solobeary Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 So long story short: Both 25, both each other's first serious relationship. 4 years together. He went overseas because he "needed space" I asked a million times whether this was his way of breaking up with me, he said no a million times. He sent me emails about how much he missed me every day. Then he kissed the first girl that payed any attention to him, and called me and said he knew he was just going to keep hurting me and we broke up. During our relationship, most of the time we were together was lovely, but he never made me feel as secure or loved as I made him feel him, and in the back of my mind I knew we'd probably end with him ****ing me over, but I didn't want to believe it. We're still attracted to each other, always had a good sex life, and when he's not acting like a dickhead things are still lovely. Though he acts like a dickhead most of the time (mixed messages, being really cold with me, he lied to me about not being in contact with the girl he kissed any more when he was actually sending her dumb flirty emails, etc.). Obviously, I need to go no contact for a very, very long time. I sent him an email on Monday to explain why I was going to go completely no contact. I said that I can't have any contact with him because any reminder of him makes me mourn what we had together and could have had together, and the person I thought he was. That I can't be friends with him, because I can't just turn my feelings off. That I can't trust him not to hurt me or lie to me, even as a friend. That I'm disappointed in him for being so immature. He replied and finally admitted how bad he'd treated me during all of this, and semi-apologised. Then he said that the break up was his fault and nothing to do with me and he's sorry (he was trying to blame it on my issues whilst completely ignoring his own for a long time). He said he wished he was more mature, and wants to be friends, but understands that he ****ed up and so we can't be friends. Then he said that he still thinks about me all the time and has a picture of me next to a picture of his family on the wall. I mean I'm happy for the semi-closure, and grateful I got that. I'm fully committed to the no contact (as hard as it is). But for some reason the photo just weirded me the hell out. WTF?? Why would you cheat on someone, dump them, treat them like ****, and then put a photo of them on your wall? I find that SO Weird. I've been avoiding all photos of him because it makes me miss him too much. How can he just look at a picture of me and not be overcome by emotion (either good or bad)? I went no contact because he was just giving me crumbs and using me as an ego boost. Is he still doing that with a photo of me?
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