I got played and he's rubbing it in and thinks it's funny.

[df1304]

I'm 16, he's 18, about to be 19. We met at school and he seemed really sweet, different and just special. We had the same interests and viewpoints on a lot of things, he was kind of dorky and not that popular which I actually find more attractive in a guy than the cool guy with a ton of friends. I liked him a lot.

 

We dated for about a year and four months. In retrospect looking back on the relationship I was an idiot for staying with him, he got me to do drugs with him (nothing serious, weed and LSD once) and also got me into alcohol. I would NEVER have done those things on my own, I've always been very sheltered and known as one of the "good kids" at my school. He also didn't pay much attention to me and I always felt like it was one-sided but somehow it made me like him and want the relationship even more. I should have seen that it wasn't right, but he was my first boyfriend and I didn't know what to do.. I kept making excuses for his behavior because I loved him for whatever reason, the little attention he did give me felt great.

 

Anyway, he got me really drunk one night a few weeks ago and took my virginity. Then the next day he broke up with me by sending me a text message. Then he ignored me when I asked why and wouldn't talk to me or see me. I was so confused and hurt over it. I hadn't made the connection yet because I didn't want to believe I'd made a mistake.

 

Last night, I texted him just to ask why he dumped me, what I did wrong and if he ever cared about me. His response said that he is seeing someone else now, he never cared about me at all, and that he only stayed with me because he wanted to **** a virgin. I asked him why he lead me on for so long just for sex and he said that while he was waiting for me to be ready he was having sex with other girls behind my back. He also said I was stupid and immature for getting emotional over sex and being upset about the breakup.

 

This is an exact quote in one text he sent me: "They didn't get all emotional like you are... you should date more. You got epicly trolled. If you really thought an 18-year-old was gonna be faithful to a stupid little girl like you, you should have thought twice, welcome to the real world."

 

I feel so disgusted and I don't understand why he would do this to me. I gave him so much love, stood up for him when people told me he was no good for me.. because I thought everyone deserves a chance. I wanted to make him happy and bring out the good that I thought I saw in him. Now I just feel like a piece of trash that got thrown away. I feel like I can never trust another person again... if I was so sure about this guy who else will I be wrong about? Why do people do things like this?

Edited June 24, 2012 by df1304

[sweetheart5381]

I'm 16, he's 18, about to be 19. We met at school and he seemed really sweet, different and just special. We had the same interests and viewpoints on a lot of things, he was kind of dorky and not that popular which I actually find more attractive in a guy than the cool guy with a ton of friends. I liked him a lot.

 

We dated for about a year and four months. In retrospect looking back on the relationship I was an idiot for staying with him, he got me to do drugs with him (nothing serious, weed and LSD once) and also got me into alcohol. I would NEVER have done those things on my own, I've always been very sheltered and known as one of the "good kids" at my school. He also didn't pay much attention to me and I always felt like it was one-sided but somehow it made me like him and want the relationship even more. I should have seen that it wasn't right, but he was my first boyfriend and I didn't know what to do.. I kept making excuses for his behavior because I loved him for whatever reason, the little attention he did give me felt great.

 

Anyway, he got me really drunk one night a few weeks ago and took my virginity. Then the next day he broke up with me by sending me a text message. Then he ignored me when I asked why and wouldn't talk to me or see me. I was so confused and hurt over it. I hadn't made the connection yet because I didn't want to believe I'd made a mistake.

 

Last night, I texted him just to ask why he dumped me, what I did wrong and if he ever cared about me. His response said that he is seeing someone else now, he never cared about me at all, and that he only stayed with me because he wanted to **** a virgin. I asked him why he lead me on for so long just for sex and he said that while he was waiting for me to be ready he was having sex with other girls behind my back. He also said I was stupid and immature for getting emotional over sex and being upset about the breakup.

 

This is an exact quote in one text he sent me: "They didn't get all emotional like you are... you should date more. You got epicly trolled. If you really thought an 18-year-old was gonna be faithful to a stupid little girl like you, you should have thought twice, welcome to the real world."

 

I feel so disgusted and I don't understand why he would do this to me. I gave him so much love, stood up for him when people told me he was no good for me.. because I thought everyone deserves a chance. I wanted to make him happy and bring out the good that I thought I saw in him. Now I just feel like a piece of trash that got thrown away. I feel like I can never trust another person again... if I was so sure about this guy who else will I be wrong about? Why do people do things like this?

