Ex Fiancee with new guy....My Story....Need thoughts, s and

[Baxton]

We had been dating for 3.5 years. We had a pretty strong relationship, making it through long distance for a period and some other issues. She did break up with me once before at the one year mark after we went through something pretty bad together. She started dating someone else almost immediately, someone she met at school while I was working 10 hrs away.. She was upset at first, seems like only for a day, told me she needed space and blah blah. I didnt find out about the other guy for awhile So I did the typical begging and ruined my life for a period of two months, embarrassing!! During this time she refused to respond or would respond with a "I thought I told you to F*%# Off" or tell me how amazing the new guy was and how he worshiped the ground she walked on,but with little self respect or self confidence I continued pining after her for another few weeks. I was in such bad shape that it not only consumed me but the people in my daily life as well, not good!!! So I finally go no contact two weeks go by and I get an I'm sorry I miss you email. Now this whole time I had romanticized her and us. She was the most beautiful girl in the world, I would never be loved like she loved me, I would never have fun like the fun we had. So what do I do I respond to the I miss you email somewhat....no very eagerly. Long story short we end up in Nashville for a weekend talk through things and in a month she is on her way back down to live with me.

 

Things are great, I have a good job, we have our own place she is giving and I am giving we are happy our plans are on the same page. We begin to talk about getting engaged. Actually she was hinting that that's what she wanted, and I wanted to be with her and make her happy so I bought a ring. And apparently I'm not a good hider because she found the ring and asked me if THAT is what I was going to propose with. Dumbfounded, hurt yes. Discouraged no. So now I can't propose with that ring, I go get one that is twice as expensive bigger shinier. I propose she accepts we are engaged.

 

Fast forward another. 8 months. I work as a contractor so when a job ends its time to start looking for a new one. Good money, crappy lifestyle. So we pack up and leave town and move back to her hometown which is about three hours from where my family lives this way we can spend time with both family's. Things start off ok, I'm looking for work. Then we have my dads b day and both her parents bdays within 5 days of each other. We end up missing my dads because she wants to see her parents on both their bdays and doesn't want to spend the time in the car to travel up to see my dad . Pretty good Christmas, pretty good new years we did have fun together.

 

Now our problems really begin. First of all she is very up and down bi polar maybe idk When she is up she is amazing, when she's down well it's not good. I feel like her cycle is unpredictable and any given week could weigh heavier towards either up or down. Very confusing and very difficult to manage but I did my best. She always seems to have an issue with someone. Either her parents didnt treat her as good as her sister, they sent her sis to school but not her, or her sister was taking advantage of her, or her friend was a beyotch or i was doing something wrong. I would always tell her that everyone isn't out to get you but that made her feel that I wasnt on her side. So that was tough. On top of which her sis actually did marry some one with an $80 million plus trust fund and lived a ridiculous lifestyle that she nor I could ever keep up with. The wedding alone was $2 million

 

Then her and my mom started to not get along. Mainly because my fiancée was rude to my mother and I'm not sure why. My mom goes out of her way to make her comfortable and she just gives off the general feeling that she wants nothing to do with my family and spends most of the time visiting my parents with a "headache" in our room. She even made a huge deal about the fact my aunt died and her funeral ended up on my fiancées birthday. She was so upset that she had to go to a funeral on her bday. Even though I took her to a Cubs game right after the funeral to do something fun for her. She always complained about that. Is that normal? Got to the point where I stopped talking to my family because she hated them. She told me that my mother would never see our kids and that she would never be invited to our wedding. And somehow she started to believe my brother was a jerk and said she hated him too

 

Then the wedding. We started planning right after I left my job. I bought her a dress and set her up with an account that had 3000 in it to get started but I talked to her about it and wanted to wait until I started working again to pick a date and put down deposits. We had no idea where we would be in 6 months and I had money put away for us to survive but a huge wedding would be stretching it with no income. So she was okay with that but wasn't. Turns out took me a year to find a job and now she says I never wanted to marry her or I would have already. And that I knew she wanted to be married by the time she was 26 and now she is almost 27. Not to mention the few times she tried to give the ring back and tell me that ring had to many bad memories and I could ask her to marry me with a new ring if I wanted. Anyways.....

