amethyste Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Hi , Well, for those who aren't familiar with my story, I came on LS one year ago because I needed help with a not-so-nice break up, but that chapter is now completely closed. Anyway, after one year of NC – an year in which I wanted to take a break from any kind of serious relationship – I thought it would be a good idea to meet new people and see what happens from there. A while ago I met at Univeristy this guy I really liked & he seemed into me as well, so we went out on a couple of dates (almost everyday, for around 2 weeks). He was lovely – chatty, bubbly, very careful etc. He spent some nights overs, he took me to all kind of interesting places, sometimes he came to me in the morning (just to visit me), he had plans for the summer blah blah. We haven't had sex at all, so a couple of days ago I started wondering when was that going to happen (I really wanted to have sex with him). Last night we went out. It was all fun and games until he said: "I have something to tell you". He was very nervous and agitated; I tried to calm him down and told him that he can tell me whatever he wants. And then boom, he said he has a girlfriend. I can't say I was very distrubed by this, but what followed left me wondering "dafuq?!!". Some of the things he said: "I haven't had a serious relationship in about 3 years/ I don't wanna feel that I'm alone/ I don't love her, I don't care about her, but I don't want to hurt her either/ I can't break up with her/ What can I say to her?/ I think it's about time to treat girls properly, because I haven't done so/ I like you, I'm sorry for dragging you into this/ I think about doing so many things with you, but I can't/ Sorry sorry/ She can offer me things you won't*/ I'm truly sorry because I really like you .... ". Geez... We're both in our 20's, what serious relationship is he dreaming about?! Related to * - I told him that all I'm looking for is a casual relationship – we can meet whenever he wants, he doesn't have to offer me any explanation, he can be very relaxed, we can have sex, chat a little, maybe even go out & so on – but all these things don't have to happen daily. If they'd happen let's say twice a month, it'd be enough for me. Right now, I don't have time or resources for anything else. We spent the night together, in his car, just talking and talking. I knew it's going to be our last night together and I felt so sorry. At one point he said: "My music, my car, a beautiful girl next to me – what else could I want?" But he didn't do anything. We left. Just like that. I hugged him & told him I regret things turned out this way because I liked him, then we said "bye" to each other and that was all. He said something like "There's always a future, but now it's not the time for that future", and the end. I know it's not the end of the world, I'll be fine after a while, but I'm shocked. I didn't expect something like this. Why he spent all this time with me (talking A LOT with me, sleeping over, hugging me and touching me all over my body) if he cares so much about his official girlfriend? What happened? I can't really understand. I felt humiliated (even though I'm pretty sure this wasn't his intention). I felt like I'm not good enough – and what for? I still feel like hell because I began having some feelings for him; it was impossible for me not to like him... I'm so disappointed. Things like this scare me. All I can think about now is that it'll take me a while to meet someone else whom to like, and what am I going to do then? I'm already reserved about letting people get close to me. I think I'll stop now. Any opinion is greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Philosoraptor Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Well things like this happen sometimes. It all comes down to continuing to be patient and waiting for the right kind of person. If one came long you know they exist so just wait. It's the same thing I had to learn to do and it does allow you to find the best potential match. I do feel bad for the person who thinks they are his girlfriend though. 2
Author amethyste Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 I do feel bad for the person who thinks they are his girlfriend though. True... I've been thinking about her a lot, even though I don't know her personally (so I can't say I care about her). I'm sorry for her too, and I know for sure I wouldn't like to be in her place at all.
Ruby65 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Yeah, I feel bad for her, too -- he's a cheater! To say you've dodged a bullet probably is little comfort right now, but it's still true. Unfortunately getting disappointed sometimes is the price of admission when you're putting yourself out there trying to have a relationship. Try not to feel embarrassed, this kind of weird story happens to all of us. Like P-raptor says, at this point it's just about having patience and waiting for a really great match to show up. They always do..... eventually!