 

I am so sorry for your pain. This guy is utterly disgusting and pretty much identical to my very first bf (I am 37 btw). He did the same thing, dated me for the longest time, just wanting to break a virgin. When he did he ditched in a week and then moved on to screw my best friend. Gross.

 

You need to know that this type of person has the absolute lowest sense of self-worth imaginable and is not able to have any sort of healthy relationship. He is no loss to you at all.

 

Not much wonder he is a dork without friends.

 

I know it hurts right now, but you did nothing wrong. Some people are so weak and self-absorbed that they need to feed off of others in order to feel whole.

 

We all get snowed sometimes by the people we love. Don't ever feel ashamed for loving someone that doesnt deserve your love. It truly is NOT you, or your judgement, it's them.

[spicolli]

Kinda makes me want to visit your high school and punch this kid in the mouth. I am very sorry that you're going through this, especially that you lost your virginity to a scumbag like him. But, you had no idea of his true colors (just like many of us.) But you have SO MUCH time left to find someone who deserves you. Don't let a loser like this change the way you view life, men, and especially love. In the long run you will be less naive about things of this matter, while he will continue the pattern of behavior he currently exhibits, until someone smashes his heart, then he will remember the amazing girl he screwed over for ego maniacal reasons.

Don't ever talk to this child again. He may be older, but is way behind you in maturity. He doesn't deserve you, or anyone really. Unfortunatley with the way these things seem to work, he will contact you again. Remember what you're going thru now, and let it be the fuel to leave this little boy in your past forever. Also his line about "being 18".... he is still a little kid, he thinks he has everything figured out, but he knows NOTHING of the real world. Most likely living at home bills are paid for no real responsibility etc. Hopefully he tries to continue his womanizing ways and has a pregnancy scare, hopefully just a scare bc the world doesn't need another loser for a father, that will show him the "real world" The real world has a tendency to beat the $hit out of people like him, and I really hope it does.

Good luck!

Edited June 24, 2012 by spicolli
wanted to add more about what a piece of **** this kid is :)

[utterer of lies]

II feel like I can never trust another person again... if I was so sure about this guy who else will I be wrong about?

 

Most people you will ever meet.

 

Why do people do things like this?

 

Because they can.

 

 

 

I'm sorry for you, it's not fair and you shouldn't have been used like this. But it happened, and the important thing is that you at least learn something from this. Which should be something like: Most people are untrustworthy, and you should be very careful about whom you let get close to you.

[AlexanderJames]

Im so sorry to read about what you've been put through. No one deserves to be treated this way, especially not someone with pure intentions like yourself.

 

There are a lot of bad people out there, but you're not one of them so dont be hard on yourself. It's all on his hands, he sounds like a wannabe player and kids like that always end up riddled with disease and hated by everyone they used to call friends. He will probably slip up one day and fall for someone and they will rip his heart to shreds. Karma will make sure of that

 

Take it from someone who has been in your very same position, more than once . At the end of the day they have done you a favor, now you get to go on and live a great, fullfilling life without some low life burden holding you back.

 

Just stick it out and keep getting the support from everyone on here and I promise you that before you know it you'll be feeling stronger than ever and you'll consider this nothing more than a lesson learned. This ********* on the other hand is going to wake up one morning cold and alone and all he will have to think about is all the huge mistakes he has made in hurting sweet girls like you.

 

We're all here to support you, so make sure you keep sharing your feelings as time goes by, and if your struggling dont be scared to ask for help okay

[Chi townD]

If you are 16 and he was 18 almost 19. Then I would check on the age of consent in your state. This could be a case of statutory rape. He admitted that he was a working you over for no other reason other than to sleep with you. No other reason.

 

 

Guess he won't be laughing when the cops are at his door.

[dreamingoftigers]

Jeez, I want to ask you his name and where he lives.

 

Erm, no reason.... Everyone else just move along, nothing to see here in this post.

[df1304]

Hey everybody. Thank you to everyone who responded in here. Your words have been more help than I can really say. It's comforting to know that other people find him just as disgusting as I do, and the kindness that you guys show in your posts gives me faith that there are better people out there.

 

As far as calling the cops on him, in my state the age of consent is 16. So I don't think they could get him for statutory rape. I had told him previously that I was ready, but when I told him that I was still 15 and he didn't want to do anything... the reason he gave was that if we broke up at any point in the future I could do just that and get him into trouble. At the time I thought he was crazy for thinking I could do something like that to him... now it's hard to STOP myself from getting back at him somehow. As much as I wish I could beat him up, get my friends to help me (all my friends want to kick his ass right now), do something... it's not worth dragging it out. I really just don't ever want to see his face or hear from him again in my lifetime. I have to walk away. Even more than that, I feel like somehow, I'm eventually going to have to forgive him... not for his sake but for mine, otherwise I could end up bitter over this for a long time. I don't want the extra weight of holding a grudge because as long as I do that, he still has control over me.

