wonder if it is too much to ask

[lattimershotgun]

K i have to ask this... Some of you might be familiar with my situation from previous posts. Anyways.. My girl and i are taking a break at her request and she has some valid reasons, she is going through a lot emotionally and a lot of personal problems she needs to deal with. We talk on occasion and i tell her i miss her when we do talk but she never says it back, she never once tells me she misses me or thinks about me during this time. I don't think that would be too much to ask. I know her mind is very busy right now and i feel for her but i don't think that is too much to ask, just a little reassurance that she still cares for me and thinks about me. i don't think that is unreasonable. Do you? It has been over a month since we have seen each other and she never once has said that to me. what should i do? just suck it up since i care for her and just hope all works out for her and I, or should i ask in a nice gental way if she misses me or htinks about me?

[yes]

i'd be very suspicious of this concept of taking a break to deal w/ emotional problems. why can't she be seeing you while dealing w/ 'em? why not complain to you and let you try to help out, by taking her mind off it if nothing else? this break idea would make me doubt about her feelings.

 

as for missing you ... naw, i wdn't ask. but i would call less, to make her miss me

 

good luck,

-yes

[Vivid_29]

I'm with yes on this one. Keep your contact with her to a bare minimum, but still be supportive to her feelings, when you do speak.

 

If you tell her that you miss her and she doesn't respond back, then stop telling her.

 

And yes, suck it up and drive on!

 

~V

[lattimershotgun]

Yep you are right "YES" I know that is how i feel, alot of the women on this board seem to think that she has a right to want to get through her problems by herself, but deep down it makes me think she doesnt care as much for me since she donest want to invovle me in her problems. She wont even tell me her diagnosis, all iknow is that she is having fiertility problems and that they saw spots on her ultra sound and she had some biopsys but she wont tell me teh results, she says she dsoent want to bring her probelms into my life. Makes me suspicious...

[thenewguy]

I agree with everyone else. I think the emotional problems thing is just a cop out. I am guessing that you always initiate contact with her. Don't tell her you miss her anymore or say anything about your feelings. I would quit contacting her. Let her miss you. I think that would throw her for a loop. Right now there is no mystery to you. She knows she can have you whenever she wants.

[lattimershotgun]

This is what she originally told me after she flipped out one night while we were seeing each other

 

XXXXXX: hey babe i just wanted to appoligize for last nite

 

XXXXXX: are u there???

 

XXXXXXX: i guess not

 

XXXXXXX: well im really sorry. i have dooo much goin on these past few weeks

and a ton more stuff going on in the next couple and i just havent been happy!!!

i know htat i told u that i dont handle people dying well but im sure u didnt

realize that it was this bad did ya....lol! and i am just really stressed cause

i know i failed this class bc i talked to my instructor and i have my 3.8 in my

lecture part but my lab i am one point from what i am supposed to be. i was

thinking about dropping the class but im not a quiter and it just gets to me

because i feel like i failed and i hate that feeling exspecually since i am

already down about other things.

 

XXXXXX: next friday if u want to hang out that would be cool but i dont think

i am going to stay the nite. i wasnt kidding about getting some breathing

room....mostly for me. its not u so please dont take it personal, but i need to

get thru this stuff right now and pretty much just make it thru a nite where i

dont cry myslef to sleep.

 

XXXXXX: u know when i had all that eatting stuff going on a long time ago i

had to talk to a psychologist and when i told her that i sometimes i would tkae

my anger out on people i didnt mean to she told me that sometimes its not

directed at the person u want or need it to be directed at but the person that

you k now can take it and will still love u in the end. i kinda feel like that

is how it is with u. somehow u always get at that point where i want to blow up

and i end up taking it out on u and i am soooo sorry i do that. its very had to

explain but i know u know that i am a pretty open perosn. i would rather talk to

someone than just sit there and shut up about it all. that is how i have to be

with my mom. i really cant tel her what i think or feel becuase she blows up and

all of a sudden ****s hitting hte fan and i have to pay for it even though she

is always telling me to tell her things and whats on my mind.

 

XXXXXXX: a lot of my anger is toward my mom right now and since i pretty much

have to shut up and deal with it i havea tendency to come in my room and blow up

at u and again i am super sorry for everytime that i do that to u

 

XXXXXXX: i know its not fair and i will try not to lash out at u.....unless im

pissed at u.....lol

 

XXXXXX: and i guess already being irritated for the past 2 weeks i think that

that is why i got soooo even more irrirtated that u would call so much. but im

not saying smuther away babe....lol....i do need a little space and its not

becuase i odnt like u its becuase im sooo vulnerable right now that i dont wnat

ot keep hurting u by lashing out at u when i really dont mean to.

 

XXXXXX: i dont think u can understand how horrible i felt about last nite

 

XXXXXX: i cried all nite becuase i felt like such a bitch and i know i was so

please dont tell me i wanst....and for that fact please dont agree with me

ither....lol.....i know i was!

 

 

XXXXXX: anywyas i am going to go take my shower and then i will be off to

work. i just had to tell u i was sorry and try to explain as much of the way i

have been acting to u.

XXXXXX: ill be around later on tonite if u want to talk.....i have a lot of

studying i have to do so i will call u if i get a chance.

