Ex doesnt feel the same way as i do about her

[wreckedhero]

I wrote her a letter asking for her to come back as I still loved her so she texted me saying that she doesnt feel the same way and that she doesnt want a relationship at the moment. She said that her feelings may grow and that she probably/possibly would get back with me in the future when she wants someone. I told her we shouldnt be friends and that we should go no contact and she put the phone down on me. I then sent her one last text telling her she was special and that she has my number if she wants to get back together. Have I lost self respect? And is it possible feelings can grow? What shall I do now? Forget about her? This has really hurt me and I just want to know the best way to heal.

[wreckedhero]

Anyone got any advice?

[thelovingkind]

Have you lost self-respect? No, writing a letter is pretty tame compared to some of the stuff people have done in an effort to get their ex back. Don't sweat it. Once you find yourself driving slowly past her house in the evenings then I'd start worrying.

 

Is it possible her feelings can grow again? Anything is possible, but it is highly, highly unlikely. You are setting yourself up for more hurt and disappointment if you bet on this happening. Don't listen to what she says about her feelings changing. She is basically trying to let you down gently by leaving a tingle of hope and a door left ajar for the future, which is the dumbest thing any dumper can do. Even if she does believe her feelings may change, she has no control over that and it is still very unlikely.

 

I think you are pretty much on the right track: stay no contact, let yourself grieve and sooner or later you will think less and less about her until you get to a point where someone new sparks your interest.

[wilsonx]

so... you did everything possible that you could do. dont ever apologize for this

 

now what you need to do is distance yourself from her. I mean a lot of distance. Remove and block from facebook, delete her number block her email address. there's a reason i am telling you to do this and you are not going to believe me but its true. she has feelings for someone else. right now shes trying to keep you as a security blanket just in case it doesn't work. she probably wont straight up admit it to you but its true. Read the 10000s of posts on this forum all saying the same thing. I was naive at first about my ex doing this to me but in the end it turned out to be true

 

then you want to go NC because she doesnt have the same feelings for you that you do for her. No Contact allows you to sort through what you are going through and gives you a chance to heal from the relationship. You need to STICK TO IT and its going to be the hardest thing you are going to do for a while. Im on day 9 of No Contact and over a month from the breakup. Its so hard but the more and more and more you stick to it just keep doing it. She may text, email, call you, best advice is just IGNORE them. She will say things like I miss you, or I love you but unless she acts by coming to say these things to you in person, ignore them. They are called breadcrumbs to see if you're still around