Well, lucky me, here I am

[Mike_d]

ya, kinda sarcastic. not a happy boy at all. I've been in and out of a 15 year relationship that I finally felt strong enough to take the step and break it off since it just dawned on me that there would be no miracle and I deserved better than a partner who cheated that I can't trust now who is still emotionally withholding and a user/taker. but to say that I'm struggling would be a gross understatement. my days go from mostly enjoyable while consumed with thoughts of her to on my knees sobbing for hours unable to move. as with any long relationship there is a lot of story to be told but in the end I guess the nuts and bolts of the story don't really matter much. I'm in week 3 of NC only because I'm out of the country till next week and we'd agreed that NC would be good since she had stuff she wanted to work on while I was gone. I've now found out that I was "an addiction" and any progress that we'd made between breaking up and me leaving - a beautiful 3 week period where everything that was being held back from me was available and it was everything I'd been working/fighting for for the last 9 years - was a real poor emotional investment for me, I got back in the water and got my hopes up. I broke down over Easter during the NC period and sent a text wishing her happy easter, that I was thinking of her - which I do obsessively, very unhealthy, I know it but am unable to control that and a bunch of other emotional stuff - and put my heart on the line. Got a nice message back but have since learned that the writing is on the wall and now I'm back to emotional day 1, living my life on the road out of a suitcase in hotel rooms in foreign lands. Ok, I'll mix in a period. Today was horrible, simply horrible, the worst yet. no contact but no quality of life either.

 

I'm a total emotional mess and am reaching out for any sort of support I can to help me keep on swimming forward cause all I want to do is curl up into a ball in a dark room and cry my eyes out - say, like I am now for instance. awesome.

 

I can't fathom NC, just can't. and these words are the hardest of all to type.... but I know I need to for my own good. god I love this girl but I deserve so much better. I'm at that spot where I'm so willing to take any sort of scrap I can get from her no matter how demeaning it will be. self worth in short commodity lately. effing sick I am.

 

I come back home next week to an empty 2600sqft home to learn to live by myself again, the guts of my life taken out of both the house and me. I need to get her the rest of her stuff that is left in the house that she left behind including a bunch of lingerie that we just bought together a week or 2 before I left - not brutal or anything thinking about how that'll get used later on, eh? the rest will go in the trash/donate.

 

any suggestions on how to.... take steps to self care, self respect, self worth, during this time greatly appreciated. nothing is helping and the watching the clock is my enemy. I'm down to working in 1 hour blocks, just make it through into the next hour. lather rinse repeat for 5 days now. thanks for having me onboard and listening to me rant. just keep telling me that it'll get better, and maybe I can get to the point of believing you soon. until then I'm faking it as best I can. Mike

[ilovedhim]

Any room for me to curl up in that dark room? I'm 3 weeks NC and yesterday was by far the worst, today a very close second.

 

I force myself to go run in the morning. The sun and endorphins help for a while. Then work, like you, in hourly increments. I heard volunteering helps, especially with those who are terminally ill. They say it makes your problems feels like nothing. BUT what if it backfires and puts you further into depression?

 

Continue no contact. Get rid of her stuff. Meet up with friends as much as possible and don't talk about her.

 

Wish I could be of more help. Rant away if you must.

[Mike_d]

seems like there is plenty of room in the dark room unfort. cmon in, I'll be the blubbering mess on the left... Its 6a here where I'm at now and I just pop awake at random times for no reason. I'm off to the weight room mostly just so that my feet keep moving and I don't sit for any period of time. The volunteering is a good idea, but I'm not sure how much I can put on my plate at this point. It's all I can do right now just to keep moving, I know I need to take care of me first but am doing a really poor job at that. I'm trying to focus on the successes that I have in day - make an hour without a melt down, eat on time, bathe, its all become so primal since that is all I can handle right now.