 

Real quick she was always on me about getting her a car. I know she needed one and I wanted to help her but the only one she would take was a brand new camaro and I didn't want to do that right away so she would throw that in my face everyday how I didn't care about her and how was she supposed to get around. Not to mentioned that she never worked the entire time we were together I completely supported her yet she would always tell me how I did nothing for her. I even gave her a debit card

 

So 3-4 months ago she breaks up with me...I beg she takes me back same night 2 months ago same thing. I could tell it was coming every few weeks from that point on. She would go crazy and freak out. Say horrible things that I still can hear her saying in my head, called me a deadbeat, told me my brother slept with my ex and that I should hate him. But I would shake it off. I didn't want to lose her. She could be sweet and she was beautiful, to me at least, and i liked being around her most of the time. She needed me it was nice. Finally I got to the point where i spent two weeks contemplating how to get out, what was my escape plan. What I decided was that I loved her and would do what it took to make this work. So I decide that over thanksgiving I am going to try and smooth things over with Her and my mom. I go to my parents on my own work things out. She knew my plan and agreed with it, till i got there and then she couldnt believe how i could ditch her on thanksgiving When I get back something is off. After three or four days she flips out and tells me to get out. She says that we are done, mean stuff, mean stuff, that I have hurt her soo much, there is so many bad times in our past and that she isnt in love anymore. Actually rips up all the cards letters pictures she has so us and throws tries to throw them in my truck I pack my stuff and leave, I head back home to my parents for now.

 

Next day I get sympathy texts from her telling me how sorry she is. How she wants this to end on good terms for a reason. How maybe we can try again in 6 months or a year. Then she says her sister, best friend and a good guy friend that she used to date has been helping her through this. She continues to text all day every day for a week. Sends pictures tells me what she has been up to. Randomly on the weekends she doesn't respond usually after she has said, hey I, spending the day with so and so. Hmm I'm not dumb she is with this guy. I asked her about him she says they are just friends. Then weekend is over everything goes back to normal. Happens for two weekends. Finally I send her a nasty text telling her I can't talk to her, be her friend, be halfway on her life or help her with whatever she needs help with. She responds with

 

" don't be mad because x is so cute, ripped and has been f'ing me so good. Did I mention how big his dick is...my own Greek god. Btw we are dating. The other day when we were having sex x told me how he wanted to have my baby and how good I would look pregnant it was so hot....you have lots of problems but my only problem is deciding what date I'm gonna marry x this summer"

 

My jaw dropped and it was like a hot knife through my chest. I still remember it word for word. This is two weeks after we broke off our engagement. So I say well at least you have a dress. Thats it. Two days later being a huge wussy I text her to apologize. She says sorry for being mean but you were being mean first and I just reacted. She says I just want you to be there when I need something a vice versa. And we sort of went back to texting. Me trying to figure out what she was doing all the time. I felt like everytime she didn't respond she was with him. I continued to beg and plead she continued to give minimal to nothing in return. But then sometimes text out of the blue hey I'm doing this and then keep in touch telling me about it then other times nothing. I would ask her if we could get back and she would say Im not saying never but not right now. You can't give me what I need which is a fresh start. Christmas day I beg a little and then i tell her I'm not a back up plan, I'm all they way in or all the way out. She says your not my plan at all. Begin NC, now she did text me yesterday 2 days after Xmas 2 days nc and says, I know this is random but are you sending me my stuff, I have a few things of hers, I reply after a few hours. "sorry out to dinner, I'll send your stuff, have a good night" now no more contact after 24 hours.

