facebook.But he also quite disingenuously added someone he had hooked up with during our week of break-up, made no mention of it, and was very defensive about it after I pointed the fact out.A few non-intimate photos of me another guy were posted on Facebook. That night he told me he was jealous of the guy and quizzed me persistently until I revealed that I wasn’t in a sexual relationship with the guy. Then he explained that he misses me and hasn’t “moved-on moved on”. But that he is enjoying his space and has been making progress on his issues. I told him I still love him but I need to lock it away and get on with life.He told me where he will be this weekend and asked if I would be around. I told him I’ll see.He told me what he enjoyed while we dated, briefly.He said doesn’t miss sex and then implied that he hasn’t had sex since we broke up.He said he has made many new friends and it is helping him to work on his issues.He complimented strongly about an old photo I was tagged in and used it as a starter for another conversation on Facebook.My question is – does it look like him reacting to a sudden bout of jealousy, or is playing games, wants friendship, or does he genuinely trying to regain some sort of reconciliation? I love him and I welcome genuine reconciliation, but I don’t want to get hurt by false hope or games. And how should I proceed? My options areDecrease the contact and tell him to back offConfront him about his intentionsMaintain the current warming contact and wait for his next moveTry to escalate.What do you guys think? Thanks Edited August 16, 2012 by whatdoesntkillyou Formatting
weallfalldown Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I can't understand why if you want reconciliation, that your knocking around with other guy's and openly displaying it on FB?..........to be quite honest, you've shot yourself in the foot, your problem!.
Author whatdoesntkillyou Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) I didn't mean to - I was tagged in photos on Facebook and it would have looked even more suspicious if I quickly hide them. I have nothing to hide. I was not "knocking around with other guys" in the photos I am not trying to jump into another relationship! One of the photo is me and the other guy COOKING! And the other photos are party polaroids. I was tagged in them, too. Edited August 16, 2012 by whatdoesntkillyou
weallfalldown Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 If the guy's dead set on moving abroad.......then you don't really have a future, call it black and white......but your best off moving on.....unless you want a ridiculously long distance thing?...................you sound very immature in your understanding of what a relationship is about?..
Author whatdoesntkillyou Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Thanks for your opinion. I guess it is difficult to have anything long-distance but he is going away for 12 months max. I accept I haven't had much experience with relationships, but I don't think you can fairly judge my level of maturity.
weallfalldown Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 If you want him back, do what a woman who loves a man should do.... Go and see him, show him that you do....actions my dear actions...... my ex drove 100 miles in tears once to see me and sort things out.... That kina made me think........she does love me.......she's actually made an effort!!!!
confusedx10 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 dont give up if you arent ready. it takes time. you have to figure out what you want. as much as you want to talk to him about how you feel, you need to figure it out on your own. talking to him is letting him go. he is trying to get over you and you are supporting him by listening. Don't respond to him next time. It isnt ignoring him, its making him miss you. It is a little bit of a game but that time will bring you both together or push you further apart
weallfalldown Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Do not.......play games with people's lives!!
Author whatdoesntkillyou Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 No, I don't think I want to play games. Although while I want to share how I feel (because I am not exactly sure how I feel at the moment), I think sharing something confusing would be counterproductive. So I will wait a little bit. Today he chatted to me on FB again. He again brought up going out with one of his friends tomorrow night and wants me to join for part of it - I am undecided - I'd only drop by after another engagement if I go. But is it too soon?? More promising is that he said he really wants to meet up the following weekend. I am, unfortunately quite hectic that week so I promised to reschedule. I think it's not a bad sign. At least we're friendly now?
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