 

I'm now left with little if any social life so I get to add that to my plate of new things to do. Friends... can count those left one 1 hand and I have not been a good friend to them in return. Really feeling alone right now, living someone elses life because this one that I have now is so foreign to me. I did a bunch of reading here last night before trying to get some sleep which helped. But one of the things that I read was were someone said "I love alone time as long as I know there is someone who loves me..." I really identified with that

 

I'm not sure how I can keep my NC streak going once home, we have some property to split, and the thought of starting over again like Groundhog Day isn't very appealing to me. I'll need to mull a strategy on possible options

 

I read your other post about considering taking a vacation, as one who has direct experience I've learned that everywhere you go, there you are. SSDC - same ess, different city. It seems like its all about just making the clock move right now and checking off boxes on the wall calendar.

Edited April 29, 2011 by Mike_d

[brightskies]

Hi Mike,

 

You're not alone, I can relate, it's a real struggle to get through each day for me, too. Some days I just want to lay in bed and sleep and not wake up. Ever. It doesn't even matter that I have friends or not, I just haven't the energy to socialize or turn to them. In any case, my involvement in the relationship shrank my social circle to near zero, for a number of reasons.

 

What I've found that helps a bit is turning to a hobby, or, more importantly, exercise. In the beginning you'll drag your feet (and I still do, sometimes) but the net feeling afterward makes all the effort worthwhile. Get your body moving --- it helps to clear your head and improves your mood. I've gotten back into sculling, I highly recommend it --- it's meditative, gets me out in the fresh air, is a great physical and mental workout and isn't at all boring! Did I mention that male scullers are, almost without exception, hot?!

 

And just a suggestion, it helps readers if you break up your story into paragraphs. Listen, hang in there, we're here for you, ok?

 

 

...it just dawned on me that there would be no miracle and I deserved better than a partner who cheated that I can't trust now who is still emotionally withholding and a user/taker ... no contact but no quality of life either ... I can't fathom NC, just can't. and these words are the hardest of all to type.... but I know I need to for my own good.

Mike

Edited April 30, 2011 by brightskies

[neverendingdrama]

I think it hasn't set in yet that this person WILL be out of your life forever. You can't fathom it.

Trust me , I am still taking it in myself in my situation. I run to my bed and covers because it takes away the pain of what I went through. I think I have slept more in the last 3 months than I have all my life.

 

I think we see this marvelous person , the good side. We are taken back by it . We are want that person all the time. Truth is , they can't be the genuine person all the time. It is a nice cover though.

 

You being the nice guy , you are also the " go back to guy ". The fall back guy for her. Knowing she has you . She calls and you go running. I had 2 friends do that in the last month. I wanted to smack them. Listen to grown men sob about how fast " she " moved on. When she was done and wanted them back , they were right there waiting.

 

Please don't be a doormat. You are worth so much more to someone else. This person does not define you. You saw their shell , not their inner self. You will find someone and have that 360 connection. That is when you should throw your entire being into it. Because they are worth it.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Good luck , stay strong !!

[neverendingdrama]

If you are just renting you might want to try moving. I moved into a new house. New memories to be made and clean thoughts.

 

It took me 3 weeks to move out of my 2300 sqft house. I would go there and just cry . Sit on the floor , try and pack and cry . The most pathetic move I have ever done. Everyting reminded me of him. All the good times , but the violence as well. I still need to muster up the strength to go clean it this weekend , which is going to kill me to finally walk away from all my thoughts.

 

I never could have stayed there. It was too much to deal with. I can tell you , being in my new house has given me a new out look. It has been refreshing to try and move on.

 

Please give that some thought.

[Mike_d]

thanks for the words to you both, appreciate it. I've been doing a lot of reading - and I will start using paragraphs, punctuation and the like, just sort of needed to get a stream of consciousness out of me first - here on the forum over the last 24-48 hours and I think just knowing that I'm not alone somehow has helped settle me down a bit.

 

Decent day today all things considered, able to stretch my working window from not even 1 hr yesterday to almost all day today so far <knocks wood> without a melt down. Been working on a mental good/bad list about my past relationship - I find that I romanticize things about the past and I need to work on staying real and not get lost in the rosy glasses view.

 

I'm working hard on building ideas to create a tool chest for myself and then reminding myself that I need to use it even when it gets easy, because the only reason that it is easy is because I'm using the tools that I have. If I stop using the tools then I slide backwards.

 

Next is to figure out what I'm doing wrong (I have a pattern that I'm repeating that isn't successful) and why I'm doing it, then figure out what I really do want. Trying not to focus on if what I want is possible or not, just for the moment stay focused on working out what I really want so that I can work on avoiding what doesn't work for me going forward.