 

For now, it's really hard for me to just function at the moment. I can't eat much because I keep thinking about what he said to me and I lose my appetite. I also have this weird paranoia of seeing him in public... I don't know how I would react. I went out today with my family and it was almost like I was seeing him everywhere, people who resembled him, it had me on edge. I expect that will go away in time.

[AlexanderJames]

I really just don't ever want to see his face or hear from him again in my lifetime. I have to walk away. Even more than that, I feel like somehow, I'm eventually going to have to forgive him... not for his sake but for mine, otherwise I could end up bitter over this for a long time. I don't want the extra weight of holding a grudge because as long as I do that, he still has control over me.

 

For now, it's really hard for me to just function at the moment. I can't eat much because I keep thinking about what he said to me and I lose my appetite. I also have this weird paranoia of seeing him in public... I don't know how I would react. I went out today with my family and it was almost like I was seeing him everywhere, people who resembled him, it had me on edge. I expect that will go away in time.

 

That first paragraph alone says it all. I can tell you're going to do just fine.

Your head is in the right place, your very strong and very smart and as hard as your finding things right now take it from me you have the perfect mindset. Your very mature for your age too.

 

Wanting to move on and wanting never to see him again is the ideal way to think at the moment. You cant rush this, but you can check off step one congratulations. You will hate yourself, and him, just remember its normal and cross these bridges when you get to them. Eventually you do just what you said, You'll forgive him, and you'll forgive yourself too. And as much as you probably dont believe it the chances are youll eventually even move on to cherish the memories you have with him, as much as he hurt you. Thats what has happened to me over the years with cheating ex's.

 

And as for the last bit thats completely normal, and 90% of LS users in this forum can probably relate. It took time for my appetite to return but it does. I still often think I see her when I'm out. I just focus on my friends when I go out, keep my attention on the people I care about and just let myself be oblivious to the outside world for the time being. This is also really beneficial if she DOES happen to be at the same place as me. Because she may see me, and see me having lots of fun without her, and I'll be completely oblivious and not even know she was ever there.

[Chi townD]

Ahhh... so he waited till you were 16 before he did anything. Well, at least he's a smart pervert that preys on young barely legal girls. So, if anyone asks you about it, throw it back in his face. Word will get back to him.

 

"Yes, apparently he took my virginity. But, I don't know. Is three inchs a normal size for a man when erect?"

 

" What's an orgasim? I don't know. He was there for a minute and half and he was done. Do girls have orgasims? And is it normal for guys to cry afterward? Personally, I thought I should be the one crying. But, he just left me confused."

 

" I was disappointed by my first time. The guy jerking around like a broken robot and moaning like a cow on crack. I need a really man that knows what the hell he's doing."

 

On a serious note. You're young and you don't need to be worried about sex. Live your life. Be young. All that other stuff will come later. And don't lose hope in guys. Believe me, you're going to find a guy and will love you and respect you. A guy that will cherish every intimate momen with you. But, until you meet that guy. Don't be so rushed to grow up too fast. Enjoy your youth. The rest will come in time.

[AlexanderJames]

"Yes, apparently he took my virginity. But, I don't know. Is three inchs a normal size for a man when erect?"

 

" What's an orgasim? I don't know. He was there for a minute and half and he was done. Do girls have orgasims? And is it normal for guys to cry afterward? Personally, I thought I should be the one crying. But, he just left me confused."

 

" I was disappointed by my first time. The guy jerking around like a broken robot and moaning like a cow on crack. I need a really man that knows what the hell he's doing."

 

 

HAHAHA! Oh my god everyone in the office thinks I'm a serial killer now. I spat my drink all over my computer and laughed so hard. Thanks for bringing a sense of humor to the forum

[sweetheart5381]

Ahhh... so he waited till you were 16 before he did anything. Well, at least he's a smart pervert that preys on young barely legal girls. So, if anyone asks you about it, throw it back in his face. Word will get back to him.

 

"Yes, apparently he took my virginity. But, I don't know. Is three inchs a normal size for a man when erect?"

 

" What's an orgasim? I don't know. He was there for a minute and half and he was done. Do girls have orgasims? And is it normal for guys to cry afterward? Personally, I thought I should be the one crying. But, he just left me confused."

