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Posted

Hi. First of all i want to thank all the ppl that do share the same idea of getting someone back because you simply believe this is the right thing to do.

First of all I want to introduce myself. My name is Jim. And my story (making it from long short... is this):

I was 24 at the 2nd year of merchant navy academy. I met her in WoW (yes the PC game and no we are not nerds ahaha). She has studies on piano (same as I) we listen similar kind of music and she is 2.5 years older than me. Her name: Kate. We flirt in a high level of humor leaving small windows to show to each other that this wasnt all humor but maybe somthing more. So... after 2 years... *i had some family issues and i was closed to myself... letting my relationship go on its own... She thought that she wasnt on my plans... (you know... 28-29... single girl... Bells are ringing "when am i gonna make a family... and is he the right one?" etc etc). She never ofc mentioned anything but I figured it out in some point (after break up). so at Xmas she asked me in tears to end it there cause she couldnt stand the fact that i might be gone to sea for a period. (that was the finishing blow since I didnt cared for our relationship for like 5 months or so). I went to my home city for Xmas and when i came back to the city the academy was... i came to find out that she moved on with someone else. What i have done from there... Is mistake after mistake. But since I want your opinion there they are:

-I called her repeatedly to ask her out to see each other at least to see how we doing...She replied to 3% of my calls only to tell me that it was over etc...

-I bought her 2 presents (1 for birthday excuse 1 for valentines day) and when she asked me why am i doing this i said because i like it and no more.

-I DID cried and some times she did as well. (when we were together she used to cry on my arms all the time..."you ll go to sea and i ll be here alone" etc etc

-I told her that we could make things right...

-I wrote her things... that made her emotional etc... (she did came to sleep one night in my house *no we didnt do anything else)

-Then we were start seing each other 1 time / week or something for like...20-30minutes... and she was all kisses and love and everything.

-Next day she didnt answer the calls and when she did it was only to tell me that i m tellin her the same things over and over again... etc...

-So... I came down to fight it on my own. Sadly i have no friends here and the last 2 months have been a bit hard. But I ll survive i think ahahah.

-So... after a call... i never called her back... and she did after 5 days... I Asked here if anything bad happened... and she said "why something bad has to happen for me to call you"...

-Now... i DO KNOW for a FACT she loves me... because i simply know it. in 1 week i have birthday.... The question is... Do i call her untill then? Do i wait for her to call me for happy birthday etc? (when it was her birthday i asked her to find 10minutes so i can wish her happy birthday and she said she couldnt find not even 1. So i dont really like the fact to call her or something.

 

I m the type of guy that will do ANYTHING for something that i trully believe its WORTH it... but i will COMPLETELLY abandon it if i reach point zero. Right now i am THAT close to point zero.

 

I really hope you can make sence of all this...

Sincerelly Jim.

 

 

Ah ye... at the call she made today (5 days after i cut every contact) i acted like i didnt care (and as a matter of fact i can say i was so pissed at myself so i forced myself not to care anyway) and she asked me in some point why i act like a showoff etc. and i told her i dont but i just dont give a toss since you took your decision... Now i m trying to take my own.When i was calling her she was like "ok you are fine lets dont talk more now bye bye" but when we had the chance to meet each other she was like... SO INTO me... and that drove me crazy

Posted

You're acting like you have no control and that will not help things. If she does contact you again you have to explain in a mature and calm manner what caused the issues of the past, how you can assure that they will no happen again, and what you would like to happen between the two of you. Explain to her that you are willing to go slow so you can rebuild a relationship from the bottom up.

 

But calm down as the way you have acted is no attractive nor does it say you are stable enough to hold down a relationship.

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Posted
You're acting like you have no control and that will not help things. If she does contact you again you have to explain in a mature and calm manner what caused the issues of the past, how you can assure that they will no happen again, and what you would like to happen between the two of you. Explain to her that you are willing to go slow so you can rebuild a relationship from the bottom up.

 

But calm down as the way you have acted is no attractive nor does it say you are stable enough to hold down a relationship.

 

 

Well the thing is after a bit i let her be alone (with the other guy... Yes she is on a rebound relationship) and she called me 5 days later to see how i was doing. I literally act like i was fine (and in some point i was) due to the fact if she cant understand simple things why would I. I m tired dragin everyone in my life forward. Anyway i tried to talk into sence when we were kinda talkin and it didnt worked. I m thinking that if she feels something deep down there she will make things happen. I think i reached the point Zero, and now i wont do a single thing about her/us. I dont know if that is right or wrong... (its propably wrong) but i cant act differently...

Posted

Then take a step back and just work on yourself for now. If she reaches out you can respond, if not you will at least start moving forward for yourself.