 

I'm heading home a few days early from this trip, have not really told anybody at home yet, will arrive SFO Sunday morning from Hong Kong. I want a few days in solitude to work my strategy up for cleaning house, storage units, boxing stuff up, throwing things away, and mentally prepping for final final. Trying to figure out how I'm going to do that, I really want to keep my NC streak alive and not go Groundhog Day but not exactly sure how to do it. The few days at home should get me rested up, exercised up, and mentally ready I hope to be strong, calm, disengaged, and honest for whatever comes up. But strong is job 1

 

I'm in a great city with great nightlife at the moment in south Asia, going to go out and see about having a good time tonight as a reward of sorts for myself, but off to gym first for some cardio and jump rope work.

 

Thanks again for your words and contributions, they make a difference for me.

[inthedeep]

Mike,

 

I just wanted to say I understand what you are going through. Right now, I'm dealing with about the 4th breakup with the same person. The last (and ultimate) breakup happened last night. You should be proud of your 3 weeks NC. I at one point was at the 3 week NC mark last year, and allowed myself to be reeled back in by the same person (my ex cheated on me too-- before we ever had our first argument/problem!) I can tell you that just when I started to feel better and started to forget what life was like with him, he came back. Exes tend to sense when you are starting to move on, but I've learned that once someone leaves you and especially cheats on you, you can never fully trust them again. A relationship is no longer possible.

 

I completely relate to the lack of social circle problem. I have always had many friends to go out with, but when I'm in a relationship all my friendships get pushed aside. Your partner becomes your best friend, and it becomes almost like- why would I rather hang out with my old friends, when I can spend time with a best friend I can not only have fun with but can be intimate with? I believe it's a lesson learned and a problem practically everyone deals with.

 

What is helping me (slightly) is to think back to the beginning of the relationship- that nervous feeling full of possibilities, where you are at your BEST self. At that point, there is no reason to argue, no reason to be jealous, nothing but the best feelings for your mind to dwell on. It is the absolute most amazing feeling in the world. And YOU now have the opportunity to feel that way again in the future. Light, unattached but forming a new connection, happy, and in control.

 

I hope this helps. If you're like me, you're extremely passionate and when you feel something, you feel hard. But, those types seem to move on fastest. Like pulling off a band-aid.

[Mike_d]

well i'm back home finally after 44 hours en ruote to get home. good to be here, happy

I am. got out of the car, wandered around the house, grabbed my suitcases and brought them in, changed into shorts and then started packing the rest of her stuff up so that the house has nothing of her left. hadn't been home more than 15 minutes.

 

@neverendingdrama - I'd just bought the place in Feb but the whole process ended up being a total disaster with her. my desire to get something stable under us was seen by her as me somehow trying to escape her - amazing stuff, and in the end self fulfilling.

 

had to laugh, have 1 dining table in main room, some dishes and kitchen stuff, and my bed and dresser, and rest of house is empty. funny in a pathetic kind of way. need to learn to buy furniture and decorate, totally capable but way out of my box. but it will be me/mine when done, so considering it an empty canvas and see what I can do.

 

@inthedeep we're a lot alike re:circle of friends issues. I've been reaching out to old friends that I fell out of contact with during the cycles of my relationship to own my part of the problem, try to explain why I do this, and let them know that they didn't do anything to cause my lack of contact, and apologize. So far I've had some nice responses back so that has really helped.

 

Looking into EMDR therapy to help balance my brain - my total worst enemy when I'm feeling badly, brain just piles on to further the mental beatings and turn the volume up on the tape that is playing in my head over and over and over. And start listing building my check points for my wish list for a better partner. just trying to keep stepping forward

[neverendingdrama]

You know we are all going through a hard time. We can give advice out , but we also get so much back after reading posts. Just some really good ideas. In my case , he can't have contact because of a restraining order.

It makes it a little easier.

 

I would be equally sad leaving HK ! I was there 18 months ago and it was amazing. It was hard because it is a romantic city , I was with my brother and his girlfriend.

