kalena9488 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 So, I'm trying to be a decent person and a friend to my ex BF. I was visiting with him and his kids two days before Cinco De Mayo and his 14 y/o daughter had brought up to him how for school she neeed to make a Mexican dish and bring to school on Cinco De Mayo. So, I was listening to her as she was explaining what she was wanting to make and I told her she should make things that require the same ingrediants because her dad had said he didn't have any money. Anyway by the end of the evening I had told her I had several ingredients that she could have at my house so she wouldn't have to buy them. She then asked if she could just cook at my house because their oven isn't working at the moment. So, on Wednesday I let him know that he could borrow some money until Friday when he got paid to get what she needed. So they came over on Wednesday last week to cook. When they walked in he walked straight back to my washing machine and threw a load of clothes in and never asked. He didn't even bring his own laundry detergent. I gave him my CC and told him please only spend what she needs. Before they left he sent her to the car then asked me if he could buy a pack of cigs, I said yes then yet again before he left he asked if he could put 5 worth of gas in his truck. I said yes. (though I was irritated). So they went to the store and when they came back I asked how much they spent and he said 55 dollars at the grocery store. (they were only making tacos) At some point he had to go to the truck to get the taco sauce and I just think with the amount of money he spent there were probably groceries in the truck I didn't know about. Well all together they spent 70. Now all I know is that if someone was nice enough to loan me money for my daughter I would have spent as little as possible and if It would have totaled that much and I had no idea how much money that person had in the bank I would have called to make sure they were okay with the amount. Was I used again?????? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 So, I'm trying to be a decent person and a friend to my ex BF. I was visiting with him and his kids two days before Cinco De Mayo and his 14 y/o daughter had brought up to him how for school she neeed to make a Mexican dish and bring to school on Cinco De Mayo. So, I was listening to her as she was explaining what she was wanting to make and I told her she should make things that require the same ingrediants because her dad had said he didn't have any money. Anyway by the end of the evening I had told her I had several ingredients that she could have at my house so she wouldn't have to buy them. She then asked if she could just cook at my house because their oven isn't working at the moment. So, on Wednesday I let him know that he could borrow some money until Friday when he got paid to get what she needed. So they came over on Wednesday last week to cook. When they walked in he walked straight back to my washing machine and threw a load of clothes in and never asked. He didn't even bring his own laundry detergent. I gave him my CC and told him please only spend what she needs. Before they left he sent her to the car then asked me if he could buy a pack of cigs, I said yes then yet again before he left he asked if he could put 5 worth of gas in his truck. I said yes. (though I was irritated). So they went to the store and when they came back I asked how much they spent and he said 55 dollars at the grocery store. (they were only making tacos) At some point he had to go to the truck to get the taco sauce and I just think with the amount of money he spent there were probably groceries in the truck I didn't know about. Well all together they spent 70. Now all I know is that if someone was nice enough to loan me money for my daughter I would have spent as little as possible and if It would have totaled that much and I had no idea how much money that person had in the bank I would have called to make sure they were okay with the amount. Was I used again?????? Of course he used you. You allowed him to take from you. If you knew what ingredients she needed, why didn't you just buy the rest of the ingredients, have it ready for her when she arrived to cook instead of giving him your CC??? You are irritated that he takes from you but you don't say a word. Where are your boundaries? I commend you for wanting to help his daughter but when dealing with a person like this, you have to establish your boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedor Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Sounds so. You were trying to do a good thing for his kid but you should have given him a specific budget. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kalena9488 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 Yeah, I had stopped at the dollar store for something for myself and looked for what she needed but couldn't find it. I was just tired and had no cash on me. Never again. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Was I used again?????? Yes, but you basically agreed to be used again, so it was consensual. I mean, what that girl could have used most was time away from that father. Youuuuuuuuuuu could have facilitated this by being the one to take her to the store, to your home to cook, and to wherever else. This would have had the convenient benefit of letting you monitor your expenses in the process. That you opted not to do this, and set the example for somebody's young child that haphazardly loaning out your credit card was sensible, is on you, and not on the girl's father. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kalena9488 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 So right...I hadn't looked at it like that! Link to post Share on other sites
rayne05us Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) If I were you, I would stop talking and communicating with him. He knows he can walk all over you. He knows that by him being around, it will give you false hope....but he really doesn't want to be with you. It will be hard at first, but I'm telling you this from experience (7 years in fact), it is soooo worth it!! You will feel so empowered and you tell him that you don't deserve this. Start being a good friend to yourself. Best of Luck!! Edited May 11, 2011 by rayne05us Link to post Share on other sites
Author kalena9488 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Share Posted May 11, 2011 On my way honme he asked me to go to dinner I said I didn't have any money and he said he didn't ask me if I had money but if I wanted to go. I agreed to go. So in the middle of dinner his 14 y/o daughter asked basically who was paying for dinner. Right then and there was a complete downer for me...instant piss off. Again....am I wrong? I just feel like all of the kids know more than I do...... Link to post Share on other sites
rayne05us Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 You should stop talking to him kalena....he's stringing you along. You deserve better. And you are a giving caring person so you can get better...what has he done for you at all?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kalena9488 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Share Posted May 11, 2011 absolutely nothing Link to post Share on other sites
rayne05us Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Aha....nothing but a headache...time to do better for yourself. He won't change. You have to change... Link to post Share on other sites
kaycstamper Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 You have a problem setting boundaries. Yes he used you, because you let him. He knows just how far he can go with you, which is apparently, pretty far. Do not give him anything again...if he asks, remind him of what he owes you. Chances are he is only being "friends" to use you. That's not friendship. Stop enabling, get some help if need be to make the changes in yourself where you value yourself and set the bar up higher. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 absolutely nothing So, if he's given you nothing, are you giving and giving and giving because you are expecting something back or hoping for something back? Are you still emotionally attached to him? Because I can't see anything about this friendship that is reciprocating and wonder why you would want him in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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