3 weeks since BU and 2 weeks of NC....im stuck in a moment. Lost and in pain

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

i miss him. i miss him beyond anything. As much as i want him back i've gone NC for myself and to give him all the "space and time" he asked for...yet nothing. at home hes all i think about, when the phone rings i assume its him, when i see a text my heart drops but only to find out its not from him. i miss my best friend. when you literally go from spending every day of your life with someone you love so dearly, to being strangers it hurts like crap.

 

Yea, i still cry myself to sleep at times. I choose to sleep to avoid thinking about him, yet i dream about him and when im awake hes constantly on my mind. i have accepted his decision and im living with it. i miss everything about us. i wish he did too, but im sure hes moved on by now. i go to the gym, but even then hes always on my mind. i think about the fun times we used to spend at the gym and when im just out with friends, well...you guessed it right im just not myself.

 

im trying so hard to keep myself busy and to take things one day at a time but my mind keeps playing tricks on me. ugh! if only he felt what i was feeling. IF ONLY he was going through the same exact thing i was...

 

wow the last 3 weeks have taught me a lot about myself and life in general. at times i get upset for begging him and crying the first 3 days but also for initiating NC. the so many MAYBE'S are killing me slowly. well some days im happy with the NC things i have going because it helps at times but other moments like tonight i just wish i could hear his voice

 

the more time flies, the more im scared and the more im lost. I thought i would have stopped crying by now, i thought i would have been some what better BUT NO! the sudden drop of my heart is still there from time to time. No anger yet, just better about things at times. trust me this is not the first time ive been hear broken, but yet i find this to be difficult to handle. Everyone keeps telling me to give it time uhmm yeah if only i could just skip to month 2 already. maybe then things might be differnt. im just wayyyy to hurt right now idk what to do with myself anymore.

 

 

Im sure some of you have been in the same exact spot, what do you think i should do? im just so lost and drowning in pain day after day.

[Brokendude]

Ur not alone were all on the same boat, these r the toughest times ever, ur stronger than u think and will get thru this. Im rooting for u coz i kno how it is to drown in something like this, keep keeping!!! Ur doin a greay job and def stay strong and always value urself

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

thanks Brokendude. its good to know im not the only one feeling this miserable (not that anyone deserves this)

[RogerWallace111]

I feel ya. I've been nc for 1.5 months so I'm getting pretty desensitized but there are still recurring moments when I can't find any hope within myself and am mortified by the thought of having lost her. Christ I loved her. But these dark times in life are simply setting a nice contrast for when things get awesome again. I have serious faith in that. You will feel better before too long. Cry when you need to it'll speed up the process. Hang in there girl.

[Sameold]

As the others have said we are all in the same boat here. I'm 6 weeks post BU now after a very messy BU.

 

I love the girl like she was the only women in the world but my head tells me she ultimately just wasn;t the girl I thought due to the things she did.

You WILL recover but you have to stay in NC and put yourself out there. There are a lot of awesome people in the world and you will find someone else in time. Just remember too that they have lost you just as much as you have lost them. At the moment they will be carrying out the plan of action they had for dealing with this BU. For my ex it was run out, move out, stop contact, move closer to work, start seeing some guy who was paying her attention as things in our relationship got hard. But their plan wont last forever. At the moment they have the power, they make all the decisions to make them "happy". But how long will that last? If your relationship was generally good take solace from knowing that in 6 months time your ex will be thinking and missing you a hell of a lot more......only of course if we can get on with our lifes, get them out of ours (for me blocking on fb etc) and employ NC. Go be a success and be happy, word gets around, always does. Even if they don't come back they realise how badly they ****ed up.

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

If your relationship was generally good take solace from knowing that in 6 months time your ex will be thinking and missing you a hell of a lot more......only of course if we can get on with our lifes, get them out of ours (for me blocking on fb etc) and employ NC. Go be a success and be happy, word gets around, always does. Even if they don't come back they realise how badly they ****ed up.

 

you guys are very right!

 

Sameold : our relationship was beyond good except just for that one fight the night before our break up, which btw we both said we're very sorry for how we handled things and i thought uhm maybe things will get better until the next day he wanted to end things out of the blue. i mean ppl fight/disagree once in a while? everyone tells me no one is gonna treat him like i did. he even said the last time we spoke how no girl will ever treat him and love him like i did (but who knows y he left? maybe another girl?) either way i hope he wakes up in time and realizes what hes lost. And SAMEOLD i hope its like you said maybe someday he will be missing me like he** just as i did when he tossed me for no reason.

[jmjacobs31]

I feel your pain on so much. I am 3 months in to my BU. We were together for 12 years and have lived together for the past 7 years. To go from seeing someone everyday for the past 7 years to not having them in your life at all anymore hurts like hell. Today is actually day 1 of NC for me. We have had to have contact up until today. He doesnt want NC but I do. I know I need it in order to move on. I feel better today then I did the day we broke up but I am still hurting like hell. I wish he wanted me back even though i know we were not good together. I can't wait for the day when I dont think about him 24/7. I wish life had a fast forward button.