 

" I was disappointed by my first time. The guy jerking around like a broken robot and moaning like a cow on crack. I need a really man that knows what the hell he's doing."

 

On a serious note. You're young and you don't need to be worried about sex. Live your life. Be young. All that other stuff will come later. And don't lose hope in guys. Believe me, you're going to find a guy and will love you and respect you. A guy that will cherish every intimate momen with you. But, until you meet that guy. Don't be so rushed to grow up too fast. Enjoy your youth. The rest will come in time.

 

This made me laugh so hard... it is so true, give that sh%t head something to think about.. like his inadequacy as a man, cough, cough. (Oh and he knows it too, that's why he preys on younger, innocent, sweet girls).

 

As Chi says, life is so full of promise and adventure at your age, please enjoy it. Great sex will only be found with a loving partner. You have plenty of time AND have a great head on your shoulders. You will be just fine, my lady.

 

Just walk away from this loser and never look back. Oh, and when he looks you up in 20 yrs to say he is soooo sorry, (mine did on FB) tell him to go **** himself

[sweetheart5381]

Hey everybody. Thank you to everyone who responded in here. Your words have been more help than I can really say. It's comforting to know that other people find him just as disgusting as I do, and the kindness that you guys show in your posts gives me faith that there are better people out there.

 

As far as calling the cops on him, in my state the age of consent is 16. So I don't think they could get him for statutory rape. I had told him previously that I was ready, but when I told him that I was still 15 and he didn't want to do anything... the reason he gave was that if we broke up at any point in the future I could do just that and get him into trouble. At the time I thought he was crazy for thinking I could do something like that to him... now it's hard to STOP myself from getting back at him somehow. As much as I wish I could beat him up, get my friends to help me (all my friends want to kick his ass right now), do something... it's not worth dragging it out. I really just don't ever want to see his face or hear from him again in my lifetime. I have to walk away. Even more than that, I feel like somehow, I'm eventually going to have to forgive him... not for his sake but for mine, otherwise I could end up bitter over this for a long time. I don't want the extra weight of holding a grudge because as long as I do that, he still has control over me.

 

For now, it's really hard for me to just function at the moment. I can't eat much because I keep thinking about what he said to me and I lose my appetite. I also have this weird paranoia of seeing him in public... I don't know how I would react. I went out today with my family and it was almost like I was seeing him everywhere, people who resembled him, it had me on edge. I expect that will go away in time.

 

You know, reading your post, I wish I had have had the sense that you do when I was in your position many yrs ago. You are a very smart, strong woman. Believe it!

 

The first heartbreak is so hard but you will get thru it, I promise.

 

Your icky feelings will change over time. You won't seem to see him all the time, worry about meeting him and feeling ashamed, etc.

 

You were used in a terrible way but please understand that these feelings will stop so long as you don't allow them to tear down your self-esteem.

 

You are never to blame when another uses you to obtain their selfish desires.

 

Take care.

[SarahRose]

I would spread it around saying his member is very tiny and he had a lot of trouble in bed and he has an STD.

[Chi townD]

Oh, I wouldn't say that he had and STD, because that would imply that he gave HER an STD.

 

But, I would be fully onboard with her spreading it around that he has a small unit and is a two pump chump (sad thing is, she would probably be telling the truth)

 

Her conversation with her friend:

 

"I hate being a liar!"

 

"Why's that? What did you lie about?"

 

"He asked if it was good for me."

Edited June 25, 2012 by Chi townD

[Sugarkane]

I'm sorry to hear about this. I had a similar experience when I lost my virginity too. And then the guy laughed His head off at me after. It wasn't your fault. I would consider seeing a counsellor. If this is the way he treats people I think it will come back to him. It's a pitty you couldn't get him charged for having sex with a minor. I would tell EVERYONE what a user this guy is.

Edited June 25, 2012 by Sugarkane
iPhone error

[Sugarkane]

I wish I could get a group of guys to hit this guy.

[Sugarkane]

OP Its a pitty you didn't kick this guy in the balls when he told you the truth.

[utterer of lies]

What's with all the revenge fantasies and hate?

 

That 16 year old girl is much wiser than most of the posters here:

 

As much as I wish I could beat him up, get my friends to help me (all my friends want to kick his ass right now), do something... it's not worth dragging it out. I really just don't ever want to see his face or hear from him again in my lifetime. I have to walk away. Even more than that, I feel like somehow, I'm eventually going to have to forgive him... not for his sake but for mine, otherwise I could end up bitter over this for a long time. I don't want the extra weight of holding a grudge because as long as I do that, he still has control over me.

