Ran into ex at local bar

[tbsfw]

The ex broke up with me not even 2 weeks ago. Didn't have any contact for a week but I saw her sister last week and the sister told her I said some things that I didn't say. So, the ex sent me a message and then called because she was upset by my alleged behavior. (I admitted to what I DID say but the sister had been drunk and embellished) After that call, which was nice, overall...the ex told me 3 months no contact and we can never hang out. So, I didn't contact her in any way. Last night I saw her at the bar (didn't help that she was looking better than I've seen her in a long time) and tried to ignore her. She came up to me all smiles and friendly but I was standoffish. She asked me why I was being so weird and I said it was because of the 3 months no contact rule and that we could never hang out again. She said "who said that?" Very weird indeed. I reminded her that she did and got no comment. I did use that time as an opportunity to vent about her lying, etc...which didn't make things better but I knew I wouldn't get another chance and when she broked up with me there was no discussion or explanation just her decision and no contact after that. I rfelt better and thanked her. Then bought her a drink just to be nice. After that I just ignored her except for when I left I said goodbye. I am confused as to how she can be so bubbly and cheerful knowing that she pulled the plug on the relationship. And, how is it that she can't even remember telling me that we could have NO contact for 3 months and that we could NEVER hang out. For my part, I have respected the no contact except that I sent her one very nice email at the end...which precipitated the phone call. But, I have no problem avoiding contact...my problem is that I keep obsessing on her being with others and how she was flirting via text with them...turns out one of them was the bartender at this bar we were at...I can get over it in time but I really am unable to sleep right now. Any advice for the lovelorn? What is your take on the not remembering her "demands?" She does drink often so maybe that's part of it?

[Chi townD]

Well. if you know she was flirting with guys either in person or by texts, that kind of gives you a window view of the type of person that she was and do you really what to be with that?

 

If she was flirting with guys, how serious was she about you? I think that you should stay NC and move on, there are other women out there!

[tbsfw]

Good point. She only stated that she was serious but didn't really live it, I guess. After her divorce a few years ago she has only had two "boyfriends" that were serious enough for her to adjust her Facebook status...which seems to be the new way of announcing a relationship. I was one of them. Interestingly enough, the other guy met much the same fate as I---things were good, maybe too good and one day she up and broke it off without any notice or explanation to anyone. On one hand part of me feels that I could have been nicer when I saw her last night, but the other hand feels that what's the point? I really have nothing else to lose with her since we have NC already and there doesn't seem to be much else to take away from me. Besides, other than to get her to admit to her lying problem I didn't insult or yell or anything like that. I am doing the good things---working on myself. I workout again. I am trying to eat right since I'll need that nourishment...the sleep is tough. Especially after I saw her--I only got one hour last night. I'm a nice guy so it'd be nice to wish her a happy Mother's Day, etc but I also know that NC is the way to go no matter how nice anything I'd say could be. I think I know my tendency is to overexplain or justify/rationalize my actions but the truth is that experience shows that overdoing it is worse than doing nothing. So, I guess at this point I'm just on here for support and comfort if that's available. NC is good for me. Now if I can just control the ruminating thoughts.