 

Hopefully the house situation works out. Filling the spaces with your own ideas will be good. I sold my house a year ago and rented with the ex. The timing could not have been more perfect because my neighbors offered me their rental 1 mile away as my lease was done 3 weeks ago when the "final showdown" happened . It still feels very lonely. This is a house he would have loved with the park down the street like he wanted. He'll never get to see it.

 

One thing I am having a hard time with is going from sharing your life , hopes and dreams with someone to nothing. I often wonder if they are as torn up as we are , or how easily did they move on. The unknown.

 

I am going to take some of your ideas and do my own toolbox. I too find myself jumping into situations and maybe I need to take a step back before I do that again.

 

Thanks and good luck !

[Mike_d]

morning. I noticed yesterday that I'm looking at every woman in the airport while trying to evaluate them somehow - are they attractive? might they be interested in me? would they make a good partner? etc. once i realized what i was doing I was shocked at myself, said jesus H, give yourself some time, wtf is wrong with you. interesting that I'm finding myself just grasping at anything just to fill this gaping hole in me in a desperate kind of way. will be interesting and prob kind of painful to go thru the process of figuring out why i'm doing that. i'm totally damaged goods right now, but at least I'm able to see it to know what to start working on.

 

spent some time writing a 'goodbye' letter this am, think i did pretty good leaving any sort of emotion out of it. going to get a few trips back and forth to storage done this morning and then email it later today just to get some closure

 

new toolbox tool: downloaded iphone 'track and share' app to help me track my moods and what impacts me so that i can work on keeping my D out of the dirt all day long. i'll try to post about the things/tools i'm using with the hope that someone might find help/comfort using the same tool.

[Mike_d]

One thing I am having a hard time with is going from sharing your life , hopes and dreams with someone to nothing. I often wonder if they are as torn up as we are , or how easily did they move on. The unknown.

 

I too have trouble with this one as well. at my strongest times I'm able to tell myself that I don't care what they think, and give myself permission to be 100% selfish and only think about how I feel. at my weakest I fall victim to wondering about how my ex thinks about me, so I try to go back to my journal and reread what I wrote during a strong period to help give me a different perspective. journaling is really new to me, but I find it really helpful to get stuff out of my head, and also to look back something strong I've written in my own handwriting - kind of like talking to myself. right now my brain is my worst enemy, the more I can keep it from beating me up with negative messages the better I'm able to feel.

 

I am going to take some of your ideas and do my own toolbox. I too find myself jumping into situations and maybe I need to take a step back before I do that again.

good, please post up anything you find helpful. I'm so totally willing to look at anything that might help, anything to keep me from feeling so low.

[Mike_d]

well, just sent my NC letter off by email. it's official. wiped, think im going to go do something nice for me now

[neverendingdrama]

It is such an odd feeling. I have so many mixed emotions , but at the end of the day as much pain as I feel , I have a new feeling of self respect and self worth for choosing this direction. The run around I went through still stings none the less. I don't know who I am more angry with. Him for being such a waste of space in my life , or myself for allowing it as long as I did.

 

My friend made an odd analogy. She said the relationship/break up was kind of like lottery winnings - you can take the pain in one lump sum ( like we are doing ) or you can have it spread out in installments ( hense , the staying around ).

 

Mine was heading to mass distruction. It was so far gone and he was convinced I would never walk away. I threatened so many times to be done. I had been through so much drama. For me the after effects reconfirm my choice daily. My own timing was not one day short of perfect. He was a pathological liar , abusive and was starting to see someone while telling me we needed to work on us and how much he loved me. I don't know which quailty I loathe the most. It made my mind wander horribly. Cheaters and liars will always be just that. They will continue to do it as long as we allow it.

 

 

 

I feel like I got my life back. You restore your own dignity when you make these choices , but you have yet to get the payback for it.

 

Listening to music has helped so much as well for me. I also wrote a really detailed letter of everything that has ever bothered me. Starting from sqaure one. Needless to say it was about 3 pages. I planned on printing it and leaving it at the empty house for him when he showed up to get the rest of his stuff. Thought it would tie in with the sting of my disappearing . After thinking about it , it dawned on me . He never got a **** about me , why would he care what I had to say in departure ? The shock of an empty house should suffice. At least you left your emotions out. Kudos for that !