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Posted
Then take a step back and just work on yourself for now. If she reaches out you can respond, if not you will at least start moving forward for yourself.

 

 

Thing is... i know for a fact she is into me... she loves me etc... (or she wouldnt kiss me etc etc... while in this rebound relationship) but that gave her what she needed. Me. So i decided to step back and then she called me after 5 days or so. next sunday i have my birthday (she remembered) (tnx for your incoming wishes ahahha) and i acted like i didnt gave a toss (and i didnt as much as i used to, to be honest with you) I dont mind doing anything but when a certain point comes... then i step away like she is the worst thing on earth for me... and i m so close to that point... its really confusing... If she calls again before Sunday (or at Sunday) I really dont know what am I supposed to say...

Posted

I don't want to sound rude, or unsympathetic to your plight, but I have a hard time listening to you say you're confused, when you're willingly contributing to your own confusion.

 

I have a TON of compassion for your situation, but it sounds like you may be pouring gasoline on a grass-fire.

 

If she's with someone else at the moment, and she's kissing you, SHE'S confused.

That's not the behavior of a well-grounded, stable partner.

That sounds like a woman in a fairly seriously conflicted, chaotic state of mind.

And by keeping in steady contact with her, spending time with her, and kissing her, etc., you're just feeding into that chaos.

 

For my $.02, it sounds like she needs to make a decision.

 

And so do you.

 

And in my opinion, it sounds like those are decisions you both need to make on your own. Away from each other.

 

I think Philosoraptor is offering you some solid advice -- take a step back.

Get some perspective on things.

Allow this woman to sort through her fickleness and decide if she wants to commit to you or not.

And give yourself an opportunity to weigh whether or not you want to be with someone who's willing to divide her attention between two guys.

 

The situation may be salvageable, but I have a terrible feeling it's going to result in absolute disaster for everyone involved if it's allowed to keep spiraling out of control-- and as an outside observer, that's what it sounds like; out of control.

 

I really think someone needs to pull back and let things settle, or I think it's only going to produce more and more pain and confusion for all of you.

  • Like 1
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Posted
I don't want to sound rude, or unsympathetic to your plight, but I have a hard time listening to you say you're confused, when you're willingly contributing to your own confusion.

 

I have a TON of compassion for your situation, but it sounds like you may be pouring gasoline on a grass-fire.

 

If she's with someone else at the moment, and she's kissing you, SHE'S confused.

That's not the behavior of a well-grounded, stable partner.

That sounds like a woman in a fairly seriously conflicted, chaotic state of mind.

And by keeping in steady contact with her, spending time with her, and kissing her, etc., you're just feeding into that chaos.

 

For my $.02, it sounds like she needs to make a decision.

 

And so do you.

 

And in my opinion, it sounds like those are decisions you both need to make on your own. Away from each other.

 

I think Philosoraptor is offering you some solid advice -- take a step back.

Get some perspective on things.

Allow this woman to sort through her fickleness and decide if she wants to commit to you or not.

And give yourself an opportunity to weigh whether or not you want to be with someone who's willing to divide her attention between two guys.

 

The situation may be salvageable, but I have a terrible feeling it's going to result in absolute disaster for everyone involved if it's allowed to keep spiraling out of control-- and as an outside observer, that's what it sounds like; out of control.

 

I really think someone needs to pull back and let things settle, or I think it's only going to produce more and more pain and confusion for all of you.

 

 

Tnx for your thoughts m8. No offence taken dont worry. Yes she did told me she is confused. but after kisses and stuff i just couldnt step away. I hope u feel me. But sudendly one day after a short call i never called her for like 5 days... then she calls me back. I know she is into me... but i think i should ignore her untill she figures herself out. I dont wanna go out with her or kiss or make out or w/e else... untill she makes a decision. Thats why i havent called / text her for those 5 days untill she called me and havent called / text her since as well (its 3 days now) and i wont. I am just as confused (not to what i want... but if i want it with her...)

 

Tnx a lot guys for your opinions btw...

Posted (edited)
Tnx for your thoughts m8. No offence taken dont worry. Yes she did told me she is confused. but after kisses and stuff i just couldnt step away. I hope u feel me. But sudendly one day after a short call i never called her for like 5 days... then she calls me back. I know she is into me... but i think i should ignore her untill she figures herself out. I dont wanna go out with her or kiss or make out or w/e else... untill she makes a decision. Thats why i havent called / text her for those 5 days untill she called me and havent called / text her since as well (its 3 days now) and i wont. I am just as confused (not to what i want... but if i want it with her...)

 

Tnx a lot guys for your opinions btw...

 

I hear ya'.