 

Ok so writing this was a good idea. Obviously we had lots of good times too. But I guess I can see she wasn't the best, but neither was I. I had my own issues which I don't believe wew out of the ordinary I mean we all have issues. So I fully expect everyone who can make it through my story to cyber slap me and call me names. And I know things weren't great and logically she is bad news. I even feel a little relieved after writing this. But I still love her. I still hurt when I think of her. I still long to be with her. It hurts to know she is with someone else. I still feel like most of you who are here . Right now I am going to keep up NC for me yes. It is so much easier to get through a day without them talking. Aside from that short lived high I get right after we talk it is just bad news. I wish I could say I was doing it for myself, but I know that I have alterior motives, that I want her back. But I 100% understand that we both need to grow and heal if it was ever to work.

 

So help...what are your thoughts comments? What is she thinking? How do I let her go? How do I get her back? Is this guy just someone she latched on to out of her desperation?

[Desensitized]

Baxton,

 

She has some maaajor isues, bro. Be glad you got rid of her because she is a grade A tramp. Go strict no contact and forget her. I can't believe she told you about how her new boyfriend f's her good. That alone would be enough for me to never speak to her again!

 

How do I get her back?

Please tell me you are joking -.-

I know you are hurting right now, but please, try and get her out of your head! She is no good for you; she is trash. She has some nuts and bolts missing from her brain.

[Baxton]

Thanks Desensitized, I wish I was joking but I can remember that like it happened five minutes ago...word for word.

[Chi townD]

" don't be mad because x is so cute, ripped and has been f'ing me so good. Did I mention how big his dick is...my own Greek god. Btw we are dating. The other day when we were having sex x told me how he wanted to have my baby and how good I would look pregnant it was so hot....you have lots of problems but my only problem is deciding what date I'm gonna marry x this summer"

 

 

 

Anytime you feel like calling, texting or e-mailing this crazy chick. STOP!!!! Come back here and read the quote you wrote!

 

That is a level of disrespect that can't go unchecked!!! The next thing she'll do is send you a video of her and this guy. THAT ISN'T LOVE!!!!! That is utter disrespect!!! Dude, get a spine and let this chick go!!!! You deserve sooooo much better. And you will find it. You have to let her go first! Total NC from this point out.

 

Not to make her miss you, not to get her wondering what's going on in your life, not to deflate her ego, and definately not to get her back!

 

NC to move on and heal.

[Baxton]

Hey ChitownD. I know thats exactly what I need to do and thats what I'm going to do......For some reason her being a huge bitch doesn't make that feeling go away in my chest or the thoughts of her being with that other guy any easier. Actually, while I was writing this she just text me. 2 days NC text from her, no response. Now 4 days NC text again. She is saying that "Was wondering about a few things, dog stuff and etc, text me when you get a chance please (she has our dog until I get moved into my place) So I deleted the text and will not text her back. I know its not true but I still have that little glimmer of hope that she wants me back...Lame!!!

[wilsonx]

how old is she, young 20s?

[Baxton]

I'm 31 she is 26. So now I'm thinking about her last text. What did she want? Just had questions? Just wanted to communicate? Change of heart starting to emerge?

[wilsonx]

Honestly, you need to sit this one out for a while, you are hurting. I can give you an outsiders view of this entire situation and you are not going to like it at all. Your relationship with her right now is toast. Theres too much resentment and wrong doing on both sides to make this work. Both of you need space from each other.

 

I am not going to lie either she was a bitch with the dick comment, that was an extremely low blow. Thats my only negative comment about her though. She told you why she did it that you were mean to her and I agree with it reading the story but that comment is still a bitch comment and I would have probably slapped her in real life (I have never hit a woman before too).

 

She's not bipolar by the way, she's just immature and she will grow out of it.

[Baxton]

I agree this relationship is over, maybe another one a long time from now may be possible but not now. I appreciate the comment wilsonx and I actually don't dislike it. I know it is the truth.

 

But I don't think you read the whole post or your a better man than me if the only negative you pick up on about her is that one comment.

[wilsonx]

I wouldnt say I am a better man,

 

I see a Boy and a Girl trying to communicate with each other. One speaks English and the other speaks Chinese.