 

Feel free to message me if you need to vent. Sometimes it is just nice to bounce comments off to someone dealing with the same. Been trying to keep a low roar with my family and friends. Take care !

[Mike_d]

It is such an odd feeling. I have so many mixed emotions , but at the end of the day as much pain as I feel , I have a new feeling of self respect and self worth for choosing this direction. The run around I went through still stings none the less. I don't know who I am more angry with. Him for being such a waste of space in my life , or myself for allowing it as long as I did.

 

+eleventy nine. so true, so true

 

Feel free to message me if you need to vent. Sometimes it is just nice to bounce comments off to someone dealing with the same. Been trying to keep a low roar with my family and friends. Take care !

will do, thx for the offer. tried to find a PM button but no luck, must be too n00b. maybe you can send me one?

 

I just finally shared what actually happened with my kids on Monday, they were kinda pissed off at me for keeping them in the dark, and then pretty angry about what they learned and how all the preaching/AA program stuff that came out of her didnt end up jibing with her actions. one daughter very very upset

 

off to move her stuff into storage and get it out of my house. I'm living like a first semester freshman in a dorm room, if fact the freshman would prob have more stuff, but honestly I'm pretty stoked about being able to create a whole new env for me. Got a new little cutie very interested in me as well, that's both good and bad - good for ego/confidence, but need to be *real* careful on how I proceed. just hanging out now and having fun, but it meets the primary criteria on my newly formed "things I'd want in a partner" list that says "she must be into me" so I'm winning here

[neverendingdrama]

My kids have been through the ringer. My ex had 2 boys the exact same age , so when they were together they were like brothers. This is only the second relationship since my divorce 5 years ago and I am back to square one and planning on staying that way for awhile.

 

 

I have had the drama going on for quite some time , but it reared it's ugly head in Jaunary. Their dad is not thrilled that I have now moved twice in 2 years after having them only live in 2 houses ( his he owns and mine I sold ) for the last 13 years. Stayed in the same general area , but it is still hard on them.

 

It is nice to be around the opposite sex and see normal again , even if you're not in dating mode. I was pleasantly suprized by a guy I have known for about 5 years. We have a lot of mutual friends and have gone through a few oddly similar situtations. He was single and kept asking me out when I first started dating the dbag way back . I often wonder what life would have been like had I gone a different route. Right now he is a great friend still , probably one of my closest and we have really leaned on each emotionally. It has helped me heal .

 

Not sure is I can put my email on messages , but I will try and send you a message as well. I am going to try and get the mood tracker downloaded. Right now my most used one is the Igun. Is that bad ? haha

[neverendingdrama]

I don't know if this will make it through . Not sure about the rules of putting an email.

 

My kids have been through the ringer. My exbf had 2 boys the exact ages , literally a few months apart from mine. They were like brothers and we had such fun times all together. My boys are confused because most things that went on were " behind the scenes " so to speak. The worst of the ugly head rearing was in January and they saw the aftermath (I had a nice shiner on my face ) , which is something I had to put them in therapy for. I am hoping between my actions and talking to them , they are learning.

 

If anyone has any helpful hints on this as well , I would love to hear some suggestions. kimnjj at msn dot com . Feel free to contact me.

Someone on here suggested a little chat forum somehow. I think that would be great !!

[Mike_d]

Not sure is I can put my email on messages , but I will try and send you a message as well. I am going to try and get the mood tracker downloaded. Right now my most used one is the Igun. Is that bad ? haha

 

I'm using Track & Share for life tracking, not sure if its good/better, its just something to use right now.

[neverendingdrama]

If that is even how you spell that word.

 

Tried to put my email regarding kids situations , but I do believe that is above code.. apparently.

 

Was going to point out my kids are going through the same. They are very disappointed. I am hoping this experience is something I can teach them for the good . What is acceptable and what is not.

 

That is about all we can hope for , for now.

[Downtown]

Mike, like yours, my marriage to a BPDer lasted 15 years. I therefore was struck by an online therapist's comment that relationships with a BPDer tend to last 18 months (if the Non has strong emotional boundaries) and 15 years (if the Non doesn't).

