Almost 4 months later...

[Kathyy28]

It's been a while since I haven't written here, but my life has gone through so many changes! On the 18th it's going to be 4 months since my ex broke up with me, I saw him for the first time last month a week before I moved from Boston to Miami, when our crew went to NYC to complete this Warrior Dash challenge. We really didn't talk much, but we both worked together as a team to get through the challenge so that kinda was our way of calling "truce". Three days before I left to Miami my ex decided to drop of some of my stuff to our mutual friends house because before I left. Mind you the things that he dropped up were useless things that I had completely forgotten they exist... I.e a hair band, a bday card from a friend of mine, a pen and my gym iphone thing. I got so mad when he did that because i felt like he did it on purpose to get a reaction out of me... and it worked... After 3 months of me doing NC with him I broke it. I drove to his place " next street over" and called him to come downstairs to talk to me. He did, and we talked for an hour and a half. He did confessed to me that he thought about me daily and wanted to surprise me with flowers and it killed him when word got to him that I had received flowers from another guy. I thought I had finally gotten my closure that night and was able to move on...

 

Until just recently that I just have been missing him so much. It seems like I want to be back with him and at times I feel like I haven't even moved on at all. I moved 1500 miles away from him and I just don't understand why I still miss him so much. At times I just want to give in and call him but I know I shouldn't. I don't know what to do now. Any advice?

 

NC sucks ... But it does help in the long run.

[smudge21]

Yeah, can see this. I can feel fine for a while and then something, just one little thing - a bit of news or mutual friends or even a picture - and I'm back to wanting her so much! Hate it. NC is the right thing, but it's so painful and such a hard road to take.

 

I don't really know what to tell you. You already know that any breaks in NC can hurt especially when they involve direct contact with an ex. I had to talk to mine recently and she said some nice stuff, subtle but I picked up on them. A lot of memories flooded back. Even though it was right to speak to her it also hurt me long term.

 

We'll heal when we heal. There's no fixed time limit on these things...

[silly_panda]

Erm... He was the on that broke it off with you rite..? If that's the case, I think he should be the one calling you since he says he missed you so much and all...

 

But this might be a case of both parties being ego and do not want to make the first move... But I will say... Play it safe... Don't put your heart out there at the moment... If the guy really wants you back, he will knock down your door and tell you he wants you back...

[Kathyy28]

Yeah, can see this. I can feel fine for a while and then something, just one little thing - a bit of news or mutual friends or even a picture - and I'm back to wanting her so much! Hate it. NC is the right thing, but it's so painful and such a hard road to take.

 

I don't really know what to tell you. You already know that any breaks in NC can hurt especially when they involve direct contact with an ex. I had to talk to mine recently and she said some nice stuff, subtle but I picked up on them. A lot of memories flooded back. Even though it was right to speak to her it also hurt me long term.

 

We'll heal when we heal. There's no fixed time limit on these things...

 

 

You're right there is no fixed time limit on these things. I just feel as if whenever I take one step forward I end up taking 5 steps back, and I don't even have anything that will remind me off him since I moved so far away I took it as an opportunity to start a new life without him. Is just that some nights I get these very vivid dreams of us and it takes me back to square 1.

[Kathyy28]

Erm... He was the on that broke it off with you rite..? If that's the case, I think he should be the one calling you since he says he missed you so much and all...

 

But this might be a case of both parties being ego and do not want to make the first move... But I will say... Play it safe... Don't put your heart out there at the moment... If the guy really wants you back, he will knock down your door and tell you he wants you back...

 

Yes he did the breaking up. It just sucks because I know that he won't be the one doing the calling. He did told me he missed me and thought of me daily but when I asked him if he had ever planned on hitting me up his answer was no because he felt that I didn't wanted nothing to do with him. I don't blame him on why he said that because once he did try to use an excuse to see me and I told him that whatever he needed to give me to just drop it off in my mailbox since there wasn't any need for us to keep on communicating.

 

I know he misses me, and I know he still loves me but I just wish that he would have enough courage to fix things.

[Mack05]

Kathyy you know whats cool? U are actually over the worst without realising it. This is just the last part of your healing. U still haven't settled. When we move to a new place and we are in the process of settling, it is a very uncomfortable feeling. New surroundings make us vulnerable, so we automatically start to reminsce about the past. That is where we feel safe.This new place doesnt feel safe yet, but it will.

 

I promise you one thing. As soon as you make new friends and the first cute guy chats you up at a party (and the attraction is mutual) you will then know you have fully moved on. Your over the worst, just a few speed bumps to negotiate now!

