This really hurts- right person, wrong time.

[jenjen87]

Hi all,

 

This is the first time I have ever posted on a forum. my (recently) ex boyfriend told me there a good place for advice and I have never needed advice as much as I do right now.

 

Background- he and I have been best friends for years. When I first laid eyes on him I was nearly 17 and going out with someone else but instantly felt attracted to him. Over the next 5 years I was with the other person but we continued to feel the spark of chemistry that was always there. He went away to train on the other side of the world and we kept kinda in touch-regular emails etc. in the months coming up to him returning home i began to think about him (and knew my relationship with the other person was over) we met up and things just went from there.. he said he was always thinking about me whilst he was away too. we fell in love very quickly and it was deep and special and a love I didnt know I was capable of (considering how I had always felt about my previous ex). anyway approx 1 year after we got together he got a job where he had to move a plane ride away. he didnt want to take the job at first because it was moving away from me (among one or two other things) , after he moved and we have been commuting every 2 weeks one way or the other. which has been difficult but i felt it was ok. He has now been away 8months and in the last 6-8weeks he had become more selfish and self consumed and saying he needed to move even further away for his career.

 

Last week- he returned home to break up with me. stating reasons such as "i can see my whole life with you, getting married and having children but not the next few years" and that he was tired of travelling, it was hindering him settling him. I was starting to come to similar conclusions- moving even futher away to a place with a language barrier was always going to be difficult and I have a very busy job too, so I agree. speaking to him since he said he doesnt feel mature enough to settle down and he needs to go and do this and have a lifestyle where he doesnt have to consider another person. I totally understand but I really really believe this man is my soul mate. He turned me from a women who only cared about her career to one who wanted both career and life and is a wonderful and like-minded ambitious person and I understand why he needs to do this.

 

My question and is how I move on?- im literally heart broken. i think its best for me to be just me for a while to- I could do with finding myself again because I have become lost putting so much effort into this relationship. But, do I wait? Should I wait? Do I need to just actually get on with life and see what happens?

 

people keep telling me we will both move on but I really do believe that he is my one and unfortunately 24yrs old and with both of us at the dawn of two different but amazing careers, this has meant we cant be. but I dont know it this will change?

 

Has anyone experienced anything like this?? will he come back when he'sn sorted his life out and grown up a bit? I dont care if it takes a few years bcz actually I need to be single too. but am I setting myself up for more hurt in the future? is he likely to move on and forget about me?

 

thanks

 

j

[geegirl]

No one can predict the future as to whether he will come back or what he may want in the coming years.

 

All you can do is work with what has been presented to you in that he wants to break up, he's become selfish and consumed with his life and that he does not value the R the way you do. With that, you have to let go and move on. Don't ever put your life on hold for anyone, especially someone who has decided to live his life the way he wants. You should be living life as you please as well. Not sitting around and waiting for him. You said you need to find yourself again, then do it. Move on and with time and distance, you will start to see things clearly and you may even re-prioritize your needs and wants in life and in a partner.