soret Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 We've only been broken up for about 2 months (initiated by him) and I've been on and off with talking to him. The talks were too confusing, he would flirt, tease, and compliment me even though we agreed on being just friends. Since I'm still in love with him I told him I needed my time and space before I consider being friends, it's been about 2 to 3 weeks since I told him this and he randomly texted me this bit late tonight: "It might sound unneeded but I really hope you are doing well, I wasn't texting or anything because you asked me not to but I still decided to let you know you are one ****ing awesome person that will do amazing in life. Remember that! Cheers great person" I just don't understand what that is?
AlexanderJames Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 What are the circumstances of the break up if you dont mind sharing? He might be feelings guilty for hurting you, and needs to know youre doing okay in order to make himself feel better. He might need an ego boost and hopes to hear that you're still hung up on him He might be missing you. Depends on the circumstances really. If I were you though I would continue with NC and do not grace him with a response. He made the decision to leave you, he can deal with it himself. Whats important is that you look after you And talking to him again could easily bring up feelings and ruin all the progress you've made.
Author soret Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 He broke up with me because we fought too much and now that I've disappered from every aspect of his life he's curious. I do think all three of your points hold true because I know his day to day life is boring right now. We spent a lot of time together and now that I'm not around he's missing that. I'm just confused with all the compliments and why he had to send me a message right before bed. I have tried to be friends at one point but I just got angry and confused so I told him I needed space and he needs to respect that. I think I will reply with a simp "thank you" and be done with it.
AlexanderJames Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 The important thing is not to dwell on it. You could lead yourself down a long confusing and pointless path wondering what if and all for nothing. The choice to initiate NC is a difficult one, but it's a giant step in the right direction, and you should be very proud of yourself for showing such strength. That reply is good. But be careful it doesnt lead to small talk or him pestering you, he might say more confusing responses that could lead you backwards. What is important now is that you stay strong and do whats best for you. Do not worry about how he feels or his motives. This is your time, be selfish and do things for you, you deserve it
2sunny Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 He's looking for you to feed his ego. No need. It will just set you back to respond at all. Keep moving forward! 1
AlexanderJames Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 He's looking for you to feed his ego. No need. It will just set you back to respond at all. He has a point, so many people on here post about breaking NC and feeling terrible afterwards. Dont bother, I havent and I'm feeling stronger than ever. This is coming from people who have gone through, and are still going through the very same thing. Im only into my 4th week since being hurt, if I can stay strong so can you The best thing to do is stay true to yourself and your needs. You're on the right path, so stick to it
Author soret Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Oh I hate this so much haha Do I ignore him and look like a complete bitch or do I give a "thank you"? I know if I give him a response he will try and have a conversation with me and it will just end in a mess of getting my hopes up again. Why can't he respect my decession like he agreed to? I do eventually want to be friends but many months down the road when I'm completely over him.
AlexanderJames Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I know if I give him a response he will try and have a conversation with me and it will just end in a mess of getting my hopes up again. Why can't he respect my decession like he agreed to? . You said it yourself Dont reply. You wont be being a bitch by not replying, your being a strong independant person thats looking after themself. And no response will let him know you dont need him. Or his words to be happy and feel good. He's the one dependant on your respnse. He might not respect your decision, but you still can Be friends with him in your own time. Dont wait for it to happen, and dont wonder how long. You'll know when your ready to be friends, if you ever decide you want to. Until then live your life for you and keep up your NC. Good luck. 1
Author soret Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 (edited) I have an update since he has contacted me again. Previously he texted me on a Monday (his texts can be seen in my first post) and as of yesterday he texted me again, "I tried to get in contact with you but you seem to be busy, should I delete your number". I know many of you would have said to just ignore it but at this point I was too pissed off. 2 weeks earlier (since the monday message) I told him I wanted my space from him which he agreed to but then he sent the monday message to which I ignored because he wasn't respecting my space. Every time he texts it makes me so angry and I honestly can't stop thinking about it for a few days before going back to being happy with my life again and the fact that he doesn't respect my decision makes me realize breaking up was a good thing because he hasn't changed one bit in the "respect" department. So, after he sent me that message on Friday I replied, "I asked for space, it's up to you if you want to delete me" and he replied with "Oh, okay. I understand I just missed my friend, I'll delete your number so I don't drunk call or text you. Goodbye and good luck". I told him goodbye but I'm very baffled because he under no circumstances drinks because he is allergic and drank so much one time before I first met him that he had to go to the hospital. He never went out to party or drank since he was released from the hospital and he told me he was better off without it. His mother is very against drinking and he really didn't like it when I was drinking. However, I cut back for myself and myself only. I do not know what he is doing and I'm sick of thinking about him whenever he texts me. I don't like his lies and his need to speak to me all the time because I honestly don't miss him and all of this bs makes me not even want to be his friend in the future when I'm ready. Can anyone explain to me what in the world is going through his head right now? I just really want to move on with my life without being pestered by him. Edited June 24, 2012 by soret
Radu Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I have an update since he has contacted me again. Previously he texted me on a Monday (his texts can be seen in my first post) and as of yesterday he texted me again, "I tried to get in contact with you but you seem to be busy, should I delete your number". I know many of you would have said to just ignore it but at this point I was too pissed off. 2 weeks earlier (since the monday message) I told him I wanted my space from him which he agreed to but then he sent the monday message to which I ignored because he wasn't respecting my space. Every time he texts it makes me so angry and I honestly can't stop thinking about it for a few days before going back to being happy with my life again and the fact that he doesn't respect my decision makes me realize breaking up was a good thing because he hasn't changed one bit in the "respect" department. So, after he sent me that message on Friday I replied, "I asked for space, it's up to you if you want to delete me" and he replied with "Oh, okay. I understand I just missed my friend, I'll delete your number so I don't drunk call or text you. Goodbye and good luck". I told him goodbye but I'm very baffled because he under no circumstances drinks because he is allergic and drank so much one time before I first met him that he had to go to the hospital. He never went out to party or drank since he was released from the hospital and he told me he was better off without it. His mother is very against drinking and he really didn't like it when I was drinking. However, I cut back for myself and myself only. I do not know what he is doing and I'm sick of thinking about him whenever he texts me. I don't like his lies and his need to speak to me all the time because I honestly don't miss him and all of this bs makes me not even want to be his friend in the future when I'm ready. Can anyone explain to me what in the world is going through his head right now? I just really want to move on with my life without being pestered by him. He wants to be in control of your life. Was he a momma's boy ?
