eastcheap Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I've been with this one guy for almost 9 months. We dated a little bit throughout high school but it didn't work out. We broke up before he went to university and then he came back, expressing his interest in still being with me. After a few rocky starts we began dating again- with the promise that certain things would change in order for both of us to be comfortable in the relationship. For me, what I wanted from him was a few signs that he invested a little bit more in me than he did before; our relationship had typically been unbalanced, with me feeling like I was very much so in love with him, and him not even being sure of his feelings towards me. My fault for sticking around, but I felt as though we really had something special, and I guess he saw that too when we started dating the second time. So, I felt quite nervous going into it again- as I'm sure he did too. I felt very insecure about our relationship and I wanted a few things from him. 1. That he would call me a little more often/be the one to make plans more 2. That he'd text me/call me if plans had changed so that I wasn't waiting around for hours, and that he'd respond to my messages 3. That he'd express that he loved me a little more often He did readily agree at first that these things were reasonable and understandable. However, none of these things could be sustained for longer than a week and it really got to me. It was all I had ever wanted from him- and he acted like it was far too much to give. Now we're at a really sour point in this relationship- he's claiming that I'm trying to change who he fundamentally is (someone that doesn't call more often) and that if I need something more from him then I should walk away. I feel like this is a cop out and he's bailing and I'm honestly feeling sick to my stomach over it. I have been recently trying incredibly hard to feel less insecure about it but he's saying that these things I've asked are things he will never do, and that for this relationship to work, I need to give up on them. He is an introvert and I am an extrovert- and so there is some unbalance. I feel as though we should be compromising in order to make this work. As it is, he disagrees, butat the same time thinks that I should give up my needs for him. He never used to say that hanging out just to watch a movie or something was a big deal for him but this recent, huge fight we had, he revealed that it is, and he wants to be able to say no to me. I understand that- but I wish so, so badly that he didn't want to say no to me- that is the part of my insecurity that I've been trying to overcome. It's been really, really difficult without his support. Should I just leave this? Am I being bullied into letting go of my needs? I feel as though I am an independent person and that I'm very self reliant, but all I feel right now is needy and broken down. It's terrible and my self esteem has taken a battering. He thinks that I should just trust that he loves me, nice gestures me damned. I think that if he truly loved me, calling me more often/asking to chill once in a while/telling me he loved me more often... these things wouldn't be an issue. But they really, really are. He can't do it. And now we're here. Break up? Stay together? Should I cut this person out of my life? I feel heartbroken that this isn't working because I have honestly wanted it to work for 4 years. Are my expectations really that unrealistic? Link to post Share on other sites
silly_panda Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Honestly... The things you are asking for are very easy to do... And it should just come naturally too... That's what a boyfriend should and will normally do... But there are guys out there that couldn't meet these easy requirement... I think mostly they think too much of themselves and they put their needs as priority... Erm... Don't mind me asking... You mentioned you wanted your relationship to work for 4years..? After that what will happen..? Well... To leave or hang on it's your choice... Just see and think of which path will make you feel better and happier... Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
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