livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Me and my ex (a month ago) have been through a lot since the break up. Lots of ups and downs. We are still working on fixing us and getting back together, but he is having a lot of personal problems with family and not having many friends to vent to. I told him I would be there for him 100%. He knows I still love him. We had a big fight about 2 weeks ago because a friend was starting rumors about him, I got upset, kinda said some hurtful words, but we are past that. Since then we have hung out 3 times since then. THe first time i cried because I thought we were done for good. The second time was great, no problems, we were perfectly ourselves. The third time was last night, we saw fireworks, then hung out at his house and then I got upset because I realized I missed him. He got upset too for certain reasons. he is worried that every time we hang out its going to be like that when he hangs out with me to get his mind off of his problems and just wants to be happy. What i'm asking is what do I do? How should I approach this situation on getting us completely back together, even though he said we will. Should I ask him to hang out more, again...or should I just not contact him and let him come to me?
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 How open are the feelings between you two at this point? Fairly open. I tell him how I feel and hes always been closed up when it comes to things and I usually have to ask him (when we are going through something) so its not unsual that he isnt completely opening up to me. I told him last night that he needs to tell me that we will be okay and together eventually and he said, "how many times do I have to tell you that?" All he really tells me is what I ask him, if he wants this to work, and small things like that. I told him I still loved him last night and I didnt expect him to say it back, but it was when he was crying and he just rubbed my leg and pulled me into his chest for a hug when I said that
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Also, if he's a bit reserved on how he expresses himself, it would most likely be better for you to ask him to hang out. So don't completely leave him alone, but still ask him to hang out? I just don't want to seem too overwhelming to him. Also, he initiates kissing me every time. At dinner yesterday, he mentioned something about meeting my manager and him seeing how the guy I dates dress. So I took notice of him saying that I am dating him.
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Ok, if the guy is kissing you, making out or on a regular basis, you guys are dating (at least in my opinion). The same thing happened with my ex and me. We never had a "boom, now we are dating" moment. We slowly stumbled into it. How old are you guys btw? Yes he is doing that. When he is driving and I put my hand on his leg like I usually do, he will sometimes grab my hand and hold it. But he doesn't text me or ask me to hang out, it is usually me. And we are both 20, almost 21. And he pays for me when we do go out.
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 He has feelings for you, and wants to be with you. He just doesn't really know how to express himself yet. That will come in time. For now, you will need to be the one that does the asking to do things. But at some point, flat out tell him in a nice way "It would really make me feel special if you texted me occasionally" When dealing with guys, just go for the straight point. We're not going to figure out hints and such, and if we do, we're often just going to think "why the **** didn't she just tell me" As for making sure thinks go well when you hang out, just think about the fact that you guys are together at the moment, DON'T OVER THINK ABOUT NOT "OFFICIALLY BEING TOGETHER, as far as I'm aware, you guys basically are already. Think about him. I can garentee he's probably thinking about you Thank you so much for your advice! And thank you for being so quick to respond. I'll keep you updated as things go on! When you broke up with your ex, how long was it for you two to get back together?
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 It took us a month to get back together that time. That being said we were living together at the time. that pushed it better. now that we broke up again, its different and i'm trying to at least get my head above water So you're on this website because of her? And yeah I hope he will be willing to commit again. It just sucks sometimes having to wait.
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 And abridged version of my story. I've been typing a full version of it, but its been emotionally hard to finish. Here My problem is my situation is very unusual, as it involves factors that are fairly rare, and I have yet to disclose them on here as of yet. He's pretty much committed emotionally IMHO. You being there for him now will secure that bond so that when the dust settles with his family, he'll hopefully be ready. Also, don't think of it as "we're not yet together". You both love each other. Enjoy each other. Thats what matters the most. Semantics will never matter in the long run. Thank you so much! The friend that was starting rumors was about him and she was saying he is hooking up with people, which we stated we wouldn't. He has told me multiple times he didn't, so I am choosing to put that aside and believe him. The problem with asking him to hang out is that I don't want to bombard him with texts. I texted him today after we got breakfast( I slept over) and told him how I would be there for him if he needed anything, and said he didnt need to respond but I just wanted him to know, and I didn't get a response, but I do want to see him tomorrow if possible- so I may just shoot him a text tomorrow and see what he is up to. I just feel like if he wanted to see me he would ask me every once in a while? Am I wrong? And I will read you're story right now.
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Oh! He just texted me, Just thought you should know Im thinking about you. Do I respond or do I wait till tomorrow morning to just ask him to hang out? I need to approach this in the best way possible.
