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NC Getting tough, people need to tell me im an idiot or something.

AlexanderJames

By AlexanderJames
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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AlexanderJames Established Member

AlexanderJames

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Been almost a week since I initiated NC with the ex. Broke up over 6 months ago but kept in touch frequently for sexual favours and such.

 

Started off strong I felt like I could go forever without wanting to talk or hear from her but its getting harder and harder. Mostly in the mornings when I wake up.

 

It's like the more empowered I feel by maintaining NC the weaker I feel knowing that she's made no efforts to contact me. I know I shouldnt be thinking that NC will make her want to contact me, I decided to end contact as a means of finally moving on and stopping her for using me for sex. (Most men probably wouldnt have a problem with that but its hard when you love the person who's only using you).

 

Need some encouragement to stick at it I guess, I hate feeling weak. Everyone always ask's me how I keep such a cool mindset all the time and how Im so strong. I feel like I'm letting them and myself down.

 

Thanks

daisy088 Member

daisy088

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Whoa! You are tough on yourself!

 

First of all, pat yourself on the back. The beginning is the hardest part and you are making it through. What are you so upset with yourself about? Of course you're thinking about her obsessively, of course youre sad she hasnt reached out, of course you miss her- that comes with the territory.

 

But you are being strong but maintaining NC. You are being brave and are doing the right thing. Trust me and everyone else on here who has stuck with NC- it does get better. SO much better. Even if it feels like it wont and even if you dont think it will. You've just got to stick with it. Try and get out and do things you enjoy (or used to enjoy) by yourself or with friends. Time heals all.

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AlexanderJames Established Member

AlexanderJames

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Thanks Daisy :)

Just needed a push in the right direction so I didnt break NC. Thats exactly what I needed to hear.

simonsez Member

simonsez

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You are showing lack of self confidence.

 

A confident man would be saying that you are going to leave her alone because YOU are tired of using HER for sex. No wonder she isn't contacting you. Women are not attracted to men who appear weak. Women are usually attracted to strong, confident, happy men who seem to be going somewhere with their life.

 

Let her feel that you are leaving her behind. Let her see that you have suddenly realized that it is a BIG world out there and there are plenty of fish in the sea.. If you miss one bus, you know there is another bus coming shortly.

 

No contact? Piece of cake.. Matter of fact I can call her if I want to because I am a confident man and confident men do what they want to do. I just CHOOSE not to call her because I don't think it is fair for me to use her for sex...

 

SEE? Total different mindset. THAT is what will help you move on and show her that you have self respect and not only deserve better, but will GET better than she is giving.

lovinglife21 Member

lovinglife21

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Wow your user name freaks me out as it's the same name as my ex's and I had a mad scary moment.

 

No contact is horrible at first, but the way I look at is that ignorance is bliss, and the only way I can move on is by not knowing anything about him anymore, and sort of (this seems like an awful thing to say) pretend he is dead.

 

Every time I check his facebook or whatever, I just 1. hate myself for being weak 2. feel like crap. So I've been trying hard and mostly succeeding in NC.

 

Also remember to forgive yourself for the odd slip up now and again, we are all human and it happens.

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AlexanderJames Established Member

AlexanderJames

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You are showing lack of self confidence.

 

A confident man would be saying that you are going to leave her alone because YOU are tired of using HER for sex. No wonder she isn't contacting you. Women are not attracted to men who appear weak. Women are usually attracted to strong, confident, happy men who seem to be going somewhere with their life.

 

Let her feel that you are leaving her behind. Let her see that you have suddenly realized that it is a BIG world out there and there are plenty of fish in the sea.. If you miss one bus, you know there is another bus coming shortly.

 

No contact? Piece of cake.. Matter of fact I can call her if I want to because I am a confident man and confident men do what they want to do. I just CHOOSE not to call her because I don't think it is fair for me to use her for sex...

 

SEE? Total different mindset. THAT is what will help you move on and show her that you have self respect and not only deserve better, but will GET better than she is giving.

 

 

Okay maybe I should have explained the situation a bit better. In the time that we were in contact after the break up we got pretty close again, to the point that friends just assumed we were back together. So when I brought this up in discussion with her she told me that I was mistaken and that she was only using me for sex because it was easy.

Its a long story (they always are) that I vented on another thread in this section called "The lesser of two evils"

 

I understand you're giving me a different point of view to see things from and I appreciate it, and for the most part I agree with you. But I never used her for sex, nor am I holding out for her to come back to me. That is not what I want from NC. She know's im doing well without her and that I'm happy, which for the most part is true I am happy with life at the moment.

 

I havent let her see weakness in me, only the people on this forum and my close friends. And I do respect myself enough to know that I deserve better, and I am a very confident person as well. I just posted on here because I felt I was having a moment of weakness and wanted people who have experienced the same as me to reassure me that I need not stress and not to bother wasting my time contacting her.

Thanks for the advice though mate :) Its much appreciated.

olivec Established Member

olivec

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Okay maybe I should have explained the situation a bit better. In the time that we were in contact after the break up we got pretty close again, to the point that friends just assumed we were back together. So when I brought this up in discussion with her she told me that I was mistaken and that she was only using me for sex because it was easy.

Its a long story (they always are) that I vented on another thread in this section called "The lesser of two evils"

 

I understand you're giving me a different point of view to see things from and I appreciate it, and for the most part I agree with you. But I never used her for sex, nor am I holding out for her to come back to me. That is not what I want from NC. She know's im doing well without her and that I'm happy, which for the most part is true I am happy with life at the moment.

 

I havent let her see weakness in me, only the people on this forum and my close friends. And I do respect myself enough to know that I deserve better, and I am a very confident person as well. I just posted on here because I felt I was having a moment of weakness and wanted people who have experienced the same as me to reassure me that I need not stress and not to bother wasting my time contacting her.

Thanks for the advice though mate :) Its much appreciated.

 

What helped me was that even though i hoped my ex gf would come back or reconsider hwer decision. Then i realised even if she did it would never work out and she was a fool for leaving me and i deserve better in my life. your best thing is to continue nc and move on with your life.

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AlexanderJames Established Member

AlexanderJames

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Wow your user name freaks me out as it's the same name as my ex's and I had a mad scary moment.

 

Sorry, must not be fun seeing his name.

 

Yeah I felt really good at first but the last couple of days have been a bit harder. Ive made really good progress to be honest, I think about her for the lesser part of a day, she's not on my mind nearly as much as she used to be, just in the mornings and every so often in passing thought.

 

I deleted her number and blocked her on fb, not because I felt tempted to check on her, but because I knew if I saw her picture or something from her through a mutual friend that it would bother me.

 

I'm doing really well in comparison to previous breakups and I know im well on my way to completely moving on. Just have to stick at it.

 

And as for hating yourself and feeling like crap for looking on his fb. Read the last thing you wrote to me :)

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AlexanderJames Established Member

AlexanderJames

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What helped me was that even though i hoped my ex gf would come back or reconsider hwer decision. Then i realised even if she did it would never work out and she was a fool for leaving me and i deserve better in my life. your best thing is to continue nc and move on with your life.

 

Thanks mate. I'm with you on that one.

I've already decided that if she comes back to me I will tell her that it's too late and we cant work. It's whats best for me :)

 

I think the hardest part about NC isnt the fact that your not talking to the specific person involved. But more the fact that you've gone from having someone who cant go a day without hearing from you to not speaking at all. It's the companionship and feeling that you are needed that makes it hard. But I'm not going to find that in her, Im just going to enjoy single life until someone worth of my affection steps into my life :)

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