Ruby65 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I don't know whether or not he wants control of your life.... .... but I do think he's dropping breadcrumbs for his own selfish reasons, and certainly not happy that you're asking to be left alone. I'm sure he knew full well what impact that remark about drinking would have on you. Exes always know exactly what buttons to push! Block him if you can.... if not, just don't reply to any of his texts. Eventually he'll get the message and stop contacting you. He's only doing this for ego gratification. He's acting out and trying to get you mad or upset because you're not giving him what he wants: ego strokes.
Author soret Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Definetly not a Mommas boy but surely he is acting like a child. I don't know why he thinks his stupid comments would bother me. I don't care anymore and his behaviour is a huge turn off. If he wants an ego boost then why doesn't he simply get it from someone else? He needs to live with his decession and he should be respecting mine but he's clearly no adult.
Svet74 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Definetly not a Mommas boy but surely he is acting like a child. I don't know why he thinks his stupid comments would bother me. I don't care anymore and his behaviour is a huge turn off. If he wants an ego boost then why doesn't he simply get it from someone else? He needs to live with his decession and he should be respecting mine but he's clearly no adult. sweetheart i delt with a guy like that for a long time. who even though we werent together he always tried to control me. He even went to the extremes to show up at my house after i told him to leave me a lone for a while. Those were in the beginning stages of the breakup and he was the one who broke up with me. Later 6 months down the rd he started to respect my wishes. But eventually controlled me again. Month 10 I went in Strict NC. He didnt call for 3 months. Then called. My hopes were crushed cuz i can still see he wanted to play games. Im back to NC. No reason to even tell him. when he calls il just ignore. THis is my story of a yr and a half later. Your guy is immature and insecure. But acts confident in the outside. which is not a good mix. Our exes just do what makes THEM feel good. But how we feel they dont care. Just keep ignoring him. He broke up with you, and he has done nothing to make this work. If you werent good enough to him to be his girlfriend. You sure as hell not good enough to be his friend. Good luck i feel ya
2sunny Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 He's not respecting your need to stay no contact. Total disrespect. Since you two fought all the time he may miss the fighting... He may need THAT participant to create chaos for him (his comfort zone = chaos). He also wants to see if you're willing to be his backup gal. None of it is a good reason to respond. I'd block him! Or I'd tell him to STOP CONTACTING ME!!! LOUD AND CLEAR!!! 1
Author soret Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 You make a good point Svet74, he has only done things for himself, like breaking up with me for starters, trying to get in contact with me after the breakup even after I told him to give me my space, and now again for his ego boost needs. How could I ever be friends with someone like this? The main reason why we fought so much was because I felt like I was putting more effort into the relationship then I should have. I understand that it can't be 50/50 all the time but it honestly felt like 80/20 for many months. 2sunny: I'm not really sure if he misses the fighting because about a month ago I asked if he missed me and he said "yeah, but not the fighting". Then again I don't really know now what is the real truth. Nope, I'm no ones backup and I refuse to be 2nd in someones life. If he treats me like an option rather then a priority then forget it.
Svet74 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 You make a good point Svet74, he has only done things for himself, like breaking up with me for starters, trying to get in contact with me after the breakup even after I told him to give me my space, and now again for his ego boost needs. How could I ever be friends with someone like this? The main reason why we fought so much was because I felt like I was putting more effort into the relationship then I should have. I understand that it can't be 50/50 all the time but it honestly felt like 80/20 for many months. 2sunny: I'm not really sure if he misses the fighting because about a month ago I asked if he missed me and he said "yeah, but not the fighting". Then again I don't really know now what is the real truth. Nope, I'm no ones backup and I refuse to be 2nd in someones life. If he treats me like an option rather then a priority then forget it. AS time goes on it will get easier trust me. In a way although i wanted him to contact me and he did? it felt good. then i was mad that he did and wish he didnt. now 3 days went by and im glad that he did. Because i realized that much more as to why i dont want to be with him. And im one step closer to moving on. Sometimes you just gotta let things like that happen. At this point i cant afford to go backwards.
Author soret Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Yeah I know how you feel In a way you want that ego boost to see that you're still on their mind. I wish you al the best of luck and I hope you end someone really worthwhile.
Sophie99 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 It may be a case of him wanting his ego stroking like it always was with my ex.. He may enjoy to know that you're still hung up on him, and so if some time passes without him hearing from you, he might want reassurance that you still are.
Svet74 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Just ignoring them is the best thing to do. Im sure that will feel real good to them
Author soret Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I feel better without him in my life and I can feel myself falling out of love over these past couple of weeks. Enjoying life now has really been a blessing. Thank you for all of your advice <3 1
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