HeartOnSleeve Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Not sure how to handle leaving this situation. Great guy, but I know he is commitment phobic and is showing all the signs. I've been seeing him for 8 months and I know he cares about me but he pushes me away and it's like being on a roller coaster;one minute he is all about me and the next I feel like I don't exist to him and it's wearing on me. I don't want to not be with him but I need to move on and protect myself. I am way to invested already! The worst part is we just had a little pow-wow about how we want to move forward and I kid you not the next two days after he was not in contact at all! I guess I need help figuring out what to say since it will catch him off guard and also, it's horrible timing for him and his career. I hate to hurt him at this time and promised I wouldn't but, I just keep being happy one day and sad the next. Anyone dealt with this type of guy or girl. Suggestions welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
RatsAreCool Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yes I HAVE, I just got dumped by one. I almost ended it myself for the same reason... I couldn't stand the ups and downs (of course I stupidly decided to give him another chance and then found myself being the one dumped). You sound like you have the situation figured out. Here's how to look at it--if you dump him and he really cares about you, he'll change to get you back. If he doesn't... he was no good anyway! I would just lay it all out there. I mean I know it's lame advice. I can't give you a list of things to say though. But just tell the truth. When you break up with someone, you should always tell the truth. I wish everyone felt that way about break ups... Link to post Share on other sites
Kageytn Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I dated one for four years. We went to therapy together this year to work on his commitment issues and my anxiety about his commitment issues. The therapist suggested not pressuring him. I did. He loved it. Then, he wanted me. No, he didn't. Wait, he did. I finally told him I could not do this to myself after this year. Steps had to be made. I had to be completely in his life. No hedging. I had to meet his parents. I deserved more. He broke up with me three times in July-couldn't even commit to breaking up. We have a push-pull dynamic which is common in these relationships. I push-he pulls and vice versa. I've done a ton of reading. My theory is he has serious deep-seated issues and I do too. Otherwise, we would have realized our needs were not being met and broken it off. We are both co-dependents and emotionally unavailable. I don't have much advice. If your relationship is healthy in other ways, then tell him you can't do it anymore. He will have to make a decision. If your relationship is a toxic cesspool full of lying, manipulation, game playing and controlling behavior like mine, then break it off now. Start the new year as a new single you. His career and his feelings are not important right now. You are. Put yourself first and see what happens. It'll be hell but don't delay the inevitable. I wanted to put mine off until December. It didn't happen and it was a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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