KatZee Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I feel really bad for his girlfriend as well. This is how he's going to go about "treating girls right" ?? He flat out said he doesn't even love her. He just can't hurt her. OK so he's staying with her out of pity, because he doesn't have the balls to just let her go to be free to find someone who WILL love her. He's being completely and utterly selfish. He can't leave her because she offers him things you won't? But he doesn't love her? I'm really not grasping the part where he's treating this girl right... but whatever maybe it's just me and my inability to understand his point of view. 1
Blastoplast Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 He's not treating his current GF right, he's going behind her back seeing you with the intention of something more and that's just wrong for EVERYBODY involved. That just shows a lack of character, what's to say if you two ended up going steady and he found another girl he was attracted to, he could have done the same to you!
flitzanu Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Hi , Well, for those who aren't familiar with my story, I came on LS one year ago because I needed help with a not-so-nice break up, but that chapter is now completely closed. Anyway, after one year of NC – an year in which I wanted to take a break from any kind of serious relationship – I thought it would be a good idea to meet new people and see what happens from there. A while ago I met at Univeristy this guy I really liked & he seemed into me as well, so we went out on a couple of dates (almost everyday, for around 2 weeks). He was lovely – chatty, bubbly, very careful etc. He spent some nights overs, he took me to all kind of interesting places, sometimes he came to me in the morning (just to visit me), he had plans for the summer blah blah. We haven't had sex at all, so a couple of days ago I started wondering when was that going to happen (I really wanted to have sex with him). Last night we went out. It was all fun and games until he said: "I have something to tell you". He was very nervous and agitated; I tried to calm him down and told him that he can tell me whatever he wants. And then boom, he said he has a girlfriend. I can't say I was very distrubed by this, but what followed left me wondering "dafuq?!!". Some of the things he said: "I haven't had a serious relationship in about 3 years/ I don't wanna feel that I'm alone/ I don't love her, I don't care about her, but I don't want to hurt her either/ I can't break up with her/ What can I say to her?/ I think it's about time to treat girls properly, because I haven't done so/ I like you, I'm sorry for dragging you into this/ I think about doing so many things with you, but I can't/ Sorry sorry/ She can offer me things you won't*/ I'm truly sorry because I really like you .... ". Geez... We're both in our 20's, what serious relationship is he dreaming about?! Related to * - I told him that all I'm looking for is a casual relationship – we can meet whenever he wants, he doesn't have to offer me any explanation, he can be very relaxed, we can have sex, chat a little, maybe even go out & so on – but all these things don't have to happen daily. If they'd happen let's say twice a month, it'd be enough for me. Right now, I don't have time or resources for anything else. We spent the night together, in his car, just talking and talking. I knew it's going to be our last night together and I felt so sorry. At one point he said: "My music, my car, a beautiful girl next to me – what else could I want?" But he didn't do anything. We left. Just like that. I hugged him & told him I regret things turned out this way because I liked him, then we said "bye" to each other and that was all. He said something like "There's always a future, but now it's not the time for that future", and the end. I know it's not the end of the world, I'll be fine after a while, but I'm shocked. I didn't expect something like this. Why he spent all this time with me (talking A LOT with me, sleeping over, hugging me and touching me all over my body) if he cares so much about his official girlfriend? What happened? I can't really understand. I felt humiliated (even though I'm pretty sure this wasn't his intention). I felt like I'm not good enough – and what for? I still feel like hell because I began having some feelings for him; it was impossible for me not to like him... I'm so disappointed. Things like this scare me. All I can think about now is that it'll take me a while to meet someone else whom to like, and what am I going to do then? I'm already reserved about letting people get close to me. I think I'll stop now. Any opinion is greatly appreciated. Thank you! maybe you're much hotter than his gf, and that's why he's nervous.
Author amethyste Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 I feel really bad for his girlfriend as well. This is how he's going to go about "treating girls right" ?? He flat out said he doesn't even love her. He just can't hurt her. OK so he's staying with her out of pity, because he doesn't have the balls to just let her go to be free to find someone who WILL love her. He's being completely and utterly selfish. He can't leave her because she offers him things you won't? But he doesn't love her? I'm really not grasping the part where he's treating this girl right... but whatever maybe it's just me and my inability to understand his point of view. Thank you for pointing that out - I haven't thought that he's causing her harm by not letting her go. I'd love to ask him if he realizes this, but I doubt we'll ever talk again. Actually, I'd like to tell him a lot of other things too, but I think it's better to maintain no contact.
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