[Sugarkane]

I just want to see an Ahole get what they deserve for once.

[Radu]

I'm 16, he's 18, about to be 19. We met at school and he seemed really sweet, different and just special. We had the same interests and viewpoints on a lot of things, he was kind of dorky and not that popular which I actually find more attractive in a guy than the cool guy with a ton of friends. I liked him a lot.

 

We dated for about a year and four months. In retrospect looking back on the relationship I was an idiot for staying with him, he got me to do drugs with him (nothing serious, weed and LSD once) and also got me into alcohol. I would NEVER have done those things on my own, I've always been very sheltered and known as one of the "good kids" at my school. He also didn't pay much attention to me and I always felt like it was one-sided but somehow it made me like him and want the relationship even more. I should have seen that it wasn't right, but he was my first boyfriend and I didn't know what to do.. I kept making excuses for his behavior because I loved him for whatever reason, the little attention he did give me felt great.

 

LSD is a hard drug.

But you must not lay blame on him, even if he introduced you to these things.

You could have said no, and you need to look into yourself and see why you didn't.

This way you can claim responsability for doing these things, and you can adapt, change them ... remove them from your future.

Judging by the way you write and your present hindsight, you are on your way.

 

Anyway, he got me really drunk one night a few weeks ago and took my virginity. Then the next day he broke up with me by sending me a text message. Then he ignored me when I asked why and wouldn't talk to me or see me. I was so confused and hurt over it. I hadn't made the connection yet because I didn't want to believe I'd made a mistake.

 

If it happened this way, than it was borderline rape if not plain rape.

As long as one party cannot give consent [male or female], it is RAPE.

 

Last night, I texted him just to ask why he dumped me, what I did wrong and if he ever cared about me. His response said that he is seeing someone else now, he never cared about me at all, and that he only stayed with me because he wanted to **** a virgin. I asked him why he lead me on for so long just for sex and he said that while he was waiting for me to be ready he was having sex with other girls behind my back. He also said I was stupid and immature for getting emotional over sex and being upset about the breakup.

 

This is an exact quote in one text he sent me: "They didn't get all emotional like you are... you should date more. You got epicly trolled. If you really thought an 18-year-old was gonna be faithful to a stupid little girl like you, you should have thought twice, welcome to the real world."

 

I feel so disgusted and I don't understand why he would do this to me. I gave him so much love, stood up for him when people told me he was no good for me.. because I thought everyone deserves a chance. I wanted to make him happy and bring out the good that I thought I saw in him. Now I just feel like a piece of trash that got thrown away. I feel like I can never trust another person again... if I was so sure about this guy who else will I be wrong about? Why do people do things like this?

 

You are deffinitely not immature.

You should not feel disgusted at how he treated you, at the fact he took your virginity.

There will always be a first time for everything of other types, between fetishes, and your future good partner, and other sex acts you didn't try, you lost very little.

First time a guy goes down on you, first time you do 69, first time you do bdsm, first time you roleplay, first time you put a sexual fantasy into reality, first time you make love with your future husband. There are so many virginities it's impossible to even lose them all before you get old.

 

You should feel disgust when his face pops into your mind.

Btw, depending on your place of residence, it could be that what he did is also statutory rape, talk to a lawyer.

Messages through electronic media are saved forever and even what he wrote to you [and conversations over the phone are saved by communication companies], constitutes proof.

 

You got dealt a pretty ****ty hand, but look on the bright side of all of this ... you learned a very valuable lesson at an early age and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

[sally4sara]

If he got you really drunk because it was the only way to have sex with you then yes OP you can call that rape.

 

But you need to be really honest about this. Did it really happen only because you were drunk out of your head? Or did it happen because you thought you loved him and had been going out with him for over a year and the alcohol just gave you the excuse to do something you'd been thinking about doing with him for a while anyway?

 

Be real honest with yourself. No faking rape if you know you were sober enough to know what you were doing. It isn't illegal for a guy to make you think he loves you to get sex. Its against the law for a guy to get you completely wasted and take advantage of you.

 

In the end yes, you're no longer a virgin but it isn't the blemish on you it was for young women generations ago. Its not like he made you less of a person than you were when you were a virgin. But if he HAD to get you wasted to have sex with you then you can and should have rape charges put on his ass. He is thinking he is one slick guy for that and will do it to other women till one of them does the right thing and reports it to the authorities. Save those texts of his telling you that he just wanted to trick you so he could have sex with a virgin and any texts or messages talking about him getting you drunk. You are not suppose to be drinking till you're 21 and he gave a 16 year old alcohol - another broken law.

