thedave2019 Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Hi All, I don't normally do this, but this situation just has me so lost. I will attempt to make this as brief as possible. My ex fiance and I knew each other for 4 years, were together for 3.5 years, and I just asked her to marry me almost 3 months ago. She said yes and was extremely excited. I just turned 30 and she just turned 22 when got engaged. I've never met anyone more compatible with me. We both had the same tastes in activities for fun, we both had similar religious beliefs, political beliefs, we even had the same desire of living outside of a town, even what kind of houses we liked. Aside from career (and we both liked each others desired professions) we had almost everything in common. We talked every night for 4 years straight (minus the nights of a couple of surgeries), either by phone, skype, or text. It was amazing to think of marrying my best friend. We have been in a long distance relationship the whole time. I live in Ohio and she lives in Florida. When we first got together I came down to see her every 4-6 months, until she had a couple of minor surgeries that pushed that back once to almost a year. I went down to see her and her parents at the end of July last summer. Her parents loved me and I them. Things were still going so well her parents gave her the Christmas present of a plane ticket to see me in December for 3 weeks straight over Christmas and New Years. We saw each other again in March, this year, right before my birthday and when I asked her to marry me. Once she went back she started talking of missing me more and more. We always missed each other but this was more often. She is just finishing up her RN schooling, and my job is not the most stable. She wanted me to come down for her last year of RN school, but I couldn't swing it financially. We ended up deciding, with the help of her parents, that when she completed her RN, she would come up here. With her parents help she seemed very accepting and perfectly fine with it. Things went on as normal, with the usual bouts of missing me severely (as I missed her) and almost getting depressed over it at times, but I could bring her out. Last week we got into a big argument about missing me too much and how we deserved to be together after all this time. I told her there was just nothing I could do right now to make it happen. She almost tried to leave me over it but we decided to think on things. Again she talked to her parents about how she felt, and they asked her to be patient and work with me. So we talked about things. I said I would try to apply for work down there, and in the meantime, I'd try again to move down. Right when I was looking at moving down, my employer told me that things were more unstable, and I asked her for more time (august) to make the move (I can work remotely online). She reacted harshly and said "I just feel like now we'll wait until August and you'll still tell me you can't come down and I can't take the distance anymore". My response was that I would do all I could, and even come to visit every other month while we work on it. She said "how can we wait, and then I'd just have to leave you in a couple of months if you can't come down?". We finally agreed to talk about it in person before making a decision. I was supposed to come down this weekend even. Last weekend though, I talked about it to her again and let her know more about how unstable my job is... I didnt think it was right for her to spend all week not knowing just to hear it in person first. When I told her... she said she needed time alone to think, then contacted me the next day (last Sunday), and left me. We were open books, between my contact with her parents (her whole family was excited about our engagement), I can account for her time, and other details too private to mention, that I know there wasn't another guy. But now she's just done with me. She said she couldn't take the distance anymore, and that she would be too busy for us to have any time together if I weren't down there. Now, just days after she left, she's already talking to a guy. What do I do? She's cut off all contact. We only talked once and she cried talking to me and said she thought I was so amazing still but couldn't talk to me right now it was too hard. Between that and her talking to another guy... was she just in love with the fantasy? Im so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) Your job situation is what it is but I'm not getting it. Why exactly are you unable to engage in a job search for these many months? No blame intended it's just a curiosity. I also cannot imagine the in person visits occurring so infrequently. I think this girl is very young, must still live with her parents and has little independence. Why? Edited June 11, 2012 by Balzac Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 The distance can take its toll on people. I'm not going to say if she was interested in this guy or not, but meeting someone that quickly raises some flags. Do what is best for yourself to move on, as she has made it clear that is her path. If contacting her hurts then make no contact. Foster your own interests and work on self growth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedave2019 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 Your job situation is what it is but I'm not getting it. Why exactly are you unable to engage in a job search for these many months? No blame intended it's just a curiosity. I also cannot imagine the in person visits occurring so infrequently. I think this girl is very young, must still live with her parents and has little independence. Why? I was willing to look, and this was one of the things that sent her off the edge. I told her I'd totally look for work down where she is, but I asked if she'd still wait if it took a long time to find something down there. She initially thought I wasn't willing, but I was just trying to express concern in that if it took too long she wouldn't wait. She is 22. And she is living with her parents while she finishes up RN school. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I'm with Philo on this. The fact that she met someone so quickly after your breakup raises some red flags. Don't you feel odd about that? It makes me think that this person might be the reason for the breakup as you both have been long distance for all this time. No matter how much you 'think' you know someone, you don't know everything about them. Try to spend this time apart for reflection and see if this was really destined to work out. You seem like a really nice, loving guy who I'm sure would have on problem finding someone else more local to you. Long distance relationships are very difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Dude, she's kicking you to the curb so this talk about "needing time to think" translates into exploring this other dude while you're not around. Go NC. She'll contact you in the future as soon as the honeymoon phase with this new guy wears off. Just ignore her. She made this choice, not you. You're just enforcing her decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts