stu1234 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Year and a half down the pan don't know what I can do. We love eachother and trust eachother but we are no longer together. She has financial problems which I helped out with a lot, she doesnt attend uni, she doesn't go to the gym so she puts on weight and feels insecure. It seems from my opinion that I was the good thing in her life. I treated her like a queen breakfast in bed meals wherever she wanted I made her feel loved but ended up suffocating her. She said a week ago she needed space and I sort of fobbed it off but now she is serious. She wants to be alone, does not want a relationship. She says she needs to sort out her problems because she is in a rut and when I asked if she still had time for me in her life she said not right now. I know the next step for me is NC and I am now one WHOOOLE DAY into it and already feeling like ****. Bought her Christmas presents last week but that won't bring her back. The beauty of life this one is, you can't make someone love you. My question is do you feel like the better you treat them, the worse they treat you? When we were first together I neglected her and she loved me so much and wanted it back. Then I let her know how much she meant to me. I enjoyed coming back to her and we spent 5-6 nights a week together for a year or so. Now nothing. Completely gone. I gave her everything she wanted when we were first together.
wilsonx Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 One of the things you need to look at is a persons happiness Theres a term I like to use here is what you are in this relationship "Captain save a hoe" There are good people out there that want to be treated the way you treat them. But you were an enabler. You kept giving and giving and giving and she kept taking and taking and taking and not returning anything. Relationships are about 50/50 give take or well within that range. That being said, you are not responsible for someone else's happiness. You are not responsible for always cheering them up. That's there job. They are responsible for their own happiness. A relationship should be about 2 people that compliment each other, not one that supplements the other like you were. With all this being said, get your money back for that christmas present because shes interested in another guy. I hate to be blunt but that's what "I need space means"
lymtal1 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 stu, how old is she? there are many of us that have been through the same and have asked the same question. you seem to know what you have to do next. let her be as anything you do right now will run her off further. also you want to look strong and not weak no matter how you feel.
mike588 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Year and a half down the pan don't know what I can do. We love eachother and trust eachother but we are no longer together. She has financial problems which I helped out with a lot, she doesnt attend uni, she doesn't go to the gym so she puts on weight and feels insecure. It seems from my opinion that I was the good thing in her life. I treated her like a queen breakfast in bed meals wherever she wanted I made her feel loved but ended up suffocating her. She said a week ago she needed space and I sort of fobbed it off but now she is serious. She wants to be alone, does not want a relationship. She says she needs to sort out her problems because she is in a rut and when I asked if she still had time for me in her life she said not right now. I know the next step for me is NC and I am now one WHOOOLE DAY into it and already feeling like ****. Bought her Christmas presents last week but that won't bring her back. The beauty of life this one is, you can't make someone love you. My question is do you feel like the better you treat them, the worse they treat you? When we were first together I neglected her and she loved me so much and wanted it back. Then I let her know how much she meant to me. I enjoyed coming back to her and we spent 5-6 nights a week together for a year or so. Now nothing. Completely gone. I gave her everything she wanted when we were first together. My ex. never treated me bad, I did alot for her (maybe to much) but I wasn't a door mat or follow her around kissing her feet and being a "yes man". We spent 3,,, 4 days/nights together. I wanted some space and gave her space too,,I felt it was important that we not spend every moment together fearing we would get "burnt out" on each other and it's nice to miss and have your other miss you also. One of my few regrets now is maybe I shouldn't of done so many sweet things for her,,,, making her feel beautiful, loved, cherished and how much she meant to me. It also didn't help that she was still in love with her ex.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Stu, it doesn't necessarily mean she is interested in another guy.....Every situation is different. She may have just lost interest and doesn't have the backbone to tell you just that.
Author stu1234 Posted December 8, 2011 Author Posted December 8, 2011 In answer to an earlier question we are both 20 years old, both have had one previous relationship neither went that well. Really do believe even now when she is clearly pushing me away that me and her have a future. I did ask her if there was another guy I said that I'd rather she was honest. On Monday she said she did not think it was fair on me to wait around while she sorts her life out. I said that if I had problems in my life I would want her support to get through them but she said she needs to do this on her own. She needs her independence back so she says because she relies upon me so heavily. I told her I would wait and it was against her wishes because she did rather bluntly say she doesn't know how she feels but she may never want me back. We did break up for around a week 9-10months into the relationship and she told me that she ddnt feel right to be with anyone else. I said to her that we split for a while before and got back together she simply said that it was different then. I am clutching straws as I know it is right to move on in this situation. I will give her the Christmas presents but I know it would be foolish to think that this will win her back. Christmas is still over 2 weeks away I'm sure she will know what she wants more by then. I would imagine if there has been NC for that period of time that it was over for good.
fetish1980 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 If a person has financial problems, that is definitely a black hole in the relationship that will suck both of you in. I'm not necessarily saying that you should bail on a person if they have some, but both of yu have to have the same level of committment to making it better. Just watch the behavior patterns of the other person: If they're always overdrafting their account, having to borrow money, spending money frivolously, or has an addiction, those are all signs that show a person might be a danger. Your girl doesn't really sounds like she has much control of her life right now. It's good that she realizes that and is willing to let you go rather than hold you hostage to helping her pay her debts off. You should look at it as her setting you free. I do believe that there is such thing as treating a person "too good". If you treat them too good and submit to their every demand, they don't have any reason to return the favor, thus doesn't leave much room for the relationship to go but downhiill. Eventually, the person giving their all will start to feel resentment towards the other person who's lacking and things fall apart anyway. fetish
lymtal1 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 syu, sorry you are having to deal with this. please read the following thread. it may shed some light on where she is. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/
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