Edited September 10, 2011 by Mack05

[danceallday]

K28 - So sorry that you are going through this. I do envy you - Miami must be great to live in! I am 2 months behind you so I am learning by reading what you have written and I am encouraging you to stay strong.

[Kathyy28]

Kathyy you know whats cool? U are actually over the worst without realising it. This is just the last part of your healing. U still haven't settled. When we move to a new place and we are in the process of settling, it is a very uncomfortable feeling. New surroundings make us vulnerable, so we automatically start to reminsce about the past. That is where we feel safe.This new place doesnt feel safe yet, but it will.

 

I promise you one thing. As soon as you make new friends and the first cute guy chats you up at a party (and the attraction is mutual) you will then know you have fully moved on. Your over the worst, just a few speed bumps to negotiate now!

 

I hope I am! It doesn't feel like I'm over the worst at times thou :-/. So far I encountered to guys and so far they both had been douche bags! One ended up being engaged, and yesterday I went on a platonic date with this guy to a casino/ bar club who seem pretty cool UNTIL the end of the date where he got mad because I didn't wanted to sleep with him. I won't be hearing from him again lol. *sigh* meeting those two guys made me think of my ex and made me appreciate him a lot because my ex never disrespected me like that. I felt so vulnerable that I actually had dialed his number.... BUT I stopped myself and pressed end before it even had a chance to ring. Go me! =]

[Kathyy28]

K28 - So sorry that you are going through this. I do envy you - Miami must be great to live in! I am 2 months behind you so I am learning by reading what you have written and I am encouraging you to stay strong.

 

Thank you so much D! I still haven't adjusted to the city yet since I didn't know a single soul here when I moved in. I've just been focusing mainly in school and myself. I just need to start socializing myself even more so I could try and take my mind off him! Be strong as well! Trust me, I've had had such an emotional roller coaster ride with this break up. At times I'm so strong and then randomly relapse. Good thing I have LS to help me get myself back together =]

[windmask]

Hey Kathy

 

ok read ur post and for me its been 4 months as well since i went the NO Contact way with my ex gf who broke up with me she was also my best friend it ended badly i loved her but oh well its just sad.

 

as for you i dont think u should have gone to see him after he dropped some useless stuff at ur friends house to give to you. that a-sshole really should have called you if u missed u or wanted to be with you. the only reason hes prolly seeking u out now is prolly cause he cant find another girl.

 

keep some self respect and dont contact him again isnt it kinda stupid though cause u finally moved on somewhat after 4 months and now u have to do it all over again? i dont think u should have showed up at his place.

 

anyhows wuts done is done i guess for ur mistake of goin to his place is the reason ur going to miss him AGAIN for a while.

 

i think u suffered enough because of him like he left you and didnt care then and u prolly suffered like mad so now should be his turn why does he get to have u back whenever he decides he wants u back?

 

i think u owe to urself to find someone better who wont be such an a-sshole and leave u whenever he likes and want u whenever he wants. its stupid ur not some kinda of a toy.

 

good luck am glad my ex gf hasnt called shes very stubborn and she was the one to break up too however i miss her each day even though she did so much wrong. so i must be really stupid i know:(

[Mack05]

I hope I am! It doesn't feel like I'm over the worst at times thou :-/. So far I encountered to guys and so far they both had been douche bags! One ended up being engaged, and yesterday I went on a platonic date with this guy to a casino/ bar club who seem pretty cool UNTIL the end of the date where he got mad because I didn't wanted to sleep with him. I won't be hearing from him again lol. *sigh* meeting those two guys made me think of my ex and made me appreciate him a lot because my ex never disrespected me like that. I felt so vulnerable that I actually had dialed his number.... BUT I stopped myself and pressed end before it even had a chance to ring. Go me! =]

 

Kathyy I went out on a date not that long after my ex and I broke up. I wasn't ready. The date didn't go to well, so what you tend to do is reminsce on good times with your ex. You are almost there. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are. Just keep doing what you are doing. Eventually you will meet someone, who ticks all your boxes and your ex becomes a very distant memory, very quickly. When u go home and you meet him again you will be amazed how feel absolutely nothing for him. Wait and see.

[Yadaka356]

Thanks for share

[Kathyy28]

Hey Kathy

 

ok read ur post and for me its been 4 months as well since i went the NO Contact way with my ex gf who broke up with me she was also my best friend it ended badly i loved her but oh well its just sad.

 

as for you i dont think u should have gone to see him after he dropped some useless stuff at ur friends house to give to you. that a-sshole really should have called you if u missed u or wanted to be with you. the only reason hes prolly seeking u out now is prolly cause he cant find another girl.

