Meiso Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 Let's say a girl has feelings for a guy but is not ready to commit, and would prefer to stay as close friends. He has asked her out before and she has turned him down. He obviously cares because he's stayed through thick and thin and clearly cares about her. Let's also say the girl has taken the guys efforts/company for granted, and he ends up getting upset. In doing so he stops getting in touch with her. The ball is in her court so to speak. If this girl really cares will she keep calling? How long will it take for her to call again after getting the impression the guy is distancing himself? Will she pursue contact in person? If she gives up completely does this mean she never really cared about him? What kind of behaviour would be typical in this situation? Could stubborness get in the way? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 You are asking questions that are impossible for anyone to answer... I've read your earlier (mega) post on your situation and I think you would be better off deciding first what YOU want - only then will you know how to proceed and if the pain is worth it. Let's say a girl has feelings for a guy but is not ready to commit, and would prefer to stay as close friends. Are you happy with that? Is that what you want too? If you now want to be just 'close friends' on her terms - it's not her but you that has learnt the lesson through the separation. Since you are now ready to accept the relationship on her terms, call her up and explain that; you don't have to play the waiting game on that one. Remember thought that you are accepting that her previous behavior is now acceptable for you. You will have to live with the consequences. Only you can say if you can happily do that. How long will it take for her to call again after getting the impression the guy is distancing himself? How long is a piece of string? Who knows? Who knows if she'll ever contact you again. I don't know her but I do know that if you stopped contacting her to 'teach her a lesson' with every intention of starting up again with her when you felt your point had been made, you may well find yourself caught in your own trap. You've got to walk the walk - if you said 'over' you have to mean it. If you stopped contacting her because you found her behavior unacceptable and wanted to end the relationship or start one with a degree of commitment on her part in order for you both to pursue a romantic attachment then you'll have to wait until she comes round. If she never contacts you it means that your friendship is over. Sounds like you are suffering from the distance you've created and are asking us how long you have to continue to suffer before she caves in and begs you to come back to her... If she gives up completely does this mean she never really cared about him? No, it means that she doesn't want to pursue him on the terms available now. You don't have to re-write the story just accept the last chapter. What kind of behavior would be typical in this situation? This is love, there IS no 'typical' situation; if she is desperately in love she will contact you. If she is desperately in love but mixed up she might contact you. If she is not desperately in love she won't contact you. If she is not desperately in love and 'stubborn' you will never hear from her again. Again, I'd say instead of asking how long you have to wait - decide what you are waiting for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meiso Posted January 18, 2004 Author Share Posted January 18, 2004 Thanks for the awesome response. I know I made the right decision by cutting ties because I did it to get out of what I felt was an unhealthy situation. There was never any plan to eventually start things up after I thought I taught her a lesson or something. I guess I take some comfort knowing there is no time span on this, it was my decision and I stand by it. I guess I was just curious as to the maybe's and what if's. All I know is that each day that goes by I find things getting easier. Link to post Share on other sites
lau1247 Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 Well I had a similar experience. The thing is peoples sometimes change their mind so often that they can't stick to one situation. My thought would be distance yourself a bit, go with other people for a while, make yourself recognise by other. When she realise that you're gone, then she at this point she could possibly regret decision. A thing within reach is not what people want sometimes, they only want things they can't have like the forbidden apple in the garden of eden Link to post Share on other sites
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