Logic & Emotion

[ForwardThinker]

Just over 6 month ago I met someone online. At the time she was traveling. We spent about a month exchanging emails and then met when she returned to the city. It was a strange situation because she was returning to finish her disertation for her Phd. She was moving into an apt because she had lived in Africa for previous 6 months.

 

We hit it off. It wasn't a lust filled relationship but more of an even keeled one. No up & downs. Preggy good relatioship for the most part. We had some inate personality differences and I remeber thinking that the longevity of this wasn't going to be there.

 

Despite feeling this way I proceeded with a relationship. I mean after she finished her Phd she was most likely going to move and thing would have to come to an end.

 

We did a backpacking vacation, dinners, movie nights, started crossfit (different gyms), it ws nice having a girlfriend. Like I said we did have our inate differences though. She never wants kids, see's herself alone and traveling to developing country to continue her research. I guess we are just different people.

 

She excepted a position across the country that was starting in July. A month before she left she tried to end things with me. Saying it is going to end so I see no point. I convinced her that was silly talk. That we enjoy each others company so we should continue until she left but once she leaves we are over.

 

WOW!!! That was really dumb. This next month I got really close and invested a lot of emotion into her. Helping her with a lot of stuff.

 

Bottom line is we had a discussion multiple times and both felt things would end because we are different people and want different things from life.

 

The day before she left we had the biggest argument we ever had. It had to do with future dating. This was our last face-to-face conversation besides some emails & text assisting with some logistics of her getting her household good. (Yeah, I had my company ship them on a pallet from my warehouse to our warehouse near her new city).

 

Then she sends me a text saying:

 

I feel sad about the way things ended. I still can't talk to you yet but hope to be able to at some point. I hope you are doing well.

 

Two days later I see her online dating and my heart drops. I noticed because I went to the site we met on and her previous messages she sent at the beginning of our relationship had a new photo. Obviously I looked. I did send a text. She replied. and we've been in NC since.

 

Logically I know things weren't going to work. I actually new that we didn't have long term potential but we never had any lows. She even said that I was easy to date. So with all this logic why do I feel so empty inside? Why did I look at her profile the first couple days and torture myself.

 

I've been doing many good things to move forward, I've been spending time with family and friends, doing Crossfit a group excersise gym, mountain biking on the weekends, reading & writing about my feelings, getting rid of all possesions, phone numbers, ways of contacting her so in week moments I don't, I've even talked to a counselor(Who said she was very impressed with my thought process, copy strategies etc.)

 

I'm not looking to reconcile this relationship. I want to move on. I want this knot to leave my chest. I want my thoughts back. I want to be able to explore other relationships. I want to be able to go through a good day (I have) and not have it end with dreams and thoughts about her.

 

I guess I want my logic to steer my emotions.

 

Act as if until it is, right?!?!?!

 

[k100danny]

Sorry but there isn't a lot you can do apart from try to keep yourself occupied and it will come with time. I also was in a relationship where she had planned to go travelling and said it was all she ever wanted to do, when i met her she said she didnt want children but this changed and things do change when you meet the right person, you grow and realise what you want.

 

I knew also that the likely hood of us surviving was slim and we of course didnt survive. she wanted to travel and then settle down which is fair enough but That is not how i see my life, I think if im the right person im the right person now not in a few years.

 

It doesnt stop you having hopes and dreams of it working out though so dont be too hard on yourself for feeling this way, we all think things will work out for the best or why would we even bother with the heartache?

[The Tallest One]

I can relate a little myself. My ex dumped me three weeks ago saying that the romance was destroyed due to all the issues we had over last ten months of our fifteen month relationship.

 

She had serious doubts about our future together and whether we were a good fit, and although I was way more hopeful and positive about her and I, I also had some doubts.

 

Even though she wishes me nothing but good things and says I was very important to her, it's pretty obvious that she's moved on. I still have huge heartache from this and it's hard to not think of her throughout the day. It does get easier over time, pretty much have to force myself not to think of her which is not always easy.

 

Keeping busy helps a lot and also reading books and being on sites like this can help you feel like your not the only one grieving a loss.

 

Best we both just take some time for ourselves and get our heads straight before dating again. Cheers!