 

Thanks so much for helping out in Cristoforo's thread. Like me, you don't want to see the young folks going down the path we took, trying to save a person who doesn't want saving. And, yes -- cough, cough -- Eggshells is my favorite book too.

[Mike_d]

downtown - my marriage to my bpdex only lasted 3 years till 89, but was in active crisis with her for a long time, prob till about 5 years ago. this 15yr relationship was with an alcoholic, 6 years active drinking and 9 years in recovery. but lots and lots of problems in those 9 years I waited patiently for her to get better (stupidly now looking at it in hindsight, but lesson learned).

 

in between a couple of piss poor relationships. my bpd ex created a lot of strees on my alcoholic ex. but there were lots of other problems within the relationship as well.

 

I've got a good deal of work to do to determine why I choose women like this for partners. hopefully cristoforo will get his codep self out of harms way, you've contributed a lot of good info there

[Mike_d]

today is 1 month of NC, and I'm a mess today unable to do much more than just breathe. wrote a long letter, made notes on all the things that were wrong for me and things that I disliked in her, yet still in the spin cycle. moving the last of her stuff out today and tomorrow. its been better during the month, but for whatever reason I really started to miss her again last night after a pretty good day. its bled into today, hoping that it will end soon. more to come

[Downtown]

Mike, thanks for the update and congratulations on your one-month anniversary of NC! You should be proud of yourself. You've been through hell and have survived. Specifically, you spent part of the NC period in Hong Kong, suffered on a 44 hour trip back home, and then walked into an empty 2,600 square feet house where you've been trying to heal all by yourself.

 

Well, not entirely alone. You've had the good sense to seek out your therapy options, one of which is the eye-movement therapy that presumably works by desensitizing you to past painful experiences (by distracting you as your conscious mind gets in touch with them for very short periods at a time). From what I can see, Mike, you are one tough cookie to be doing as well as you are.

[Mike_d]

still alive on this end, doing better but its day to day still. but overall the better times are growing, but lots of room for further improvement.

 

thought I'd check in with a quick update and some funny for you all to help brighten your day and remind some of you that it could be worse. Perspective is a slippery thing sometimes.

 

Seems I've turned into a magnet for crazy, or crzy as I now refer to it. Before I head overseas I meet this local girl, it appears that she meets the #1 criteria on my new 'must have' list - #1 must be into Mike. Lots of flirting, touching me on the arm when she is talking, leaning in to tell me things, etc. So we email back and forth while I'm overseas, and when I come home we get together for a drink and start spending time together. Last week was my first night of new bowling league on Tues night - gotta get my social time going, so I joined a league and am having fun. As I'm heading for the lanes she tells me she is going out for drinks with her GF and maybe we can get together afterwards. Me: sure, why not. Side note, girl likes to get her drink on and insists that she is a 'very nice girl'

 

I finish up bowling, get a text from her asking if I want to grab something to drink and come over. Sure, what do you want? Surprise me. Ok. So I head to the grocery store, run across some prepackaged sushi, I grab a big platter of sushi, a small bottle of saki, and go the deli for some chocolate cake to go. Thinking that this is pretty damn creative and I'm proud of myself for thinking out of the box I head over to her place

 

The following is my post-mortem of the night that I sent to her after 5 days of stalker like crzy assed text messages that have totally blown my phone up:

I sent a text the other night after things had become a little less manic to see if you still wanted to hear what happened, but I wasn't interested in doing it after you'd been drinking all day Saturday so when you returned the text at 1:30a I chose to ignore. I was up early the next morning and drove to Brentwood so I thought that calling you at 7a would be kinda rude. I picked up my grand-kids and didn't want to get into it with you while they were with me. Then we went to the hospital to see my grandson when you sent another of your snotty texts while I was holding him for the first time. Your lack of understanding that other people might have things going on in their lives that prevent them from getting back to you right away is just a bit selfish.

 

First - My eyes are green, not blue

 

Second - I asked you not to blow my phone up, I asked nicely. People have boundaries, that was mine. You chose to ignore my request, doesn't show much respect for me, but was similar in nature to who you were on Tuesday night.