 

Trust me, I can totally identify with how screwy your emotions can get when you love someone. It's like strapping your head to a paint-mixer.

 

It sounds like when you're able get away from the craziness and think things through, you *know* what the right move is.

When you've caught your breath and can gain some objectivity, it sounds like your head is telling you to give it some space to chill out.

 

Listen to your head right now.

Tell your heart to ride the bench for a little while.

 

If she really wants you, she'll get her sh*t together and commit to you.

 

But that's not going to happen as long as she's able to have it both ways.

Why would she give that up, if no one's calling her on it?

 

In all honestly-- I hope that having some time apart gives you the clarity to realize that this woman is bad news... but if this is what you really want, you're not going to win her heart by telling her it's cool to date two guys at once.

She'll never respect you if you keep demonstrating that you're willing to rent yourself out like a time-share.

 

I'm on your team, and I'd like to see you get what you want... but I'd seriously think twice about this lady.

 

I got a bad feeling about this one, dude.

 

From what you've said, she has "heartbreaker" written all over her.

Edited by rootless
  • Author
Posted
I hear ya'.

 

Trust me, I can totally identify with how screwy your emotions can get when you love someone. It's like strapping your head to a paint-mixer.

 

It sounds like when you're able get away from the craziness and think things through, you *know* what the right move is.

When you've caught your breath and can gain some objectivity, it sounds like your head is telling you to give it some space to chill out.

 

Listen to your head right now.

Tell your heart to ride the bench for a little while.

 

If she really wants you, she'll get her sh*t together and commit to you.

 

But that's not going to happen as long as she's able to have it both ways.

Why would she give that up, if no one's calling her on it?

 

In all honestly-- I hope that having some time apart gives you the clarity to realize that this woman is bad news... but if this is what you really want, you're not going to win her heart by telling her it's cool to date two guys at once.

She'll never respect you if you keep demonstrating that you're willing to rent yourself out like a time-share.

 

I'm on your team, and I'd like to see you get what you want... but I'd seriously think twice about this lady.

 

I got a bad feeling about this one, dude.

 

From what you've said, she has "heartbreaker" written all over her.

 

Ye of course I m not gonna give her myself while she has another guy thats over period. Can you plz give me your point of view when you say it has bad news written all over it for the future? I can see what you mean but maybe if i explain you some things after i can get your point or you get mine as well.

Posted
Ye of course I m not gonna give her myself while she has another guy thats over period. Can you plz give me your point of view when you say it has bad news written all over it for the future? I can see what you mean but maybe if i explain you some things after i can get your point or you get mine as well.

 

My big concern is that she's comfortable doing this at all.

 

I dunno if you two have slept together while she's with her current boyfriend, but the fact that she's willing to kiss you while she's dating someone else is a GIANT red flag.

 

HUGE.

 

I try pretty hard not to be cynical, and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but this woman is showing you that she's pretty comfortable with the idea of cheating.

 

And if she's kissing you while dating this other guy-- it's not out of the question that she'd do the same to you later on.

 

I just don't want to see you get stomped on.

 

And my intuition tells me she's lacing up her Doc Martins.

 

Please. BE CAREFUL.

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Posted
My big concern is that she's comfortable doing this at all.

 

I dunno if you two have slept together while she's with her current boyfriend, but the fact that she's willing to kiss you while she's dating someone else is a GIANT red flag.

 

HUGE.

 

I try pretty hard not to be cynical, and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but this woman is showing you that she's pretty comfortable with the idea of cheating.

 

And if she's kissing you while dating this other guy-- it's not out of the question that she'd do the same to you later on.

 

I just don't want to see you get stomped on.

 

And my intuition tells me she's lacing up her Doc Martins.

 

Please. BE CAREFUL.

 

 

Well at first it started like... its over... we dont need to talk any more about anything... then i manage to talk to her to explain her than while she had doubts of our future i was thinking solutions etc... and i found them... and then it took like 3 weeks from call No1 to actually kiss... but she is unsure and confused (thats what she told me) and she doesnt want to fool around the other guy.(she actually said that she cant see me anymore cause she doesnt like to fool someone that has absolutelly nothing wrong) To be fair m8... she told me (when things went a bit ok after breakup... that if i want to do something i should claim her. it was a joke... but not a joke completelly) and so I did... now its her turn. If she wants it she ll take it. If she doesnt she ll pass. Bad thing is that i put too much of my heart there cause i needed someone to handle from... i was tired going forward on my own no matter what the cost was... and thats what hurted me on our breakup the most... heheh i m writing to much i think no? :p lets propose the idea of skype convo help instead of forum one hahaahahahah. We ll "treat" ppl via skype ahahah