[df1304]

Well, like I said, I'd already told him that I was ready and everything. I mentioned it because it seems really weird to me that he felt like he needed to get me drunk first for me to have sex with him regardless, although I would have been hesitant in the moment if I'd been sober. Sex always made me nervous. So I wouldn't try to get him in jail for rape or anything like that. I guess I could get him into trouble for giving me alcohol, but again I could have said no.

 

My mom knows what happened, we're really really close and I've never hidden anything from her. She says she doesn't want to drag the ordeal out either but she says she wants to talk to his mom (he still lives with her) and tell her what he did. His mom has a really strong sense of justice (not to be dramatic) and is very feminist, I can't imagine she'd be happy at all with this guy for what happened. So I'm hoping she'll kick him out of the house at least... it wouldn't be the first time. He's one of those enablers, he tries to get his friends to drink and do drugs if they don't already. That and the fact that he tried to make me change myself and do things I normally wouldn't.. were huge red flags, but I guess it felt cool to experience something new and I wanted him to accept me. It sounds corny but basically, I thought it made me "cool".

 

I could spread a lot of rumors if I wanted to... as it happens, I wouldn't have to exaggerate much. For someone who likes to think he's a player... he's really bad at sex. I don't even have anything to compare him to and I could tell! But again, I don't want his name in my mouth, I don't want him in my head for the few seconds it would take to say something. I just want him out of my life forever. I deleted him and blocked him off facebook (so I'll never see his name again and he can't find my profile if he wants to), deleted him from all my contact lists, deleted every text message, every chat log, every picture of him, every song that reminded me of him. He's gone.

 

Also, did I mention that he said he's seeing someone else? I got to know his family, but I never knew any of his friends, so I don't know who the girl is, and I don't care to. I just hope she doesn't end up like me.

 

I'm part of my school's band and band camp starts about a month from now. I'm really excited for the year to start because band means a LOT to me.. I play the clarinet and I'm really good at it, I've been a concert soloist every year so far and I'm going to be woodwind captain this year. My band director is like a second father to me, and the whole band is like my family. I know once I'm on the field again, focusing on my music and schoolwork, it'll make the healing process easier since I'll be with people I love and who love me every day, and have a distraction.

Edited June 25, 2012 by df1304

[Chi townD]

I could spread a lot of rumors if I wanted to... as it happens, I wouldn't have to exaggerate much. For someone who likes to think he's a player... he's really bad at sex. I don't even have anything to compare him to and I could tell! But again, I don't want his name in my mouth, I don't want him in my head for the few seconds it would take to say something. I just want him out of my life forever. I deleted him and blocked him off facebook (so I'll never see his name again and he can't find my profile if he wants to), deleted him from all my contact lists, deleted every text message, every chat log, every picture of him, every song that reminded me of him. He's gone.

 

 

You know what? Good for you, Girl! I'm very proud and at awe that you are handling this better than most grown adults. You're handling this like a pro. Of course, you are always welcome here to post if you're having a hard time, or if you need to vent or just to talk to people about what happened to you.

 

Even though I was joking around earlier (sorta) I really admire your strength.

[df1304]

Thank you. I'm trying my best. I just figured it would make moving on easier if I didn't have anything to remind me of him.

 

 

I met up with some friends today and got some new books to read that I've been meaning to get around to (I got The Edible Woman by Margaret Atwood and The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky... I almost got The Bell Jar but it seemed really sad, so maybe I'll save it for another time). I'm also thinking about changing my hair just for a change of pace... I've never dyed it before but I was thinking of trimming it and putting a few blue streaks in on the underside.. nothing too crazy. I've wanted to pop some color in before but I didn't because you-know-who didn't approve It would be kinda like the next step in the rebuilding process to me, if that makes sense.... it would be a reminder to be more of me!

 

^ Those are the steps I'm taking to get rid of the bad feelings. I'm still sad and angry, but when I spent time with my friends it cheered me up more than I thought it would. Also, my mom told me that she got me an appointment with a therapist this Friday so I can talk about what happened. I want all the advice and opinions I can get on what happened and I'm hoping talking to a therapist can help me learn how to forgive the ex for what he did, because it seems like that's the hardest thing I'm gonna have to do.

 

Thanks again for all the advice and kindness you guys. I'm really glad I decided to post here.