XXXXXX: i hope htat u havea good day and again i am really sorry about

everything these past couple of weeks!!! i know they couldnt have been easy for

u

[dario]

I'm very repetitive. My ex did the same to me. Said that she had some stuff to deal with and had to do it alone. Wanted space. Then called it quits. I thought that part of a realtionship was communication between two people to work these things out. This has broadsided me. A friend of mine told me that this was an unacceptable excuse...I don't know...every decision must be respected. But then, ofcourse, the recipient of the blow analyzes and is left waiting in pain.

 

Space over issues to deal with requires talk in my opinion...between the couple. Emotional stuff requires talk. Because in the end...someone is left hanging...someone who desperately wants to help but 'can't'.

 

Eventually my ex called to see how I was...there was joy in her voice. New job/credit card paid off for the new year etc. A new year without me. And, I'm sorry to all those who have helped me, but , yes, this has sent me on a spin (don't mean to let you down). I feel somewhat betrayed and I can't tell her anything for fear that she will consider me weak.

 

Asking for space is one thing - it should always be respected. But when the reason, or reason given, is issues to deal with then one is left in an agonizing limbo. Whilst the other person is 'recovering' the fallen is being crucified.

 

Such is the way.

[lattimershotgun]

I completly feel how u feel and i dont want to end up having her jsut leave me. I know she has stuff to deal with and i geuss eveyreon deals wiht stuff differently but i dont hitnk putting me aside to handle her problmes is fair to me. It makes me feel like she doenst care about me that much.

[Marty_McFly]

How long ago did she write you that message?

 

I'm not usually very good at this stuff, but my take on it is that this really is a legitimate "give me some space" situation. From the message, it sounds like she really is going through a lot right now, and also she's feeling a little guilty that she's not able to give you the attention that you're wanting. I would think the "no contact" rule doesn't apply here so much, as long as the contact is positive, non-intrusive, and unpressured. It seems the occasional phone call is ok, as long as it's just to see how she's doing and not to ask her over or to go out somewhere. Also, I would think little things here would have a better payoff, like an occasional card to let her know you're there for her if she needs anything, or even one of those internet cards you can send. As long as they're lighthearted, I think she would appreciate knowing that you're there. If the message you posted truly is the representative of all you're conversations, then it appears there's not any anger she needs to get over or anything like that, and that she does love you, so just being there for her is probably the best you can do.

 

That's just my opinion.

[dario]

Marty McFly does speak the truth with his message. Because from her message...her thoughts comes across as genuine. Maybe I'm just speaking about my situation which is relative to myself...whereby the person uses the 'needs space due to personal reasons' as more of a cowards way out instead of saying, 'hey, I just don't want to be with you anymore. The novelty has worn off.'

 

This woman does show genuine concern re: her message to you. If my ex had written me like that I would be more understanding of her...well, more accepting of the severed ties.

 

What she wrote is actually quite beautiful.

[lattimershotgun]

Well i haevnt talked to her in like a week, i am going to give it another week to see if she calls me if she dosnt i will send her a light hearted card to help her cheer up. I wasnt so accepting of the fact she needes space for liek the first coupel weeks and i feel horrible aobut it and i wish i coudl jsut tell her i am sorry or do somehting to show i am sorry.

[dario]

I think we all do things in the 'heat of the moment' and not accepting her request for space is just one of those things. You vented, you did whatever you did. If you feel the need to apologise for this...(ofcourse you feel it) then I think you should after a little time. We all make fools of ourselves...especially when the reason for space is one that we feel that we should contribute to...that is helping someone we genuinely care for.

 

With me, I just felt that I was cut out because she had problems...making me feel like I was a part of the problem if she had problems to deal with. Confusing, yes. For me....it was an excuse (as mentioned) to obtain space which lead to the inevitable break-up because she said 'she thought a realtionship would make her happy and it did not etc.' I knew it was coming.

 

Again, your situation seems different. Her words to you are sincere. That's the main thing.

[lattimershotgun]

She just Imed me yesterday for trhe first time in like 2 weeks saying sorry her computer has been down adn she siad sorry she hasnt been on to tlak to me. she said "miss ya " so i assume that is good even though she ddint put a lovey dovey "i miss you so much" or nayting liek that. ok ok regardless we talked for like an hour and she seemd happier i coudol tell she seemd to be doing alright i appologized for being a dick and not understanding she neded space before. she agreed i was a dick and left it at that, we contined ot tlak she seemed friendly to me and we got along well. the hting is though is that she never hinted at wanting anyting or anyting with me anymore even though that was what she orginally wanted. she orignally wanted to get back after she had her break.. but i wonder if me being so resilient to the break at first made her get pushed away more and she is still annoyed iwth that. basically i wonder if i pushed her away to farrr. because now i try to respect her but i wonder if it is too little to late. I kinda want to explain to her that , she is my second relationship ever, i know i am 22 and most people have a couple gf's by now but i never dated anyone in highscool and only kinda dated someone before this girl, this was the closest thing to a girl i have ever had. I dont want to lose her and i kinda wish i could explain that i am still new to this **** kinda, i do feel bad by the way i reacted but i had never delt with a girlfreind before and i wonder if she fully understnads that she wil be more undrestading and give me a second chance. irght now i have no clue waht she wants, i jsut dotn want her to string me along. i woudl rather have her tell me straight up, i jsut think i fucekd up during our break and it made her too annoyed.