 

This is what I see. So what do you do when communication breaks down like it has in this relationship, you do crazy kid things to try to get each others attention because the communication is just not there.

 

I can offer you advice on you learning how to speak chinese in the future and maybe in talks with your ex. Buy this book

 

"For Him Only" Look on amazon or your local book store, its amazing trust me.

Edited December 30, 2011 by wilsonx

[harvej]

Yours is unbelieveable. What she has said and done will never be forotten and will be the root of all future issues with her. I actually thought that perhaps her f buddy sent it until she admitted it. I know i took a lot of s*** BUT THAT WAS WAY GHETTO!! You must stay NC forever dude! Give her the dog, dont ever reply or speak to her again. Cyberstalking, opening her text, drive bys etc... These are not considrered NC, so everytime to take her text and do this stuff, you start over your NC, and the healing starts over. YOU LOSE IF YOU CHOOSE TO CONTACT HER. I would strap on a JATO rocket and get out of there as fast as you can. Running isnt even fast enough! The best revenge which you WILL want eventually, is being happy and successful. Staying NC will drive her insane if that helps, but wont if YOU pine for her and she knows you are not a challenge. Damn that was unreal to read! You are shell shocked son, or you would feel like us. Take Wilsons advice, get away asap and stay away asap. He has a cooler had than most, but I think any of us would dumped her cold turkey today unless we had shared custody of kids, and I would even reconsider NC if that were the case given her mean spirited text. Remember, with women, its about class and character. Would you ever be proud to introduce her to anybody as a classy lady WITh good character?.

thats what finally made me think how lucky I was to be rid of her even though SHE dumped me for another man. I have even felt sorry for him, but hey, he didnt feel sorry for me when I was sick and he was banging her behind my back, so again, the best revenge is doing well in life and ridding yourself of hate. Damn, I cannot believe she wrote that stuff. Damn! Whats a 名 妓女;男娼;钱奴

[wilsonx]

harvej you are overreacting. shes is a class A bitch but shes not a horrible person. Remember there's only one side to this story being told, if you can't look at this same story from her perspective, then you unbiasedly judging her.

 

The biggest problem with this relationship is a FUNDAMENTAL breakdown in communication and emotional security. This is what happens in all relationships when this occurs.

[Baxton]

Harvej,

 

Thanks man, sometimes it is nice to have your own feelings validated with someone elses comments. It does make it easier to let go.

 

Wilson,

 

I appreciate your POV. However, in this case she is crazy. I mean she told me to take back the engagement ring I originally bought (and it wasn't a cheap $3000 one either), I offered to buy her a car but she didn't want it unless it was a $40000 Camaro, she hated my family for no apparent reason, threatened to not allow my mother to come to our wedding or ever see our children if we had them, forced me to cease communication with my family with the penalty of ending the relationship.

 

In my book she is not a good person. I don't believe that this is all a result of immaturity, I have dated immature girls before. And her sense of entitlement is unbelievable. I'm not perfect but my imperfections were no where near the same level as hers.

 

So your right we do speak two different languages:

 

Mine - English

Hers - Martian

 

Good Luck to anyone being able to speak to her.

[wilsonx]

Baxton,

 

Those things that she listed, they are all boundary tests that you failed because you didnt stand up for yourself. She can't trust someone that doesnt have a core truth in them. She doesnt want a 40k dollar camaro she wants you to put her in her place and say no i love you and im buying you this car

 

You are putting all the blame on her and none on you, you right you do speak 2 separate languages, why not learn to speak hers? Are you too good?

 

I could handle your ex without even flinching

[Baxton]

Good luck with that....Ill send you her number and we can talk in a year.

 

FYI ... I did give her a car....which she refused to drive because it wasn't brand new. She just really wanted a brand new car. It was a 3 year old Acura TL, not some piece of junk that was going to break down on her way down the street, poor girl.

 

But I do plan on reading up on what you recommended not for her though but for my next relationship.

[wilsonx]

Well Good Luck to you, you should post here after you read that book on your impression of it and your view of your post, Id like to see it