Posted
Well at first it started like... its over... we dont need to talk any more about anything... then i manage to talk to her to explain her than while she had doubts of our future i was thinking solutions etc... and i found them... and then it took like 3 weeks from call No1 to actually kiss... but she is unsure and confused (thats what she told me) and she doesnt want to fool around the other guy.(she actually said that she cant see me anymore cause she doesnt like to fool someone that has absolutelly nothing wrong) To be fair m8... she told me (when things went a bit ok after breakup... that if i want to do something i should claim her. it was a joke... but not a joke completelly) and so I did... now its her turn. If she wants it she ll take it. If she doesnt she ll pass. Bad thing is that i put too much of my heart there cause i needed someone to handle from... i was tired going forward on my own no matter what the cost was... and thats what hurted me on our breakup the most... heheh i m writing to much i think no? :p lets propose the idea of skype convo help instead of forum one hahaahahahah. We ll "treat" ppl via skype ahahah

 

Well, it sounds like you're determined to give it a shot.

 

Go slow, watch out for yourself, and let us know how it goes.

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Posted
Well, it sounds like you're determined to give it a shot.

 

Go slow, watch out for yourself, and let us know how it goes.

 

 

 

I will.. But i want someone to tell me his opinion whatever is good or bad on my thing cause i cant make up my mind...

Posted (edited)
I will.. But i want someone to tell me his opinion whatever is good or bad on my thing cause i cant make up my mind...

 

I'm typically a big sap, and I tend to think everyone deserves a second chance, but I've given you my honest opinion -- I think it's a bad idea to pursue this woman.

 

And if you choose to ignore that -- that's totally cool. Who knows? I may have my head completely up my ass.

 

I just know how horrible it feels to get worked over by an unstable partner, and I'd like to help a fellow human being avoid the same pain, if I'm able.

 

If this is something you feel like you need to do-- then I think Philo nailed it.

BACK AWAY FROM HER.

 

DO NOTHING.

 

Sit back and let her come to you.

 

Resist every impulse you have to call her, or text, or drive by her house, whatever.

Don't speak to her friends to get information about her.

Don't pester her family.

Don't surf her Facebook page.

Don't, in ANY way, encroach on her space.

Not even a little.

 

Just disappear for a bit, and work on your own issues while she works on hers.

 

It feels totally counter-intuitive, but the only way she'll come back is if you give her an opportunity to miss you.

Without any pressure, or influence from you, whatsoever.

 

It's got to be HER decision.

 

It sucks -- but all you can do is tend to your own business, and hope that her heart leads her back to you.

Edited by rootless
Posted
I'm typically a big sap, and I tend to think everyone deserves a second chance, but I've given you my honest opinion -- I think it's a bad idea to pursue this woman.

 

And if you choose to ignore that -- that's totally cool. Who knows? I may have my head completely up my ass.

 

I just know how horrible it feels to get worked over by an unstable partner, and I'd like to help a fellow human being avoid the same pain, if I'm able.

 

If this is something you feel like you need to do-- then I think Philo nailed it.

BACK AWAY FROM HER.

 

DO NOTHING.

 

Sit back and let her come to you.

 

Resist every impulse you have to call her, or text, or drive by her house, whatever.

Don't speak to her friends to get information about her.

Don't pester her family.

Don't surf her Facebook page.

Don't, in ANY way, encroach on her space.

Not even a little.

 

Just disappear for a bit, and work on your own issues while she works on hers.

 

It feels totally counter-intuitive, but the only way she'll come back is if you give her an opportunity to miss you.

Without any pressure, or influence from you, whatsoever.

 

It's got to be HER decision.

 

It sucks -- but all you can do is tend to your own business, and hope that her heart leads her back to you.

 

I agree completely and this is excellent advice. Walk away and see what happens. Good or bad, at least you will know how "they really feel" with their decisions. Conduct yourself accordingly keeping your own best interests in mind, not theirs.

 

In the meantime, life is short, live your life, have fun... don't wait for forever to come... it's happening right now.

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Posted
I agree completely and this is excellent advice. Walk away and see what happens. Good or bad, at least you will know how "they really feel" with their decisions. Conduct yourself accordingly keeping your own best interests in mind, not theirs.

 

In the meantime, life is short, live your life, have fun... don't wait for forever to come... it's happening right now.

 

 

Thing is.... If I decide to move on... I WILL move on... Even if my only wish in the world would be to be with her I will turn her down. Just for not puttin faith in me. and i WILL move on... For the moment i sit back keeping myself busy with other girls flirting a bit... and thats all... Cause i havent moved on yet... I m THAT close doing so though...

  • 2 weeks later...
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Posted

Shall i post the few news i have or this thread is like "Closed" so i shouldnt bother?

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