 

keep some self respect and dont contact him again isnt it kinda stupid though cause u finally moved on somewhat after 4 months and now u have to do it all over again? i dont think u should have showed up at his place.

 

anyhows wuts done is done i guess for ur mistake of goin to his place is the reason ur going to miss him AGAIN for a while.

 

i think u suffered enough because of him like he left you and didnt care then and u prolly suffered like mad so now should be his turn why does he get to have u back whenever he decides he wants u back?

 

i think u owe to urself to find someone better who wont be such an a-sshole and leave u whenever he likes and want u whenever he wants. its stupid ur not some kinda of a toy.

 

good luck am glad my ex gf hasnt called shes very stubborn and she was the one to break up too however i miss her each day even though she did so much wrong. so i must be really stupid i know:(

 

 

I think this break up took a toll on me cause just like you I was best friend s with my ex for over 10 years, and we've known each other for 12.

 

You're right I shouldn't had showed up to his place. But at the same time I kinda don't regret it because it did gave me A LOT of answers to questions I kept on killing myself with my own assumptions. Although that convo did got me A LOT more closer to closure I know that the real closure would be when I finally let everything go. That's what I need to work on.

 

I agree I shouldn't let him treat me like a toy. I just hope that he does mature more, and when he does and I have officially moved on I wouldn't mind being able to have a friendship with him again. But as long as I have at least one ounce of feelings for him I wouldn't want to have any type of friendship cause I know it wouldn't be genuine.

 

We are not stupid for missing our exes. Being in love is like being on drugs. We were so used to having them around and part of our daily lives that the moment they left us we had to cut them out. Obviously 4 months hasn't been enough to recover but just like Mack said... we will eventually get there.

[Kathyy28]

Kathyy I went out on a date not that long after my ex and I broke up. I wasn't ready. The date didn't go to well, so what you tend to do is reminsce on good times with your ex. You are almost there. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are. Just keep doing what you are doing. Eventually you will meet someone, who ticks all your boxes and your ex becomes a very distant memory, very quickly. When u go home and you meet him again you will be amazed how feel absolutely nothing for him. Wait and see.

 

 

Probably this was also too soon for me to start dating. Although honestly in my mind it was more of a platonic thing, while in his not so much. When I had spoken to him that night outside his house it did made me see how much I have improved with my life while him not so much. I felt so proud of myself that I took this break up for my advantage to give me the motivation I needed to better myself. Although it does kill me inside but hopefully was you said is true about me almost being there. I can't wait when I'm able to achieve that goal =]

[Kathyy28]

Thanks for share

 

You're welcome, and welcome to SL, you just joined a great community =]

[windmask]

hey kathy

 

funny how u should say that "Being in love is like being on drugs" cause thats something i wrote in my story on site lol........anyhows perhaps i was a bit harsh when i posted here regarding ur story sorry if i was. i just never understand how the dumpers always so happy and posts like a thousand pictures showing how happy they are yet we are left to pick up the pieces.

 

and i get he was ur best friend my ex gf was my best friend as well and when she ended it i felt i didnt ever know this perhaps because she was saying things like how she didnt know what she saw in me etc and i was like wow.

 

anyhows i understand by meeting ur ex bf u got some answers to ur questions, but now its kinda going to make u miss him so much more. and am sure he knows now that sooner or later u going to call him. but i can understand that he was ur best friend at one point and i know what that means to me and am sure its equally important to you.

 

i wish u all the best :p:p:p

[Kathyy28]

hey kathy

 

funny how u should say that "Being in love is like being on drugs" cause thats something i wrote in my story on site lol........anyhows perhaps i was a bit harsh when i posted here regarding ur story sorry if i was. i just never understand how the dumpers always so happy and posts like a thousand pictures showing how happy they are yet we are left to pick up the pieces.

 

and i get he was ur best friend my ex gf was my best friend as well and when she ended it i felt i didnt ever know this perhaps because she was saying things like how she didnt know what she saw in me etc and i was like wow.

 

anyhows i understand by meeting ur ex bf u got some answers to ur questions, but now its kinda going to make u miss him so much more. and am sure he knows now that sooner or later u going to call him. but i can understand that he was ur best friend at one point and i know what that means to me and am sure its equally important to you.

 

i wish u all the best :p:p:p

 

Windmask never once did I thought you were being harsh with me. I like to thank you for your post because I know that what you wrote to me was coming from a good place. Not to hurt me or anything like that. I as well wish you the best!