 

Third - Inviting me over while staggering drunk. Not fun at all for me. Ruining my dinner while pouring soy sauce all over it while I'd asked you not to do that. Ignoring me totally as though I wasn't even speaking to you. So act 1 is that I go hungry since my dinner was now ruined. Then getting right up in my face with whatever it was that you wanted to explain to me about trying to deal with you. Let's watch a movie. No wait, lets walk the dog you say bounding out of bed like we're going to walk on the moon or something. Then hanging Yogi in the air by the neck with his leash while trying to control him as we headed for the door was cruel to the dog at best, and then blowing me off with your hand waving when I asked you to put the dog down cause you were just so much damn fun and in control. Dragging him down the steps and into the street. I grab a sweatshirt out of my truck since its cold, but you blow me off when I suggest that you should go back in the house and get a jacket or something since it's cold and we'd wait for you. Nope, you've totally got it covered and I get attitude for even suggesting. Then a very loud conversation about something that I don't remember as we walked into Columbia. Yogi wanted to run so I ran with him for a couple hundred feet. You catch up as he sniffs the bushes and suggest that you would be an awesome runner and could get in great shape and that I should challenge you, something to the effect of "bitch, I bet you can't do <insert challenge here>" as a way to motivate you and then repeat this a few times after I told you that I'd never consider talking to you that way. You insinuate that my lack of desire to talk to you like that equates to me being a pussy. I'm kinda shocked at this point and can see where this is going to go. We turn the corner and head north, you spot lights on at the bar in the city hotel and run stagger to the door, trip on the step almost hitting the floor but recover remarkably, find the door locked with people inside, and start pounding on the door and yelling for them to let you in. I want nothing to do with this so Yogi and I walk up the street while he is enjoying sniffing. They open the door and you go in. At this point I'm done but trying to hang in. You come out and don't see us, so you start yelling at the top of your lungs for us at 11p. You drunk walk next to me up the street and then decide that you absolutely-must-tell-me-a-story and when I don't want to head to the chicken shed for your awesome story about Rory and stealing chickens you forcefully drag me by the arm to the point that I can't shake you off while telling you that I don't want to do this, but again I'm on full ignore with you. But this is all about you and you blow me off again and won't let go. Your hearing seems to be problematic. I get a long story that is difficult to piece together, something about Rory feeling bad about stealing chickens but a coyote eats one when they try to return them. Then things really go downhill. Now you are cold since you chose not to bring a sweatshirt and you want me to put my arm around you. But you are staggering so bad that you are knocking me over to the point that I'm almost falling down while we zigzag down the street. When you deem it that I'm not holding you tight enough you challenge my manly-ness. You begin to accuse me of wanting to back to my ex since I'm not holding you tight enough. You say that I'm just like your ex who cheated on you, that I'll end up being an ******* just like him, and that now I'm going to leave you. Talking to you at this point is futile but I try. But you want to hear nothing from me, and you repeat cycle of cheating on you, *******, leaving a few times. We get back to your driveway finally. You fall into the bushes on the low brick wall but insist sullenly that you really wanted to sit there when I offer you a hand to help you up. I tell you that I'm going home, and you switch between being pissed and pleading for me to stay. When you accuse me again of leaving you I do. Phone blows up with crazy assed texts for the rest of the night and into the next day. I have to turn my phone off so I can get some sleep, but risk the chance of missing my pregnant daughter calling to tell me that she might be going into labor. I wake up to 15 screens of texts from you and about 10 voicemails. I text you back later on when it seems like a point in the day that you'd be sober, and ask you not to blow my phone up. You continue to just do as you please regardless of how your actions impact others. Selfish as hell.

 

Fourth - hard for me to find a "nice girl" in all of this.

Girl is stone crzy, to the point that I have to call the cops after sending her a message that reads 'never contact me again, there is no need to reply to this text'. To which she of course replies. I pick up the phone and call the sheriffs office to see about filing harassment/stalking/unwanted contact charges. Cop calls her last night, she doesn't pick up, but he leaves her a 'very strongly worded' message indicating that she shouldn't contact me anymore. Phone is blessedly quiet this morning. Clearly I have work to do.

 

That's my story, sticking to it.

[Mike_d]

wish there was a way to link photos, checking to see if this will work

 

nope