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 He is in a fraternity at our college and they have sorority little sisters. He said she totaled her car in a bad accident tonight so he is going to check on her tomorrow, and if he got back in a reasonable time he would let me know. I will keep you updated on that. Thank you so much for your help in the meantime
neiljohnson85 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Well i would start by saying what broke you up as to how your going to talk to someone to get back to gether does he wanna talk about getting together whos idea was it ?Sometimes if the one who wants it really most of the time you can say i'm sorry and go from there. Ask him what he thinks about getting back together. Sit and listen to everything he has to say. Repeat back to him what he has told you so you can make sure you have heard him correctly. When he is done then tell him what you think about getting together. First and formost are you willing to let the past be the past? Are you willing to truly forgive whatever it was that made you break up in the first place. If you truly can't forgive then you need to move on. Trust is the most important part of a relationship and if you can't forgive and trust than move on and find someone you can truly feel these feelings with.
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Well i would start by saying what broke you up as to how your going to talk to someone to get back to gether does he wanna talk about getting together whos idea was it ?Sometimes if the one who wants it really most of the time you can say i'm sorry and go from there. Ask him what he thinks about getting back together. Sit and listen to everything he has to say. Repeat back to him what he has told you so you can make sure you have heard him correctly. When he is done then tell him what you think about getting together. First and formost are you willing to let the past be the past? Are you willing to truly forgive whatever it was that made you break up in the first place. If you truly can't forgive then you need to move on. Trust is the most important part of a relationship and if you can't forgive and trust than move on and find someone you can truly feel these feelings with. Okay the breakup was stupid are you ready to hear this? We got in an argument, he had been drinking so he wasn't really filtering and on the phone said I wasnt welcomed over and didnt want to see me, he was being reallly mean not how a boyfriend should so I said okay fine were done. and we both hung up the phone. I realized what I had said and rushed over to his house to take it back and apologize, we both cried really hard and he never drinks, but at this point he was hammered. I've never seen him cry THAT hard. I've seen him cry, but not like that. He said we could talk about it the next day. Come the next day, he says he needs space and time and doesnt want to talk about it. Takes it offline, won't talk to me in person but texts me, and thats where it lands us now. We are a whole lot better than we were right after the breakup. He has said he wants to work on rebuilding us so we can get back to how we were and reach the potential we have.
Author livelife Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 So still no word on if my ex wants to come hang out tonight or not, i'm going to go ahead, assume it will be a no since I haven't heard from him,and i'm going to start moving on. I'm sick of this, him leaving me stringing along not knowing anything, and me doing ALL of the work. I'm just not going to tell him this time. He will start to realize it when I ignore his texts.
Author livelife Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 (edited) Anyone? It's tough. I keep catching my self checking my texts to see if I have any from him. I teted him last night and said, if you don't want to hang out with me that bad you know you can just let me know. And he said, What? I never said I didn't want to hang out. I just replied Ok. He said I haven't been home tonight. And that was it. I realized I am going to start moving on, but not telling him. I'm approaching this as NC until he wants to show me he cares and starts contacting me first, i'm no longer going to ask him to hang out, nothing. It is all on him now. And if I get nothing, then there is my answer. I know he still cares, I just think I need to stop caring as much for him to care more. Part of me wants to text him asking if I need to move on because thats what his actions are telling me. what do yall think Edited July 7, 2012 by livelife
Skalabanan Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I think you've done the right thing with how you've approached using no contact, I'm currently in a similar situation, when picking up my stuff from the ex's house I let her know that we both needed time and space to think and it was my way of going NC or at the very least NIC. You sound like you both need space to evaluate/heal and start to think about yourself again, you may find that you do reconcile one day but don't live in hope and give yourself some much needed attention.
Author livelife Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I think you've done the right thing with how you've approached using no contact, I'm currently in a similar situation, when picking up my stuff from the ex's house I let her know that we both needed time and space to think and it was my way of going NC or at the very least NIC. You sound like you both need space to evaluate/heal and start to think about yourself again, you may find that you do reconcile one day but don't live in hope and give yourself some much needed attention. I decided one last time to ask him to hang out, and he said he couldnt that he had already made plans, which really upset me. If he wanted this to work, he would make time to see me, and he hasn't. So I told him that I was done, and that I reached my limit. He didn't respond. It hasn't hit me yet...but I'm sure it will tonight...
Author livelife Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I'm sorry to hear that. Start getting busy with things. Keep your mind off him, and it will be easier. Theres a couple things of mine that he has, I asked him to please put them in his mailbox tonight. I'm hoping they are in there.
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