MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 So as you all may know I went on vacation (Barbados) and with no phone service etc it was a nice relaxing getaway but i must admit i was sad...didn't help seeing all the hooneymooners either. I cried very little when i was there...but when i got back to my half empty place last night i cried a lot. sure i was also tired and hungry but i miss him. Last thing (as a reminder) is that i texted him "(a nickname I used to call him) it's been 71 days since i lost my bestfriend/lover, a month since you moved out of the home we love, and 16 days since i've seen your beautiful (nickname) face. please come home. or at least let it be time to start fresh. a second chance for our mini family" and he replied 2 hrs later "I got your text. I'm thinking of how, when, or if replying is really the right thing to do" and i replied (the next day) "Okay i get that you're unsure what to say and if you even want to reply and i understand" he replied 2 min later "Yes, thank you" and that's all.. I was SURE that when i turned my phone on once i got in the states that he would have written....NOPE...and i was sad and so now i have th urge to text him (I HAVE NOT DONE SO) This is what I want to text... "hey hope you're well. it's been about 2 weeks since my last text and i understand that you're still not sure how/when/if to reply so I want to wish you the best in everything. goobye" or some variation of that reason WHY i want to text: I do hate how my text gave him all the power (which he already had) and how it's just now left open at basically me saying hey its been this long and i'm still here waiting I also want to text so that i can say hey i'm done waiting so no need to reply i feel like it would maybe allow him to see that i did what i could and its done now. I can't get it out of my head that he's with someone new. That's the ONLY way I can imagine him being okay with this whole thing. He's not missing me and not sad or miserable cause he's with someone else. he replaced me. Now if that's true and I send him the message i said above I'm fine with it. Like look you moved on which is why you didn't reply and now i'm done too. BUT...i do realize that if its not true (my fear) and he's just using this time to relax and be free...that message may just tell him "I'm pissed and unwilling to give you space and time" and i could shut the door for good Suggestions? advice? I just don't think he's sitting there even thinking of my message and what to reply. he's never going to reply. he's basically just feeling good that i'm still waiting and he has no pressure to decide anything. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 The only reason he has power over you is because you gave him the power to control your feelings. As much as you love him, his non-response already tells you he doesn't feel the same. It's such a waste of energy especially if you do it 24/7 everyday. Try to move on, no matter how hard it is, it's ultimatel for the best. Channel your energy into something more productive, get busy, and enjoy something instead of thinking about when your phone's going to ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 The only reason he has power over you is because you gave him the power to control your feelings. As much as you love him, his non-response already tells you he doesn't feel the same. It's such a waste of energy especially if you do it 24/7 everyday. Try to move on, no matter how hard it is, it's ultimatel for the best. Channel your energy into something more productive, get busy, and enjoy something instead of thinking about when your phone's going to ring. so you dont think the message i want to send him will just help me close the door then? i mean him not responding is basically responding with a "NO" and so i feel like i should be like okay good luck and goobye Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 so you dont think the message i want to send him will just help me close the door then? i mean him not responding is basically responding with a "NO" and so i feel like i should be like okay good luck and goobye You're only prolonging your own pain. You already said goodbye when you guys broke up. What is the purpose of writing him except to get a response from him. If this is a matter of dignity, you will have broken yours for continually trying to get him to talk to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ira Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I agree. His silence IS his answer. sorry If you text him again, it's like begging. Don't give him that power and don't make yourself look like a beggar. Grow from this and move forward Link to post Share on other sites
usabup Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 We have all followed your threads for long enough now to know that no matter what we all say, you are 100% going to text him. So ill say this...go for it. But if you are going to do it, don't say anything emotional at all. He is probably fed up of trying to bat you off all the time. Just say something along the lines of "Hi, how's things? Havnt spoken in a while" Try and have a normal conversation without any relationship talk. Prepare yourself for the fact he may not reply though Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 We have all followed your threads for long enough now to know that no matter what we all say, you are 100% going to text him. So ill say this...go for it. But if you are going to do it, don't say anything emotional at all. He is probably fed up of trying to bat you off all the time. Just say something along the lines of "Hi, how's things? Havnt spoken in a while" Try and have a normal conversation without any relationship talk. Prepare yourself for the fact he may not reply though I'm not going to text without giving this more thought. seriously. he will reply cause thats just him, he may even say "Thank you good luck to you too" he's not a mean person so he's not comfortable with NOT replying. my point is...i have zero control here and i feel like me saying okay look i waited for a reply and you didnt give one so i'm gonna leave it alone now can let me have some kind of control Link to post Share on other sites
Ira Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 NO, you have ALL the control right now. He probably expects you to text him. Don't! Use YOUR control and just forget it.... move forward 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usabup Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I'm not going to text without giving this more thought. seriously. he will reply cause thats just him, he may even say "Thank you good luck to you too" he's not a mean person so he's not comfortable with NOT replying. my point is...i have zero control here and i feel like me saying okay look i waited for a reply and you didnt give one so i'm gonna leave it alone now can let me have some kind of control Yeah but the point is, by you texting him saying your going to leave it alone, just proves that you are NOT leaving it alone. If you really were just leaving it alone, you wouldn't be texting him at all. See what I mean? He is gonna see it for what it is, emotional blackmail. You will both know that you are trying to provoke him into a response and that will make him uncomfortable. I suggest not texting. But if you are going to, just don't talk about the relationship or emotional stuff at all. Just have a friendly chat. Like friends. If you are going to text him that's the best way to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I'm not going to text without giving this more thought. seriously. he will reply cause thats just him, he may even say "Thank you good luck to you too" he's not a mean person so he's not comfortable with NOT replying. my point is...i have zero control here and i feel like me saying okay look i waited for a reply and you didnt give one so i'm gonna leave it alone now can let me have some kind of control Look, if he wanted to reply, he would have. You have zero control because you choose to have zero control. Having control for yourself would be refraining from contacting him and accepting that if he wanted to say something to you, or came up with a response in answer to your question, he would pick up the phone. And if he's not doing that, his silence is your answer. Texting him would be giving him control all over again. Sending that text is you trying to force a response from him so you can tell where you stand. His silence is his way of telling you where you stand. Please move on. That "goodbye" trick is a way to frighten someone into thinking that they're losing you and force a response. Save the tricks. Save your dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
Ira Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 very well said geegirl now please come over to my thread and solve my problems lol Link to post Share on other sites
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