BrokenAnna Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Hi all, My name is Annabelle and I really need some wise words or have someone to hold my hand and help me work through this.I am literally crying as I type this out and have been having a very hard time pulling myself together. My story... We have been together for 12 years and I have known him for the most part of my life. He is truly the man I am supposed to be spending my life with, but due to my jealous nature and mind games I managed to drove him away I started freaking out when girls would flirt with him at work so one day by mistake I just broke up with him for catching up with his cousin who I misjudged for a girl from his work. I avoided him like the plaque and never gave him a chance to explain himself. I took NC seriously and avoided all his friends and family, had my number changed and moved in with a colleague in which I made the mistake of sleeping with him a month after the breakup hoping it would ease the pain. Moving forward a few months a friend of his told me everything and that he has moved away to start a new life. I ruined the most amazing relationship cause I didn't trust him and was so afraid of someone stealing him away from me. I haven't slept more than 2 hours since the breakup and have stomach ulcers and hair falling out due to all the stress and depression. This was the worst experience in my life as I have known him since I was 13. Please what I can do to win his heart back? I know he will be back in town next week Wednesday for his birthday, what can I do?
YellowShark Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 You don't win his heart back. You dumped him and "avoided him like the plague," without allowing him to explain that it was his cousin. He was probably really hurt by that... and sounds like he has decided to move on with his life without you. Consider this a life lesson. You need to find out why you play mind games and have such jealousy issues.. then find better - more constructive - ways to deal with those issues. Good luck. 1
Author BrokenAnna Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 You don't win his heart back. You dumped him and "avoided him like the plague," without allowing him to explain that it was his cousin. He was probably really hurt by that... and sounds like he has decided to move on with his life without you. Consider this a life lesson. You need to find out why you play mind games and have such jealousy issues.. then find better - more constructive - ways to deal with those issues. Good luck. - Thank you I appreciate your comment - I know I have issues that I need to deal with, but in retrospect he was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I should have known better than using mind games and guilt trips to keep him around. However I didn't expect the break up to be permanent and have hoped that he would come crawling back. If I confront him and tell him why I reacted the way I did and how much I love him, do you think he might give me a second chance? What would you do if you were in his shoes?
Thisisbs Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 If you told him what you just said, I'm not sure he'll be very understanding. If someone had told me they were playing games the entire relationship (and yours was pretty long), and they expected me to come crawling back, that would be pretty insulting. And if you've known him since you two were 13 years old, then was in a long term relationship, he should expect you to be mature enough to approach him with problems and have a decent level of trust established. He doesn't have any way to tell if you've changed or not, because the last thoughts he has of you are the exact person he may not want. He might give you a second chance, but that will probably be out of pity, which is certainly not a good way to start another relationship. It could be out of true love but still very unlikely considering what you've done to him. Goodluck, this is a really really tough one ;/ 1
rAFC Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Since you were the one who dumped him, I think that if you ever want a chance at reconciliation you need to put your pride aside and let him know how you feel. I would contact him and tell him that you made a huge mistake, you are profoundly sorry for hurting him and you want a second chance. Let him know that you realize that it was your jealousy which drove him away and that you intend to seriously work on that issue. I'm sure this experience has been traumatic for him and I wouldn't be surprised if his trust in you has vanished. He may not want you back, but since you were the one to wrong him you need to take the chance and let him know how you feel. 1
Author BrokenAnna Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 He might give you a second chance, but that will probably be out of pity, which is certainly not a good way to start another relationship. It could be out of true love but still very unlikely considering what you've done to him. Goodluck, this is a really really tough one ;/ Thank you for your comment, I guess you are right if he gives me a second chance that it would be out of pity... Do men ever forget and forgive, or might this be something that he will always hold against me? Since you were the one who dumped him, I think that if you ever want a chance at reconciliation you need to put your pride aside and let him know how you feel. I would contact him and tell him that you made a huge mistake, you are profoundly sorry for hurting him and you want a second chance. Let him know that you realize that it was your jealousy which drove him away and that you intend to seriously work on that issue. I'm sure this experience has been traumatic for him and I wouldn't be surprised if his trust in you has vanished. He may not want you back, but since you were the one to wrong him you need to take the chance and let him know how you feel. Do I tell him in person or is it better to do it via a letter or phone call? I am willing to do anything but don't want to hurt him any further or make things worse.
rAFC Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Thank you for your comment, I guess you are right if he gives me a second chance that it would be out of pity... Do men ever forget and forgive, or might this be something that he will always hold against me? Some men forget and forgive, some don't; it really depends on him and you know him far better than we do. I think the old saying goes, "Forgive but never forget". Do I tell him in person or is it better to do it via a letter or phone call? I am willing to do anything but don't want to hurt him any further or make things worse. It is a delicate situation so you certainly don't want to make things worse. Just make sure you leave your pride at the door as he may be hurt and possibly have harsh words for you. If he does, just let him know that you understand that you hurt him and that you deeply regret that. I've always been of the opinion that in person is better than a phone call which is better than a letter. He may not want to see you in person just yet though, but since only you know him, use your best judgement. Once again, he may not want you back, so be prepared for that. However, if you are ever to get him back it must be you who starts the process. Good luck! 1
Xjusticenlossx Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I think most guys are more fogiving than women...we just dont hold onto those grudges like that...unless you make a fatal mistake...but most guys are..just be honest..he would respect it...the rest is in his heart...he knows u best. 1
Author BrokenAnna Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Some men forget and forgive, some don't; it really depends on him and you know him far better than we do. I think the old saying goes, "Forgive but never forget". It is a delicate situation so you certainly don't want to make things worse. Just make sure you leave your pride at the door as he may be hurt and possibly have harsh words for you. If he does, just let him know that you understand that you hurt him and that you deeply regret that. I've always been of the opinion that in person is better than a phone call which is better than a letter. He may not want to see you in person just yet though, but since only you know him, use your best judgement. Once again, he may not want you back, so be prepared for that. However, if you are ever to get him back it must be you who starts the process. Good luck! Thank you so much! I think I will bake his favorite muffins and surprise him next week at his parents house for breakfast and have a heart to heart conversation and explain everything to him. I am grateful for your help.
Xjusticenlossx Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 You have a good shot at reconciliation. Its hard to scratch 12 years. 1
rAFC Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Thank you so much! I think I will bake his favorite muffins and surprise him next week at his parents house for breakfast and have a heart to heart conversation and explain everything to him. I am grateful for your help. No problem. Good luck! 1
Xjusticenlossx Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I need sme elp myself. Its the 50/50 question on the first page. Any advise would be helpful.
KathyM Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I would suggest calling him and apologizing, and letting him know how sorry you are for not trusting him. Tell him you regret every day that you jumped to conclusions about him, and that you wish you could take it back and have him back in your life again. Don't beg and plead, cry or over-dramatize--just give him a heartfelt apology and express your desire to have him back. The rest is up to him. A lot of times you don't get a second chance once you end a relationship. But it's worth a try to make the apology and let him know how much you miss him and want him back. Sometimes that works, sometimes not. Good luck. 1
Samilia Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Hi all, My name is Annabelle and I really need some wise words or have someone to hold my hand and help me work through this.I am literally crying as I type this out and have been having a very hard time pulling myself together. My story... We have been together for 12 years and I have known him for the most part of my life. He is truly the man I am supposed to be spending my life with, but due to my jealous nature and mind games I managed to drove him away I started freaking out when girls would flirt with him at work so one day by mistake I just broke up with him for catching up with his cousin who I misjudged for a girl from his work. I avoided him like the plaque and never gave him a chance to explain himself. I took NC seriously and avoided all his friends and family, had my number changed and moved in with a colleague in which I made the mistake of sleeping with him a month after the breakup hoping it would ease the pain. Moving forward a few months a friend of his told me everything and that he has moved away to start a new life. I ruined the most amazing relationship cause I didn't trust him and was so afraid of someone stealing him away from me. I haven't slept more than 2 hours since the breakup and have stomach ulcers and hair falling out due to all the stress and depression. This was the worst experience in my life as I have known him since I was 13. Please what I can do to win his heart back? I know he will be back in town next week Wednesday for his birthday, what can I do? Call him, give him a chance now to talk to you. If you guys ever end up together again, or if you meet somebody new, make sure and get counselling, jealousy is a relationship killer, so is the absence of trust.
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