big bear Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 It all started 6 years ago. I was in my hometown with a beautiful girl. I moved to college to a different city and we used to see each other once in 3 months. During that time the girl I was dating had second thoughts about us as we were from different communities. At my college I had a real Kafkaesque experience and somehow or the other I fell in love with someone else. But I cared about the girl from my hometown too. So I was cheating on both of them. I started drinking too much and became a totally different person. After 2 years my hometown girl said goodbye to me and we decided to go our separate ways. I was anyways in love with the college girl. But the thing is once you put your foot in two boats, you are never the same. I used too really emotionally torture the college girl. Things went by broke with the college girl and came back. Then one day while casually browsing through her fone I saw a message I love u 2 to someone else. This wrenched my heart out. I confronted her a week later. Somehow we moved on. I know in my heart that we moved on because I was myself a cheater before and I was killing her emotionally with my drinking and shouting and emotional absence. Things went by but one fine day 2010 I felt I loved my ex. From that day on I kept pining for her. I begged her to take me back and started pestering her over fone since, I had moved to my college city permanently. And one fine day I told the college girl about my cheating but I told her I never had sex with the hometown girl while I was with her (This was a lie). Still in my heart I was fantasizing about hometown girl. October 2011 I said something horrible to the college girl and she broke up with me. 20 days later I see a mail in her inbox from someone reffering to her as "Love". It blew my fuse confronted her. She admitted to all that. We were technically broken up yet we talked almost everyday. Jan I told her that the not having sex thing was a lie. After I told her the truth suddenly all the fantasizing went away and I realised how much I love this girl. But by that time she had gone away. I begged her to come back but she refused. I did all crazy things but she did not budge. One day she told me she likes someone else too. I am faicng a lot of criticism at work and under a lot of stress (Not my fault entirley) but the thing is she used to still talk to me (I work in another country now where I do not get the language and foreigners are frowned on, since, I am the boss enforcing discipline has killed any chance of even sharing a drink with subordinates, and we have trouble communicating anyway) Last wednesday she said she did not want to speak to me anymore. Even I thought since, I have done everything in my hand to pursue her but she does'nt wanna come back it's time to let her be happy. I just have some questions? --> Why is that only I am feeling the pain, she too cheated twice. --> I am messed up I know and I think I love her. Is this true or I still being selfish. --> It's been 3 days of NC now. What do I do if she ever calls back. --> Is it wrong to want her to come bcak. Oh and wahtever happens I made a promise to myself never to call her again not out of arrogance, but because it makes her cry too much. Will the guilt I am feeling ever go away. I am 26 now.
Author big bear Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 Fast forward a few days. Called her up around midnight. She was sleeping so emailed her how I am sorry for everything and will try not to bother her. Next morning she calls sobbing and says why do you do this. This time I was sleeping. I said it was a weak moment and won't happen again after that everything got shut. Any advice anyone. What to do now? 5th day of NC today.
Philosoraptor Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 This was a very troubled relationship and it would probably be best for both of you to listen to her wise words and not make any contact. You'll only continue to hurt one another. If you want advice I would advise you to break away from this situation and start to foster your own interests. Grow as a person and learn from your mistakes so that you won't make the same mistakes with someone else in the future.
Recommended Posts